Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

JOKE

2006-08-28 11:18:52 · 14 answers · asked by trashmanatcrit 1

They saw his name badge and kicked the sh** out of alf the gardener!

2006-08-28 11:10:20 · 6 answers · asked by ? 2

this is a joke question seeking Smart A** answers

as for me I had to ask Mister Owl he said three!
Damn owl thats his answer to everything!

2006-08-28 11:04:59 · 17 answers · asked by BigBadWolf 6

ok you are hostage in a basemet nad to get freed you have to turn on the light swich up stairs and there are 3 light swiches and only 1 works and you can only go up stairs once how do you get the right light swich and you can not just pick one of them randomly

2006-08-28 10:54:11 · 11 answers · asked by Lola the Snake 2

http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/georgie.htm

2006-08-28 10:49:08 · 9 answers · asked by chapped lips 5

2006-08-28 10:46:36 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

> Recently, while going through an airport during one of his many
trips,
> President Bush encountered a man with long gray hair, wearing a
white robe and sandals, and holding a staff.
>
> President Bush went up to the man and said, "Has anyone told you
that you look like Moses?"
>
> The man didn't answer. He just kept staring straight ahead.
>
> The president said, "Moses!" in a loud voice.
>
> The man just stared ahead, never acknowledging the President.
>
> The president pulled a Secret Service agent aside and, pointing
to the
> robed man, asked him, "Am I crazy or does that man not look like
Moses to you?"
>
> The Secret Service agent looked at the man and agreed.
>
> "Well," said the president, "every time I say his name, he
ignores me
> and stares straight ahead, refusing to speak. Watch!" Again the
president yelled, "Moses!" and again the man ignored him.
>
> The Secret Service agent went up to the man in the white robe
and
> whispered, "You look just like Moses. Are you Moses?"
>
> The man leaned over and whispered back, "Yes, I am Moses.
However, the last time I talked to a bush, I spent 40 years wandering
in
the desert
> and ended up leading my people to the only spot in the entire
Middle East where there is no oil."

2006-08-28 10:45:51 · 21 answers · asked by chapped lips 5

2006-08-28 10:44:45 · 10 answers · asked by chank1 2

Doctor, "What seems to be the problem?"

Patient, "Doc, I've got the farts. I mean I fart all the time,"

The Doctor nods, "Hmm."

Patient, "My farts do not stink and you can't hear them. It's just that I fart all the time. Look, we've been talking here for about 10 minutes and I've farted five times. You didn't hear them and you don't smell them, do you?"
"Hmm," says the Doctor,

He picks up his pad and writes out a prescription.

The patient is thrilled "Great doc. This prescription, will it really clear up my farts?"

"No," sighs the Doctor, "The prescription is to clear your sinuses. Next week I want you back here for a hearing test."

2006-08-28 10:30:52 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-28 10:23:06 · 13 answers · asked by blackjack911 2

2006-08-28 10:22:11 · 4 answers · asked by Wind Chime 4

2006-08-28 10:21:18 · 6 answers · asked by blackjack911 2

2006-08-28 10:16:59 · 10 answers · asked by blackjack911 2

Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, Well never forget you!

2006-08-28 10:13:22 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-28 10:07:47 · 20 answers · asked by blackjack911 2

2 lovers plan to sucide.boy jumped first. gird closed her eyes and return back saying love is blind. boy in air opened his parashute saying love never dies.

2006-08-28 10:07:23 · 9 answers · asked by ? 5

Maybe next time around I will take advice from these kids!

"You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming."
--Alan, age 10

"No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with."
--Kirsten, age 10

"When they're rich."
--Pam, age 7

"The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that."
--Curt, age 7

"The rule goes like this: if you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do."
--Howard, age 8

"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them."
--Anita, age 9

"Married people usually look happy to talk to other people."
--Eddie, age 6

2006-08-28 10:01:00 · 6 answers · asked by ? 6

Dogs hump y'r leg with their eyes closed!

2006-08-28 09:49:17 · 10 answers · asked by NONAME 3

They name him Sum Ting Wong.

2006-08-28 09:47:07 · 10 answers · asked by NONAME 3

2006-08-28 09:39:42 · 9 answers · asked by Chris R 2

A businessman walks into a bank in San Francisco and asks for the loan officer. He says he is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan. So the businessman hands over the keys to a Rolls Royce parked on the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the businessman returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked out and found that you are a millionaire. What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The businessman replied, "Where else in San Francisco can I park my car for 2 weeks for $15?

2006-08-28 09:39:26 · 12 answers · asked by ? 6

2006-08-28 09:33:37 · 20 answers · asked by mickyfatknees 1

i'm white, so i've never heard one before. fill me in i like a good laugh. a joke can't offend me.

2006-08-28 09:23:19 · 5 answers · asked by hey_finny 3

wins ten points! Here we go...

uqlratielae rgitsneal

Two seperate words now...

2006-08-28 09:19:02 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-28 09:13:44 · 23 answers · asked by A M 2

2006-08-28 09:06:29 · 6 answers · asked by DainBramaged 3

and if you are the first to get it right, you win.

1. It is something that is treasured.
2. It is somewhat soft.
3. It helps you remember things.
4. It can be used anywhere.
5. They can be with others or by themselves.
6. Can be destroyed.

What is it?

2006-08-28 08:58:47 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

"A man wanted to enter an exclusive club but did not know the password that was required. He waited by the door and listened. A club member knocked on the door and the doorman said, "twelve." The member replied, "six " and was let in. A second member came to the door and the doorman said, "six." The member replied, "three" and was let in. The man thought he had heard enough and walked up to the door. The doorman said ,"ten" and the man replied, "five." But he was not let in. "

What should he have said?

2006-08-28 08:57:37 · 31 answers · asked by I am Sunshine 6

2006-08-28 08:53:51 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-28 08:52:24 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous