Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

2006-08-28 03:06:15 · 14 answers · asked by xpac 2

There is a corridor that leads into an empty room. The room is completely empty except for a lamp in one of the corners. On the other side of the corridor are three switches.

You know that one of them turns on the lamp, the other two don't do anything. You can play around with the switches turning each of them on and off as much as you like, then you can go into the room one time to check whether the lamp is on or off (there is a door so you can't know without entering the room).

Leaving the room, you have to know which of the 3 switches works and which 2 don't.

The question is: How do you do it?

2006-08-28 03:04:21 · 10 answers · asked by Timothy C 2

if somebody stam my leg they put something in my mouth

2006-08-28 02:54:07 · 14 answers · asked by princess 3

why people say I m wrong hm but I am not but they have a problem with what I am doiung like here also Mr. blue desert said why I didnot opened my email communications

2006-08-28 02:53:25 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

if somebody stam my leg they put something in my mouth

2006-08-28 02:52:09 · 10 answers · asked by princess 3

10 points if you answer it right!
Deed Hay
Off Tour
Tomb Arrow

2006-08-28 02:26:18 · 18 answers · asked by Jolie' 1

tell me some jokes

2006-08-28 02:10:39 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

I didn't get any money this time
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself.

Approaching the friend he comments, "You look terrible. What's the problem?"

"My mother died in August," he said, "and left me $25,000."

"Gee, that's tough," he replied.

"Then in September," the friend continued, "My father died, leaving me $90,000."

"Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you're depressed."

"And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000."

"Three close family members lost in three months? How sad."

"Then this month," continued, the friend, "absolutely nothing!"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Making a bet at a bar
Two guys were in a bar, and they were both watching the television when the news came on. It showed a guy on a bridge who was about to jump, obviously suicidal. "I'll bet you $10 he'll jump," said the first guy. "Bet you $10 he won't," said the second guy.

2006-08-28 02:04:25 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-28 02:04:15 · 12 answers · asked by seenu 4

Scientists have proven that cats have more hair on one side then their other side. Some people believe that this is because when cats lay on their side they need insulation from the cold on the floor or ground. Which side of a cat has more hair?

2006-08-28 01:58:22 · 13 answers · asked by arman982 2

SCHOOL ANSWERING MACHINE





(This is hilarious - no wonder some people were offended!) This is the

message that the Pacific Palisades High School (California) staff voted

unanimously to record on their school telephone answering machine.

This is the actual answering machine message for the school.This came

about because they implemented a policy requiring students and parents

to be responsible for their children's absences and missing homework.

The school and ! teachers are being sued by parents who want their

children's failing grades changed to passing grades - even though those

children were absent 15-30 times during the semester and did not

complete enough schoolwork to pass their classes.

2006-08-28 01:39:41 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

list out multi national company situated in germany

2006-08-28 01:36:35 · 4 answers · asked by c.mathavan m 1

2006-08-28 01:31:19 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

1
11
21
1211
111221
312211
13112221

2006-08-28 01:22:56 · 9 answers · asked by arman982 2

I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the e-mail about cockroach
larvae
in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with
every envelope that needs sealing. I also have to scrub the top of
every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny
Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I
receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me
for
participating in their special e-mail program. I’m also waiting to
receive my winnings from the Dutch email lottery and the proceeds
from
helping those poor Nigerian women whose husbands have been
assassinated and who are
having trouble finding a place to store the millions they had
accumulated.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if
I forward an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes.


I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels
looking out for me, and St. Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

Because of your concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can
remove toilet stains.

2006-08-28 01:22:12 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

A big Mama female police officer arrests a man for drunk driving. The man protests uncontrollably.

The female officer speaks to the drunk: "Sir, you have the right to
remain silent. Anything you say can and will be held against you."

The wobbling drunk stares at her chest and replies: "Boobs."

2006-08-28 01:19:13 · 13 answers · asked by easyboy 4

Marriage (Part I)

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night ..whether you're here or not."

(DAMN SHE'S GOOD!)

2006-08-28 01:11:08 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Yeltsin, Bill Clinton & Vicente Fox (Mexican President) are in France in a restaurant.
The waiter asks " le apperitive?"
All of them answer "oui!"
The waiter looks at Fox "Le tequila?"
Fox: "oui!"
The waiter looks at Yeltsin "Le vodka?"
Yeltsin: "oui!"
Finally, the waiter looks at Clinton " Le whisky?"
Clinton: "DON'T MENTION THAT *?@#&@$ !!!"
*************
Modern Times

My wife gave birth in a state of the art delivery room," said one man to another. "It was so high-tech that the baby came out cordless."
***************
The Car:-

ONCE UPON A TIME an American came to Switzerland where he met a Swiss farmer, he looked at the size of the Swiss farmers land (or rather lack of size...) and said:
" Back home in the US I have a farm, that is SO BIG that when I leave by car from one end of the farm in the morning I do not reach the other end of the farm by evening.!!!"
The Swiss farmer was not impressed and said:
" Yes, I used to have a car like that ...."

