Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

2006-09-28 05:10:31 · 5 answers · asked by tom m 1

2006-09-28 05:05:46 · 9 answers · asked by Henry P 3

my friend broke a G-string while fingering a Minor.......














i'm talking about a guitar you PERVERT! LOL

2006-09-28 05:03:07 · 16 answers · asked by ashers 2

i want to do it

2006-09-28 04:46:30 · 5 answers · asked by Alexa C 1

Heres a start

1) Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
2) I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
3) Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
4) You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
5) I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
6) There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
7) Always remember, you're unique, just like everyone else.
8) As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
9) God must love stupid people, he made so many.


Who has a good number 10? 10 points for it.

2006-09-28 04:30:31 · 33 answers · asked by Wilson Wilson 3

2006-09-28 04:19:52 · 29 answers · asked by The Morehead Dropout 1

A kindergarten teacher one day is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word "definitely" to them. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence. The first student raised his hand and said "The sky is definitely blue". The teacher said, "Well, that isn't entirely correct, because sometimes it's gray and cloudy".

Another student says, "Grass is definitely green." The teacher again replies "If grass doesn't get enough water it turns brown, so that isn't really correct either."

Another student raises his hand and asks the teacher "Do farts have lumps?" The teacher looked at him and said "No...But that isn't really a question you want to ask in class discussion." So the student replies, "Then I definitely **** my pants."

2006-09-28 04:19:46 · 12 answers · asked by hensonseanmike 2

2006-09-28 04:19:28 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

20 Types of People You Meet in the Men's room

1. Excitable - Shorts half-twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts
2. Sociable - Joins friends in piss whether he has to or not
3. Cross-eyed - Looks into the next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.
4. Timid - Cannot piss if someone is watching, flushes urinal, comes back later.
5. Indifferent - All urinals being used, pisses in sink.
6. Clever - No hands, fixes tie, looks around, and usually pisses on floor.
7. Worried - Not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection.
8. Frivolous - Plays stream up, down and across urinal, tries to hit flies and bugs.
9. Absent-Minded - Opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.
10. Childish - Pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.
11. Sneak - Farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in other stall will be blamed.
12. Patient - Stands very close for a long time, reads with free hand.

2006-09-28 04:17:59 · 4 answers · asked by Wilson Wilson 3

I wonder

2006-09-28 04:14:34 · 11 answers · asked by david 1

How come on TV the bell always rings and then the kids go to class, but in real life you need to be in class before the bell rings?

2006-09-28 04:11:30 · 31 answers · asked by david 1

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"

"How much for a season pass?"

2006-09-28 04:07:21 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Everybody who has a dog calls him "Rover" or "Boy." I call mineSex.

Now Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to City Hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like to have a license for Sex. He said, "I'd like to have one, too." Then I said,"But this is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "But you don't understand. I've had Sex since I was nine years old." He said I must have been quite a kid.

When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me and a special room for Sex. He said every room in the place was for sex. I said, "You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night!" The clerk said, "Me too."

One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have so

2006-09-28 04:06:32 · 13 answers · asked by Wilson Wilson 3

2006-09-28 04:04:30 · 19 answers · asked by david 1

I wonder

2006-09-28 04:03:59 · 36 answers · asked by david 1

3 gay men where in a hot tub. after a few minutes one gay noticed semen floating to the top. he looks at the other two and says,"okay..who farted?"

2006-09-28 03:58:53 · 6 answers · asked by ABC 3

2006-09-28 03:55:42 · 8 answers · asked by Dayzi 2

There were 2 old-maid sisters... both virgins. It's Friday night and Gladys looks at Betty and says, "I'm not going to die a virgin... I'm going out and I'm not coming home 'til I've been laid!!"

Betty says, "Well, make sure you're home by 10 so I don't worry about you."

10 o'clock rolls around and there's no sign of Gladys... 11 o'clock...12 o'clock...

Finally about 15 after 1 the front door flys open. In runs Gladys... straight to the bathroom.

Betty goes and knocks on the door, "Are you okay, Gladys??"

No answer, so she opens the door and there sits Gladys with her panties around her ankles, legs spread, and her head stuck between her legs looking at herself.

"What is it, Gladys??? What's wrong?" asks Betty.

"Betty, it was 10 inches long when it went in... and 5 when it came out. When I find the other half you're gonna have the time of your life!!!"

