Jokes & Riddles - September 2006

A boy was at a carnival and went to a booth where a man said to the boy, "If I write your exact weight on this piece of paper then you have to give me $50, but if I cannot, I will pay you $50." The boy looked around and saw no scale so he agrees, thinking no matter what the carny writes he'll just say he weighs more or less. In the end the boy ended up paying the man $50. How did the man win the bet?




the first person who answers gets the best answer

2006-09-28 08:35:25 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-28 08:31:06 · 30 answers · asked by kitten6444 4

Make me laugh!

2006-09-28 08:15:41 · 14 answers · asked by Goldylocks 5

whats greater than god more evil than the devil the poor have it the rich need it if you eat it you will die...


the first one who gets it right gets the best answer...

2006-09-28 08:12:52 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-28 08:11:34 · 8 answers · asked by Angie 3

just kiddin LOL any funny dj names

2006-09-28 08:02:41 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their *** to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna kick their asses!

5. When people say, while watching a film, "Did you see that?". No, Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya, Sunshine?

7. When something is "new and improved!"...Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, so it couldn't be new.

8. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever experiences!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Dumb-***?

2006-09-28 08:01:29 · 34 answers · asked by melinda 1

2006-09-28 07:51:36 · 12 answers · asked by Coche 4

*shrugs* Depends...

2006-09-28 07:51:18 · 13 answers · asked by Bitsie 3

1. With 5 you're 1/2 way to the $2,500
2. Might be considered unusual
3. Can be found in Arkansas
4. Plentiful in 2002

2006-09-28 07:32:14 · 7 answers · asked by JENNIFER W 1

why did princes charles have a different coloured dick .because he kept dipping it in di

2006-09-28 07:13:07 · 22 answers · asked by darren v 2

Kids are Quick
>
>
>TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
>MARIA: Here it is.
>TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
>CLASS: Maria.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>TEACHER: Greg, how would you spell "crocodile?"
>GREG: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L
>TEACHER: No Greg, that's incorrect.
>GREG: Maybe it's incorrect, but you asked me how "I" spelled
>It.
>
> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>TEACHER: Ryan, what is the chemical formula for water?
>RYAN: H I J K L M N O
>TEACHER: Ryan, what are you talking about?
>RYAN: Well, yesterday you said it was H to O.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>TEACHER: Hunter, name one important thing that we have today that we
>didn't have 10 years ago.
>HUNTER: Me !
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>TEACHER:
>Adam, why do you always get so dirty?
>ADAM: Well, I guess it's because I'm a lot closer to the ground
>than you are.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>TEACHER: Beth, give me a sentence starting with "I".
>BETH: I is...........
>TEACHER: No Beth.....Always say "I am".....not "I is".
>BETH: All right........"I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry
>tree, but also admitted it. Now Alex, do you know why his father
>didn't punish him?
>ALEX: Because George still had the ax in his hand.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>TEACHER: Now, Macy, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
>MACY: No Mam, I don't have to. My Mom is a good cook
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>TEACHER: Daniel, your
>composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's
>composition. Did you copy off of him?
>DANIEL: No teacher, it's the same dog.
>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>TEACHER: Parker, what do you call a person who keeps on talking to
>people who are no longer interested?
>PARKER: A Teacher
>

2006-09-28 07:00:55 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

prince charles was visiting a prison.he went to the first prioners cell and asked what he was in for.the prisoner replied.im in for burgalry .prince charles asked what did you get.the prioner said 5 years.so he goes to the next cell and asked the prisoner what are you in for .the prisoner replies rape.prince charles asked what did you get the prisoner says 10 years.hegoes to the third cell and asked the prisoner what are you in for.the prisoner says set iraqs on fire with petrol prince charles asked what did you get the prisoner replies about 30 to the gallon

2006-09-28 06:59:44 · 21 answers · asked by darren v 2

John where Fred had had had had had had had had had had had the examiner's approval.

2006-09-28 06:58:59 · 14 answers · asked by jp16877 2

2006-09-28 06:48:16 · 13 answers · asked by coacheller 1

Running Horse went to his doctor to determine the source of his sickness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looking Running Horse in the eye said, "I've got some bad news. You have cancer, it's very bad. You'd best put your affairs in order."

Running Horse was shocked and saddened. But, being of solid character, he managed to compose himself. Walking from the doctor's office into the waiting room and speaking to his son who was waiting, Running Horse said, "Well son, we Natives celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so good. In this case, things aren't so good. I have cancer. Let's head for the bar and have a few beers."

After 7 or 8 beers, the two were feeling pretty good. There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of Running Horse's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. Running Horse told them that Natives celebrate the good and the bad.

2006-09-28 06:47:46 · 9 answers · asked by TML ♥'er 3

>Philosophy
>
>GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
>1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
>2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
>3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the
>second person.
>4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
>5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
>6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
>7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
>8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
>9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
>10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
>
>
>
>GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
>1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
>2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
>3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
>4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
>5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
>6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the
toy.
>
>
>
>GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
>1) Growing up is mandatory; growing old is optional.
>2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
>3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're
down
>there.
>4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking
>chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
>5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers
to
>ask you the questions.
>6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
>7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
>
>
>THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
>
>1) You believe in Santa Claus.
>2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
>3) You are Santa Claus.
>4) You look like Santa Claus.
>
>
>
>SUCCESS:
>
>At age 4 success is . . not peeing in your pants.
>At age 12 success is . having friends.
>At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license.
>At age 35 success is . having money.
>At age 50 success is . . . having money.
>At age 70 success is . . . having a drivers license.
>At age 75 success is . having friends.
>At age 80 success is . not peeing in your pants.
>
>Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh.
>
>Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way; BUT NEVER
>forget the blessings that come each day.
>Have a wonderful day with many *smiles*
>
>
>Take the time to live!!!
>Life is too short
>

2006-09-28 06:46:38 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-28 06:45:20 · 39 answers · asked by Bill L 5

There once was an old man that wanted to leave all of his money to one of his three sons, but he didn't know which one he should give it to. So he gave each of them a few coins and told them to buy something that would be able to fill their entire living room. The first man bought straw, but there was not enough to fill the room. The second bought some sticks, but the sticks still did not fill the room. The third man bought two things that filled the room, and what that he obtained his father's fortune. What were the two things that the man bought?

2006-09-28 06:34:26 · 6 answers · asked by missmozee 3

2006-09-28 06:32:47 · 5 answers · asked by HUSTLER 4

These 3 guys are convicted of a very serious crime, and they're all sentenced to twenty years in solitary confinement. They're each allowed one thing to bring into the cell with them. The first guy asks for a big stack of books.
The second guy asks for his wife. And the third guy asks for two hundred cartons of cigarettes. At the end of the twenty years, they open up the first guy's cell.
He comes out and says, "I studied so hard. I'm so bright now, I could be a lawyer. It was terrific." They open up the second guy's door. He comes out with his wife, and they've got five new kids. He says. "It was the greatest thing of my life. My wife and I have never been so close. I have a beautiuful new family. I love it."
They open up the third guy's door, and he's slapping at his pockets, going "Anybody got a match?"

2006-09-28 06:28:53 · 22 answers · asked by Pd 6

Oh crap,

2006-09-28 06:24:39 · 19 answers · asked by Wilson Wilson 3

The beginning of eternity
The end of time and space
The beginning of every end,
And the end of every place.
What am I?

2006-09-28 06:19:22 · 11 answers · asked by missmozee 3

There was a man who really took care of his body. One day he took a look in the mirror and noticed that he was tan all over except for his penis. So he decided to do something about it. He went to the beach and got completely undressed and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out.
Two old ladies were strolling along the beach, one using a cane. Upon seeing the thing sticking up out of the sand, she began to move it around with her cane, remarking to the other lady, ''There is no justice in this world.'' The other lady asked what she meant.

"Well, when I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I asked for it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot all about it. Now I'm 80 and the damn things are growing wild and I'm too old to squat!"

2006-09-28 06:08:53 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-09-28 06:03:24 · 3 answers · asked by tammy d 1

this guy :"The What Should I Do Retard" , he makes me crack up everyday, you have to see his questions, then tell me what do you think.
You can find him where my answers are.

2006-09-28 06:02:59 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

im doing this from school
so i gotta make it quick
im in the 8th grade
but still believe in saint nick
rode a pony and fell in the mud
so i shot the pony
all i see now is blood

2006-09-28 06:01:17 · 9 answers · asked by Astonat 2

If you do, here are some excellent ways to get them all to yourself:

(for guys this is only for number 2)

1) Stick your palm open under the stall wall and ask your neighbor,"May I borrow a highlighter?"

2)Say "Uh oh, I knew I shouldn't put my lips on that."

3)Cheer and clap loudly every time somebody breaks the silence with a bodily function noise

4)Say, "Hmmm, I've never seen that color before."

5)Drop a marble on the floor and say, "Oh No!! My glass eye!!"

6)Grunt and strain real loud for 30 seconds and then drop a cantaloupe into the toilet bowl from a high place and sigh relaxingly.

7)Fill up a large flask with Mountian Dew. Squirt it erratically under the stall walls of your neighbors while yelling,"Whoa!" Easy boy !!"

2006-09-28 05:54:31 · 12 answers · asked by Wilson Wilson 3

Any new jokes fellow answerers?

2006-09-28 05:48:21 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

The mind boggles!!!! Actually, zero - as cowpoking is illegal in all 50 states. Weeeeeeelllllll, maybe not the Randy Republican Red states. "Dammit, Bossy...I wish that I could quit you!"

Whadda ewe stink?

2006-09-28 05:38:25 · 14 answers · asked by ? 3