2006-08-28 00:50:31 · 23 answers · asked by Pd 6

2006-08-28 00:44:51 · 11 answers · asked by allow my nudity 1

2006-08-28 00:43:52 · 12 answers · asked by allow my nudity 1

Between a girl coming out of a bath--and a girl coming out of church??
(hint)=the girl coming out of church had a soul full of hope.??

2006-08-28 00:42:01 · 5 answers · asked by Ron~N 5

2006-08-28 00:08:00 · 10 answers · asked by manish j 1

2006-08-27 23:59:23 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

3 WOMEN GO INTO A SHOP TO BUY A RADIO IT COSTS £30 SO THEY PAY £10 EACH AFTER THEY LEAVE THE MAN IN THE SHOP LOOKS AT HIS PRICE LIST AND HE SEE'S THE RADIO WAS ONLY £25 POUNDS SO HE RUNS OUT OF THE SHOP WITH THE £5 DIFFERENCE AND HE SAYS TO HIMSELF THERE ARE 3 WOMEN AND £5 WILL NOT SPLIT EQUAL SO HE PUTS £2 IN HIS OWN POCKET AND GIVES THE 3 WOMEN BACK A £1 EACH SO THAT MENT THEY ONLY PAID £9 EACH FOR THE RADIO. SO TO RECAP 3 WOMEN PAID £10 EACH FOR THE RADIO THEY GOT £1 EACH BACK SO THEY PAID £9 EACH AND THE MAN PUT £2 IN HIS OWN POCKET SO LETS ADD UP 9X3=27, AND THE £2 THE MAN PUT IN HIS POCKET SO 9X3=27+2=29. SO MY QUESTION IS WHERE DID THE OTHER £1 GO

2006-08-27 23:41:05 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

One evening a husband comes home to his apartment all roughed up, with a bloody lip and both eyes swollen.
When his wife sees him she asks, "What happened to you"?
"I got into a fight with the apartment manager".
"Whatever for"?
"He said he had slept with every woman in the complex, except one"!
"Hmmm. I bet it's that snooty Mrs. Green on the third floor".

2006-08-27 23:36:03 · 12 answers · asked by jfmm 7

Women’s version:
Woman 2: Oh! You got a haircut! That’s so cute!
Woman 1: Do you think so? I wasn’t sure when she gave me the mirror. I mean, you don’t think it’s too fluffy looking?
Woman 2: Oh God no! No, it’s perfect. I’d love to get my hair cut like that, but I think my face is too wide. I’m pretty much stuck with this stuff I think.
Woman 1: Are you serious? I think your face is adorable. And you could easily get one of those layer cuts - that would look so cute I think. I was actually going to do that except that I was afraid it would accent my long neck.
Woman 2: Oh - that’s funny! I would love to have your neck! Anything to take attention away from this two-by-four I have for a shoulder line.
Woman 1: Are you kidding? I know girls that would love to have your shoulders. Everything drapes so well on you. I mean, look at my arms - see how short they are? If I had your shoulders I could get clothes to fit me so much easier.

Men’s version : Hair cut ? Yeah

2006-08-27 23:35:44 · 20 answers · asked by Pd 6

2006-08-27 23:35:22 · 5 answers · asked by orcada 3

Just, for the record I do know how to turn on the computer. I posted this question just for fun. And the 10 points will be given to the witiest and funniest answer.

2006-08-27 23:26:27 · 13 answers · asked by Bia 2

A Priest went to the jungle to spread the good word where he felt the need was greatest. Deep in the jungle he found a tribe, but he had to teach them English.
He began with the smartest tribesman. He would name things over and over and show him until the native had a rough understanding of English.
The pair stumbled upon a clearing one day, and on the other edge of the clearing was a young couple making love.
This embarrassed the Priest, and as he turned to leave the tribesman asked, "What they do"?
The Priest, flustered, said,"Uuuhh, why they're, uh, uh, mmm, fu..er no they're scr.. making whoop...cough...THEY RIDE BICYCLE!"
He figured, hey, this guy's never gonna see a bicycle anyway...so...
Instantly, the native whips out a blowgun and shoots both lovers dead on the spot. The Priest is outraged!
"WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR? THAT'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING ANY TWO PEOPLE CAN DO! WHY??", cried the Priest.
The native replied simply, "He ride MY bicycle!"

2006-08-27 23:25:44 · 11 answers · asked by jfmm 7

On Saturday, July 22, 2006, Dane Cook was played off the stage at Yuk Yuk's comedy club in Vancouver. Cook was in town for six weeks shooting a film with Jessica Alba and his agent had requested a slot for him, after that night's headliner.

When he arrived Cook wanted an earlier set, so he was given the slot before the headliner with the understanding that he do less time. He either could not see or ignored the red light so the club's manager cut his mic and tried to play him off with music. Cook was quite surprised by this but continued his act, until the manager cut his mic and tried to play him off again; this time it was successful, resulting in Cook dropping his mike in a fit of anger and walking off the stage.

2006-08-27 23:23:52 · 9 answers · asked by ermaarthur@sbcglobal.net 3