Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

if he runs through a womans' legs?
.
.
A clit aroiund the ear and a flap across the face

2006-10-19 01:13:15 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

After the success of his latest film, Michael Caine was out celebrating with a couple of call girls and ended up at a party thrown by The Doors. He decided to leave the girls with the host's as a present, and went off to find a drink.
When he got back he discovered one of them "servicing" Mick Jagger and yelled "You were only supposed to blow the bloody Doors off!".

2006-10-19 01:10:18 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

5000 israeli troops have just entered jordan,early reports say she is tried and her fanny is a bit sore.

2006-10-19 01:08:21 · 14 answers · asked by sweatymotto 1

Two blondes are standing on opposite sides of a small pond. The first blonde yells "How do I get to the other side?' The second blonde replied: "You're already there". I liked that one and wanted to share it.

2006-10-19 01:01:59 · 8 answers · asked by Joe 6

He sold his soul to santa!!!!

2006-10-19 00:52:57 · 12 answers · asked by prettywoman 6

2006-10-19 00:20:53 · 6 answers · asked by ray t 1

2006-10-19 00:00:16 · 14 answers · asked by aladinsane 4

Why couldn't the cow go on the train???
'cause he didn't have any mooooney.

2006-10-18 23:39:52 · 16 answers · asked by dervin 3

what is the difference between a woman and a train

2006-10-18 23:37:43 · 7 answers · asked by stone 4

A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he

goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he

wants to put on the cake. Well, he thinks for a while and says: let's

put, "you are not getting older you are getting better". The salesman

asks "how do you want me to put it?" The man says, Well, put "You are

not getting older", at the top and "You are getting better" at the

bottom. The real fun didn't start until the cake was opened. The entire

party watched the message decorated on the cake:



"You are not getting older at the top, You are getting better at the bottom".

2006-10-18 23:35:25 · 28 answers · asked by vishaldsh 2

If you know what I mean..........

2006-10-18 23:17:16 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years.
I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous, if he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey, I love you, too."

2006-10-18 23:16:25 · 11 answers · asked by zaazzy 4

A couple had been married for 50 years. They were sitting at the
breakfast table one morning when the wife says, "Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together. "I know," the old man said, "We were probably sitting here naked as jaybirds fifty years ago. "Well," Granny snickered, "Let's relive some old times."
Whereupon the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady breathlessly replied, "My n * pples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago. "I wouldn't be surprised," replied Gramps. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal"

2006-10-18 23:10:40 · 13 answers · asked by zaazzy 4

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his p * nis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed.
He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home.
His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked.
Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my p * nis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did."
"My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what
happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too."

2006-10-18 23:09:06 · 10 answers · asked by zaazzy 4

A businessman boards a flight and is seated next to a gorgeous woman. He notices she is reading a manual about sexual statistics. He asks her about it and she replies, "This is a very interesting book. It says that American Indians have the longest pen * ses and Greek men are the best in bed. By the way, my name is Jill. What's yours? "Tonto Papadopoulos,
nice to meet you."

************************************************
One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm. The wife turns over and says "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynaecologist appointment tomorrow and want to stay fresh."
The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

2006-10-18 23:07:16 · 13 answers · asked by zaazzy 4

man bumps into a Woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled. The man turns to her and says "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.
" She replies, "If your d * ck is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221".

2006-10-18 23:04:43 · 10 answers · asked by zaazzy 4

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room.
"Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up from his coffee.
"Do you remember twenty years
ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?"
he asks solemnly.
"Yes, I do," she replies.
The husband paused. The words were not coming easily.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car making love?"
"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

2006-10-18 23:01:53 · 9 answers · asked by zaazzy 4

2006-10-18 22:58:18 · 9 answers · asked by Sapnat 4

2006-10-18 22:45:45 · 13 answers · asked by Eagle Eyes 2

After the success of his lastet film, Michael Caine was out partying with a couple of call girls when he ended up at a party thrown by The Doors. He desided to leave the girls with the hosts as a present, and went off to find a drink.
When he got back he discover one of them "servicing" Mick Jagger and yelled "You were only supposed to blow the bloody Doors off!".

2006-10-18 22:39:15 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

why are there no headache pills in the jungle? Because the parrots eat them all

2006-10-18 22:09:40 · 14 answers · asked by sam h 1

2006-10-18 21:36:27 · 10 answers · asked by Jit 1

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog told her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes."
The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get it ten times!"
The woman said, "That's okay."
For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to". The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me."
So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful Woman in the world!
For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world.

2006-10-18 21:04:10 · 13 answers · asked by zaazzy 4

in the previous version after login messenger box shouls show me on line and offline frinds, now i cant view..how to see on and offline friends in the box

2006-10-18 21:03:26 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working.

He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, "Can I help you?"

The man said, "Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines."

####

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office. She found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.

Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, shortage or no shortage, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair.

2006-10-18 20:54:16 · 9 answers · asked by ettezzil 5

Once man was admitted to hospital in a serious condition as the doctor was just about to check him a lady came rushing and said doctor please save Banta singh at any cost, i can spare thousands of rupees (Indian money) for him she gave her contact and went away. Just then another lady came and she pleaded the same she was ready to spare lakhs of rupees, then third and then fourth, and so on,every one said the same that Banta singh should survive. When the doctor went in to check he found Banta singh dead. The doctor was eager to know what was so special about the person and why were so many women interested in him. After a thorough check up he found that Banta singh was having an enormous size inside his pant. The doctor just cut it off and hid it in his bag. in the evening when he reached home he asked his wife to close her eyes as he had brought some surprise for her, she followed, when she opened her eyes she was just shocked to see it and exclaime "My god ! Banta singh is dead

2006-10-18 20:52:28 · 13 answers · asked by stone 4

The Lone Ranger Rides up to a bar with Tonto as he ties up the horse he says to Tonto keep running around the horse and look after him. he then goes in the bar for a drink. a little while later a cowboy comes into the bar and calls out who's is the white horse? its mine replys the Lone Ranger why? The cowboy says, I think you've left your injun running.

2006-10-18 20:49:28 · 16 answers · asked by sam h 1

As pay back for the one TULSI M did about what to say after sex:

LAME I KNOW, BUT I’M NOT REALLY CREATIVE

What women should say to men after sex?

1.WOW, time does fly, that so called “2 hours” felt like a minute
2.You’re suppose to *** after sex, not before
3.I think the doctor circumcised you a little too much
4.You know it’s not healthy to have cheese sit there for that amount of time

Come on girls paybacks a B**ch

2006-10-18 20:31:38 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-18 20:28:25 · 10 answers · asked by Life 2

A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo.
When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and the weakest ones
at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for
the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group
keeps improving by the regular culling of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only operate
as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, we all know,
kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first.
In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells,
making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers.

2006-10-18 19:54:46 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous