Jokes & Riddles - October 2006

I laughed so hard i snotted all over myself

2006-10-18 15:29:14 · 29 answers · asked by harrypotterschick07 2

What hits but has no hands, flies but has no wings, and sees but has no eyes?Also which magazine did it come from? HARD isn't it? : )

2006-10-18 15:22:49 · 5 answers · asked by masterchief0622 2

me and my boyfriend can't decide...i say it does but he says it doesn't....WHO'S RIGHT?!?!??!

2006-10-18 15:21:06 · 20 answers · asked by Jessica 1

Teenage girl becomes pregnant with twin boys and decides to give them up for adoption. The adoption agency tells her they can't keep the boys togeather. Feeling sorry about that they allow her to stay in contact with the boys by letter only. One of the boys is adopted by a mexican family in California and is given a traditional mexican name...Jaun. His brother is adopted by a middle eastern family from New York and is given a traditional middle eastern name...Amal. Eventually the girl marries and over the years stays in contact with her two sons even though she has never seen either of them. One day she recieves a high school graduation picture from Jaun and it becomes her most prized possession. She hangs it on the wall like a shrine. One day she tells her husband "I wish I had a picture of his brother to hang beside it. I only hope he is as fine a looking a young man as his brother. Her husband says to her "there twins you idiot!!.....If ya seen Jaun you've seen Amal!!"

2006-10-18 14:51:59 · 28 answers · asked by Barry DaLive 5

An old man goes to the doctor and says "Dr., I don't know what's wrong with me. My dick is orange."

The Dr. tells him to pull down his pants and let him take a look. He has no idea what is wrong so he asks the guy if he has recently painted anything orange.

The old man said "No."

The Dr. thinks for a minute and then asks the guy if he has recently been exposed to any chemicals at work.

The old man said "No, I'm retired."

The Dr. then asks the guy if he could have been working with any
chemicals in his garage.

The old man replied "No Dr., I told you, I'm retired. All I do is sit
around all day, watch pornos and eat Cheetos...

2006-10-18 14:49:23 · 30 answers · asked by iamigloo 6

2006-10-18 14:41:49 · 16 answers · asked by Gary B 1

A blond guy, a brunnette guy and a red head guy take their girlfriends on a triple date to a resturant. The brunnette guy say to his wife, "Pass the honey, honey!" She says awww your sweet! The red head thinks man that guys good, so he says to his girlfriend, "Pass the sugar, sugar!" Shes says Awww I love you! The blond guy thinks wow they are good, so he says to his girlfriend, "Pass the pork, pig!"

2006-10-18 14:29:51 · 28 answers · asked by Emma 1

Mr & Mrs Done had a son, Nearly, who is studying in London. He hasn’t written back for quite a while & Mr & Mrs Done were naturally worried. One day a friend who is going to London agreed to look him up. The friend was given the address “London WC1”. Upon arrival at London Heathrow Airport, the friend noticed a sign WC with an arrow pointing. Following the arrow, he went inside a washroom and saw the number 1 on the first door. He knocked and shouted “Are you Nearly Done?”. The guy inside shouted back “Yes, but I have no papers”. To which our friend replied, “Well that’s not an excuse for not writing”

2006-10-18 14:28:24 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Funny&Clean Pleasee!!!

2006-10-18 14:20:39 · 10 answers · asked by chargirl. 1

I mean, it's not like they thought of the joke. Why do they ask to be rated? Am I supposed to rate their mad copying and pasting skills or something? Seriously, unless you created the joke yourself, don't ask to be rated by posting someone else's work. It's like asking whether or not someone like a drawing you ripped off of someoen else. Does anyone else agree?

2006-10-18 14:19:33 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

How long is a chinaman

2006-10-18 14:19:28 · 7 answers · asked by Emma 1

3 people sharing a flat decide to buy a 2nd hand tv, and split the price 3 ways. they go to their local 2nd hand shop, and find a tv for £30. they pay the assistant, who tells them they can have it delivered to which they agree.

when the boss returns, he says to assistant, "i was going to lower the price on that tv. take £5 back to the buyers with the tv when delivered".

The delivery man picks up the tv and £5 from the shop, but enroute to the address decides to take £2 for himself and only return £3 to the people.

he delivers tv and gives the 3 people the £3.

Heres the question

if 3 people paid £9 each {£27}(had £1 returned each) and the delivery driver has £2, where did the other £1 go?

2006-10-18 14:13:36 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

this vanqulist ( you know guy with the little dummy sitting on his lap) he is traveling thru the old west . he meets an old indian man sitting by side of the road.with his dog and cat he think's I'll have some fun with the old man. he ask the old indian if he ever talks to his dog . the old man says hump dog no talk . so the van says sure they do so he ask the dog how does the old man treats you . the dogs says he feeds me takes good care of me . the old indinan says hump dog no talk. the van says well what about your cat . indian says hump cat no talk . the van says sure he does . so he ask the cat how is your day going . the cat says that dammed dog keeps chasing me . old man says hump cat no talk . sure what about your sheep there. the old man says dont belive sheep sheep lies

2006-10-18 14:07:05 · 10 answers · asked by vinel10 4

how do you expect me to get hard i just got laid

2006-10-18 14:04:29 · 10 answers · asked by bloodredslasher 1

how is a raven like a writing desk?

2006-10-18 14:03:40 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

If a chicken and a half, could lay an egg and a half, in a day and a half, how long would it take a one legged grasshopper to kick all the seeds out of a dill pickle??

2006-10-18 13:59:10 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Ok, If a blue house has blue bricks, a red house has red bricks, and a yellow house has yellow bricks, what's a green house made out of?

2006-10-18 13:57:48 · 33 answers · asked by You're My Wonderwall 3

Pretend you are the bus driver. On your first stop, you pick up 23 people. On the next stop 8 people get on and 7 get off. You go to your 3rd stop and 14 people get on and 10 people get off. then on the next stop 21 people get on and 11 people get off.Then the next stop 8 people get on and 5 get off. Now can you tell me the bus driver's name?

2006-10-18 13:55:18 · 32 answers · asked by lonewolf8870 2

2006-10-18 13:50:48 · 10 answers · asked by vinel10 4

2006-10-18 13:50:08 · 34 answers · asked by The King 6

Ok a rooster is sitting on top of a hen house it lays an egg. Wich way would the egg role left or right?

2006-10-18 13:34:43 · 28 answers · asked by Don R 2

When one of them was done, he ripped off a page from the Sears and Robuck catalog and wiped his butt, and reached down to pull up his coveralls. On the way up, a quarter fell out of his pocket and went right down the hole into the muck below. That fellow immediately reached into his pocket, pulled out a $20 bill and threw it down the hole. The other guy asked, "What'ya throw that $20 dollar bill down in there for?" The other man answered, "Well, you don't think I'm going down in there fer a quarter do ya?"

2006-10-18 13:34:06 · 6 answers · asked by one eye 3

Three women were in a enchanted forest, a blond, a redhead, and a brunete. Suddenly a migical mirror appeared before them and spoke. "Look into the mirror" it said "Tell me something you think is true, but if it is not true, you will disappear." The redhead looks into the mirror and says "I think I'm the most powerful woman in the world." POOF she disapeared. The brunete looks in the mirror and says "I think that I'm the most beautiful woman in the world." POOF she disapeared. The blond says "I think....." POOF she disapeared.

2006-10-18 13:30:10 · 22 answers · asked by jedi1josh 5

Bill’s wife is about to give birth. Pacing up and down the hospital corridor, the expectant father nervously waited while his wife was in the delivery room. Ten minutes later, the nurse came out with a big smile and said to Bill “Your wife has just given birth to twins!”. Upon hearing the news, Bill was stunned into silence. Then he stormed into the delivery room and shouted at his wife, “Okay, whose’s the other fellow!?”

2006-10-18 13:29:18 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

Ten points to the first person to get it right:

You are trapped in a room that has four solid cement walls, a ceiling and floor. There are no windows and no doors.
All you have with you is a stick.

How do you get out?

2006-10-18 13:25:46 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-18 13:22:17 · 14 answers · asked by Brianna I 1

Brain Teaser

2006-10-18 13:16:46 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-10-18 13:09:39 · 13 answers · asked by pinhed_1976 6

example:
your import sounds like my as after a night of mexican food

2006-10-18 13:02:51 · 3 answers · asked by ambientracing 1

(Q) What does DNA mean?

(A) National Dislexic Association.

2006-10-18 12:55:37 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous