tell me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

Question

tell me some jokes

Answer 1

i will tell u a joke your bum broke

Answer 2

2 points

Answer 3

A man phones home from his office and says to his
wife, "I have the chance to go fishing for a week.
It's the oppportunity of a lifetime. I have to leave right away. Please pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk
pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up."
The man rushes home to grab everything. He hugs his wife, apologizes for the short notice, and hurries off. A week later, the returns and his wife asks,
"Did you have a good trip, dear?" The man replies,
"Yep, the fishing was great...but you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas." His wife smiles and says, "Oh, no I didn't..I put them in your tackle box!"

Answer 4

its quite mean, offensive, I apologise in advance but its the only one that I have in off the top of my head:

a really ugly lady walks into a shop, with two children. The shop keeper asks her "are they twins?" she replies "no ones 4 ones 8, why do they look alike?" He says "no, i just didn't think you could get laid twice".

Answer 5

I dont really tell jokes
but thanks for the 2 pts

Answer 6

POST-NATAL OBSESSIONS

Three newly-wed women developed obsessions after giving birth to their first children. They saw a psychiatrist Dr P who decided the best way to help them was to conduct a group therapy session to openly discuss about their obsessions.

Dr P said to the first mother, "Your obsession is with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."

Dr P then said to the second mother, "You’re totally obsessed with money. You’ve even named your child Penny."

At this moment, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

5 SECRETS TO ROMANTIC HAPPINESS
(for a man)

1. It is important to find a woman who is good at house hold chores, cooks well and
can take care of the kids.

2. It is important to find a woman whom you can bring out for social functions.

3. It is important that she shares the same life goal and common vision as you.

4. It is important to find a woman who is good in bed and loves to have sex with you.

5. It is important that these 4 women never meet.

* * * * * * * * * * *

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.


* * * * * * * * * * *

A CHRISTMAS WISH

An elderly couple was celebrating Christmas at home when a fairy appeared.

The fairy told them that since it was Christmas, she would grant them a wish each.

The wife said, "I’ve lived for so many years, but I've never seen the beautiful Swiss Alps. I wish we could travel there." The fairy waved her wand and SWOOSH! She had a pair of return tickets to Switzerland in her hand.

Surprised at what he saw, the husband became excited and started racking his brain for a wish. He contemplated for a moment, and then said, "I am envious of those guys who have young wives. If possible, I want to be married to a woman who is 20 years younger than me."

The fairy waved her wand and SWOOSH! He became 20 years older.


* * * * * * * * * * *

WHY CONDOMS ARE PACKED THIS WAY


A man visits a local pharmacy with his 6-year old son Bryan, a very inquisitive boy. As they were paying for their purchases at the counter, the boy saw some packs of condoms and asked, “Daddy, what are condoms used for?'”

Daddy replied, “Bryan, condoms are used by men to have safe sex. Don’t worry about them, you’re too young to think about such things.”

“Okay! But Daddy, why are they packed in 3’s?” asked Bryan.

Daddy was stumped by the question. He thought for a while, and replied, “Those are for young men with high sex drive. They have sex 3 times each weekend, on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Each packet can last them a week.”

“Wow, that is so interesting! But Daddy, why are some of them packed in 12’s?” asked Bryan again.

Without hesitation, Daddy let out a sigh and replied, “Those are for married men whose wives don’t like sex. They have sex only once a month. Each packet can last them a year.”


* * * * * * * * * * *

IN LOVE WITH TEACHER

It was the start of a new school year. Jamie, a young and attractive lady teacher, was teaching a primary four class. After a few months, she noticed that there was one particular boy Tommy who wasn’t doing well in his class tests.

One day after school, Jamie asked the underperforming boy to stay back so that she could find out more about his difficulties. She asked, "Tommy, I noticed you have been doing poorly in your class tests recently. Are you facing any difficulties at home or in school?"

Tommy : "Teacher, I've fallen in love with someone.”
Teacher: "With whom?"
Tommy : "With you."
Teacher: *looks surprised* "But Tommy, you’re only ten years old now. Our age gap is too wide. I don't want a child."
Tommy : "Oh, don't worry Teacher. I know how to use a condom!"


* * * * * * * * * * *

THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the
next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early
morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and
he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his
wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."


* * * * * * * * * * *

SUPER BABY

A baby was born so advanced in development he could talk. He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor. "Are you my doctor?" he asked. "Why, yes, I am," said the doctor.

The baby said, "Thank you for taking such good care of me during the birth."

He looked at his mother and asked, "Are you my mother?" "Yes, dear, I am," said the mother, beaming. "Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born," he said.

He then looked at his father and asked, "Are you my father?" "Yes, I am," his father proudly answered. The baby motioned him closer, then poked him repeatedly on the forehead with his index finger. "Hurts, doesn't it!?"


* * * * * * * * * * *

THE WHOLE TRUTH

At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth". The boy decides to go home and try it out.

He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him a $50 note and says, "Just don't tell your father. "

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth."

The father also promptly hands him a $50 note and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother." Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees the mailman at his front door.

The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."

The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your FATHER a big hug."


* * * * * * * * * * *

FOOLING AROUND

There was a middle-aged couple that had two stunningly beautiful teen-aged daughters. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. After months of trying, the wife became pregnant and sure enough, nine months later delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He took one look and was horrified to see the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He went to his wife and said that there was no way that he could be the father of that child. "Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered."

Then he gave her a stern look and asked, "Have you been fooling around on me?"

The wife smiled sweetly and said, "Not this time".


* * * * * * * * * * *

Answer 7

Does anybody get the penguin joke above?If so please explain it to me.

Answer 8

hey but look people know how to cut and paste....brazo you guys!

Answer 9

ok why will tale you fork

Answer 10

dont know any.....but thanks for the points:)

Have a nice day!!!!!