Quickies - worth a laugh try it?

Question

Yeltsin, Bill Clinton & Vicente Fox (Mexican President) are in France in a restaurant.
The waiter asks " le apperitive?"
All of them answer "oui!"
The waiter looks at Fox "Le tequila?"
Fox: "oui!"
The waiter looks at Yeltsin "Le vodka?"
Yeltsin: "oui!"
Finally, the waiter looks at Clinton " Le whisky?"
Clinton: "DON'T MENTION THAT *?@#&@$ !!!"
*************
Modern Times

My wife gave birth in a state of the art delivery room," said one man to another. "It was so high-tech that the baby came out cordless."
***************
The Car:-

ONCE UPON A TIME an American came to Switzerland where he met a Swiss farmer, he looked at the size of the Swiss farmers land (or rather lack of size...) and said:
" Back home in the US I have a farm, that is SO BIG that when I leave by car from one end of the farm in the morning I do not reach the other end of the farm by evening.!!!"
The Swiss farmer was not impressed and said:
" Yes, I used to have a car like that ...."

Answer 1

Thanks! Totally made this raining, bleak Monday morning brighter! Can't wait to share them with everyone else!

Answer 2

Frank is going through a mid life crisis and decides to buy a sports car. He's flying down the road when a cop pulls out behind him with sirens blaring and lights flashing. Frank thinks he'll just try to out run the cop. After a few minutes he decides that he's made a bad decision and pulls over. The cop says, look it's Friday, it's the end of my shift, and I have the week-end off so I'm feeling generous. If you can give me an excuse for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go. Frank says, Well a few years ago my wife left me for a cop. I was afraid you were trying to bring her back. lol

Answer 3

Good jokes. This guy is drunk out of his skull and decides to drive home. A cop pulls him over and smells that he is stone drunk. He asks the guy if he has got any previous records. The driver answers: Yes, boys under 11 hundred meter hurdles. The cop laughs so loud that he tells the guy to just get out of there.

That was actually a true story, it happened to one of my best friends he was the passenger

Answer 4

Two fellows are out in the woods hunting. One drops to the ground, clutches his chest, and stops breathing. His friend immediately calls 911 and an emergency responder gets on the line. He describes the scenario, and tells her his friend could be dead. She tells him "Calm down. First, we need to make sure that he's actually dead."

The phone goes silent for a moment, and she hears a bang. He gets back on the phone and says, "O.K........now what?"



A fellow calls the hospital and shouts into the phone "Help me, quick. My wife is having a baby!" The operator takes charge and says "Calm down! Everything is going to be o.k. Is this her first child?"

"No. you idiot! It's her husband!"


A fellow comes home unexpectadly from work, so his wife has her boyfriend stand very still in a corner and she dusts him with baby powder. When hubby sees the strange apparition, his wife explains "I got you this statue. I saw one at Mary Jameson's home, and I knew you'd love it".

Hubby gets up at 2 a.m. and fixes a sandwich and a glass of milk. He walks into the room and hands it to the statue. "Here. When I was at Mary Jameson's, nobody fed me for three days."

Answer 5

Funny

Answer 6

Nice jokes budyy.

Answer 7

The first was a blast and I just can't stop laughing...lol

Answer 8

Ignore the negatives...funny i got a giggle ...tx

Answer 9

Good i liked all the three.

Answer 10

ah yes nice quickies mornin' and almost time to get ready for school ♥