2006-09-28 03:36:33 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

I wear the face of a leader of men. My financial worth is small & my appearance not impressive, yet my presence is a passport to any country and society. I have the entree alike to the boudoir and the armed camp; I penetrate to royal palaces and to the far corners of the earth. In my youth I am bright and fresh looking; later, my face is marred and disfigured and I am cast aside as nothing; but when I am very old I am eagerly sought, and a safe refuge is provided for me, where i am exhibited to admiring visitors. What am I?

2006-09-28 03:29:11 · 15 answers · asked by jakncoke72 1

No reason why it is 7..

2006-09-28 03:14:59 · 22 answers · asked by StupendousMan 5

For AnakSingpore (cos she asked nicely)

CINDERELLA wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother
won't let her.
As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother
appears, and promised to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to go
to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a diaphragm."
Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?"
"You must be home by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm
will turn into a pumpkin."
Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m. The appointed hour
comes and goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5:00 a.m.
Cinderella shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied.
"Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your
diaphragm was supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
"I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."
The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of power!
Tell me his name!" Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly,
Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater.........."

>>> >
PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain
about splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went
to visit Gepetto to see if he could help.
Gepetto suggested he try a little sandpaper wherever indicated
and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily
through town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD was walking through the woods when
suddenly the Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to
her throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic
basket and pulled out a .44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No,
you're not. You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book."

MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the
judge said to Mickey,
"You say here that your wife is crazy."
Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's
f**king Goofy."

SNOW WHITE saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up
behind him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face
crying, "Lie to me! Lie to me!"

Did you know ...Captain Hook died from jock itch.

2006-09-28 03:07:57 · 18 answers · asked by flicflac 3

A man was seated next to a stiff-looking Baptist minister on a flight to Wichita. After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink orders. The man asked for a whiskey and soda, which he got. The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like a drink.
The minister replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a brazen whore than let liquor touch my lips."
Hearing this the man handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS A CHOICE."

2006-09-28 03:07:11 · 15 answers · asked by Pd 6

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.

Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the
bedroom closet to watch.
~
The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet,
not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The little
boy says, "Dark in here."
~
The man says, "Yes, it is."
~
Boy - "I have a baseball."
~
Man - "That's nice."
~
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
~
Man - "No, thanks."
~
Boy - "My dad's outside."
~
Man - "OK, how much?"
~
Boy - "$250"
~
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are
in the closet together.
~
Boy - "Dark in here."
~
Man - "Yes, it is."
~
Boy - "I have a baseball glove." The lover, remembering the last time,
asks the boy, "How much?"
~
Boy - "$750"
~
Man - "Sold."
~
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go
outside and have a game of catch.
~
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove." The father
asks, "How much did you sell them for?" Boy -"$1,000."
~
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like
that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take
you to church and make you confess."
~
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confession booth and he closes the door.
~
The boy says, "Dark in here."
~
The priest says, "Don't start that **** again, you're in my closet
now.

2006-09-28 03:05:41 · 18 answers · asked by jessie f 2

2006-09-28 03:02:25 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-28 02:59:54 · 10 answers · asked by hello 1

2006-09-28 02:46:17 · 15 answers · asked by nikki m 2

2006-09-28 02:42:09 · 12 answers · asked by polly a 2

The Following question is a summary of all the questions constantly asked on answers..they do not reflect my beliefs or what is happening to me..this is just for fun.

- I missed my period for 1 day, am I pregnant? and if I am pregnant then why did president bush invade Iraq?, also while we are on the subject of politics then why are liberals killing babies but not supporting war? Speaking of stupidity my boyfriend keeps cheating on me all the time but I love him so much what should I do? Does president bush make fox news lie? speaking of foxes who is hotter...hillarry duff or paris hilton and does anyone know where I can get thier phone numbers? and does anyone know how I can lose 20 lbs in a week because im not sure which church to go to cuz my brother is an athiest and he said not to go because I am thinking of a good gift for my girlfriend..any suggestions...and oh yeah..is my avatar hot?

2006-09-28 02:03:59 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

1st guy: now i understood why women are more stronger than the men.
2nd guy: how its possible?
1st guy: Havent u notice that women carries 2 mountains on her chest and men carries only 2 stones that also with the help of a crane??

2006-09-28 01:38:24 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-28 01:37:19 · 14 answers · asked by liverisquicker 1