what do you think of these jokes???

Question

Marriage (Part I)

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night ..whether you're here or not."

(DAMN SHE'S GOOD!)

Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever "

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: "Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last"

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)

Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.

After some time, he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long to answer the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

(YEP, HE HAD THAT ONE COMING, TOO!)

Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.

He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well.

He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of Six?'

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

Marriage (Part V) The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 am" He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

Answer 1

Very good, Pink!

I see you know how to "get this party started!"

Answer 2

The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 am for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 am" He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM Wake up."

This is so funny!!!hahaha!!!

Answer 3

I write french well.
Sur toutes les party du mariage!
j ai un proverbe de ma langue locale qui dit " libala nyoso matata ezangaka te!" cad a n importe quel age du mariage, et avec n importe quel couple , les querrelles et problemes ne manquent jamais neamoins chaque categorie da la classe sociale a sa maniere de resoudre le probleme car les droits de l un ou l autre sont las et inalienable mais il y a toujours de derapage ou debordement de l un ou l autre, c est pourquoi les chretiens resolvent leur problemes en mettant la bible au centre, les modernistes mettent la loi et l applique par les juges a la justice,mais le mieux qd l un monte l autre doit se contenirpour apiser la tension et surtout la retrospection, c est ca l homme, cette capacite de se transferer en non soi.
omari -danmark

Answer 4

I loved ur jokes
they r dam funny
thanks 4 the entertainment

Answer 5

I thought they were pretty funny. They gave me a little laugh. Thank you.

Answer 6

hahaha!! i like the last one the best. i laugh was just what i needed. thank you for cheering up my day. lol!!!

Answer 7

LOL. They're a hoot! LOL. LOL.

Have a great evening!

Answer 8

Saw these before, but they are funny

Answer 9

they're kinda old sweetpea i've told some of them before sorry ♥

Answer 10

good ones