Jokes & Riddles - August 2006

2006-08-28 14:28:06 · 3 answers · asked by ixat02 2

a wife took her husband to the doctor cos he was suffering from very bad pains in his head.
the doctor examined the man and then said all he could do to fix this problem was to give the man a brain transplant. the doctor then showed the wife some of the brains he had available, so she asked him "how much will one cost?"
the doctor replied "well for a mans brain it will cost you 10,000 pounds and for a womens brain it will cost only 5,000 pounds"
the wife was shocked at the difference in price and asked the doctor why? he replyed, "cos the mans brain has never been used!"

hehe!

i loved that joke so much! what do you think?

2006-08-28 14:07:57 · 45 answers · asked by sasha 4

What makes castles rise
and mountains fall
can make you blind
but can make you see

2006-08-28 14:01:20 · 26 answers · asked by JCman2010 3

i need alot of them for my get togethor

2006-08-28 13:57:41 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

Here's the question:

the school bus is taking kids to school. it stops and picks up 5 kids. then it stops and picks up 4 kids. next 8, 7 ,and 6 kids get on. at the last stop 2 kids got sick and got off while 4 more kids got on at that stop.
How many kids were on the bus right bfore the driver let the kids off, not counting the driver?

NOTE: this is NOT a play on words!

2006-08-28 13:55:53 · 56 answers · asked by pandaluv_987_* 2

The bartender says, "hey, do you know you have a steering wheel in your crotch?" The pirate says, "Yar, it's driven' me nuts!"

2006-08-28 13:52:12 · 6 answers · asked by Obeast 2

One.

2006-08-28 13:29:46 · 11 answers · asked by Obeast 2

None..................it should already be open when she brings it to you.

2006-08-28 13:24:29 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Woman
Obey
Man's
Every
Need

2006-08-28 13:23:02 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Paris Hilton? She's so dumb she doesn't know the difference between a playing card and a greeting card!

Jessica Simpson? Well, next to Ashlee, she's a rocket scientist!

Britney Spears? She's so dumb she tried to squeeze into Jessica Simpson's Daisy Dukes!

2006-08-28 13:09:44 · 24 answers · asked by blooutflash 3

Seems that there was a noted gardener who was famous for his wonderful
tomato plants. As would happen, one day a young lady asked him his
secret for success. He replied that each morning he went out to his
tomato plants with nothing on but a robe. He would stand in front of
them and flash them. He suggested that she try his method.

A few weeks passed before they again met, and being the gentleman he
was, he inquired as to her success. She replied that nothing had
happened to her tomato plants, but that he should come and see her
cucumbers!

♥

2006-08-28 13:08:55 · 12 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

Because they're super funny. Here's mine to get you into the spirit:

Q: How do you get an emo out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.

:) Yeah, morbid and harsh, but it still cracks me up every time.

2006-08-28 13:06:52 · 14 answers · asked by wwk 1

2006-08-28 13:03:13 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-28 13:02:05 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Eva Longoria showed up on her neighbor's doorstep ready to ring the doorbell. However, the door had already opened to reveal a blinking man.

"How did you know it was me?" she asked.

"I could see your teeth flashing all the way up the block," he retorted.

2006-08-28 13:01:31 · 11 answers · asked by blooutflash 3

:'( Sadly I have school and *sniffle* I can't be on there as much, *more tears* so you'll have to settle for a joke of the week. ♥

So here's an oldie and one of my favoties :D ♥

A successful rancher died and left everything to his devoted wife. She was a very good-looking woman, and determined to keep the ranch, but knew very little about ranching, so she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for a ranch hand.

Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk. She thought long and hard about it, and when no one else applied she decided to hire the gay guy, figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk.

He proved to be a hard worker who put in long hours every day and knew a lot about ranching. For weeks, the two of them worked, and the ranch was doing very well. Then one day, the rancher's widow said to the hired hand, "You have done a really good job, and the ranch looks great. You should go into town an kick up your heels."

The hired hand readily agreed and went into town one Saturday night. One o'clock came, however, and he didn't return. Two o'clock, and no hired hand. He returned around two-thirty, and upon entering the room, he found the rancher's widow sitting by the fireplace with a glass of wine, waiting for him. She quietly called him over to her. "Unbutton my blouse and take it off," she said. Trembling, he did as she directed.

"Now take off my boots." He did as she asked, ever so slowly.

"Now take off my socks." He removed each gently and placed them neatly by her boots.

"Now take off my skirt." He slowly unbuttoned it, constantly watching her eyes in the fire light.

"Now take off my bra." Again, with trembling hands, he did as he was told and dropped it to the floor.

"Now," she said, "take off my panties." By the light of the fire, he slowly pulled them down and off.

Then she looked at him and said, "If you ever wear my clothes into town again, you're fired."

2006-08-28 12:54:43 · 11 answers · asked by ♥ The One You Love To Hate♥ 7

Although ninja's have speed- pirates have greater stamina and
weapons. They seem too evenly matched...

2006-08-28 12:34:30 · 24 answers · asked by brodyinc 2

The Most Gruesome Death

There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate waiting to get into heaven. Not all these spirits could fit into heaven, so the ones who died the worst death would be allowed in.
The first man in line started telling his story, ''Well, Peter, you see, I knew that my wife was cheating on me so I decided to come home early from work one day to catch them in action. I got home and searched all over but I couldn't find him. Then when I walked out onto the balcony, there he was dangling off the darn thing by his fingertips. So I ran and got a hammer then started beating him with it and he fell. Well, the fall didn't kill him, because he landed in a bush so I picked up the refrigerator and threw it on him. Although that killed him, the strain gave me a heart attack, and here I am.''

The next man came up and started his story. ''St. Peter, I always work out on my balcony on the 14th floor of my apartment building. I was on my bike one day and I fell off when it flipped. I sailed over the rail and I thought 'Please God spare my life' and he did. I caught on to a balcony below me. I was even happier when a man discovered me hanging there. But all of a sudden he started beating my hands with a hammer so I fell again. But the dear Lord saved me again when I landed in a bush. But I'm here now because the guy threw his refrigerator on top of me.''

It was now the third guy's turn to start his story. ''Well, Peter, just picture this. I'm hiding butt naked in this married chick's refrigerator.....'''

2006-08-28 12:32:13 · 11 answers · asked by the boy with no name 2

The Most Gruesome Death

There was a long, long line of spirits at the gate waiting to get into heaven. Not all these spirits could fit into heaven, so the ones who died the worst death would be allowed in.
The first man in line started telling his story, ''Well, Peter, you see, I knew that my wife was cheating on me so I decided to come home early from work one day to catch them in action. I got home and searched all over but I couldn't find him. Then when I walked out onto the balcony, there he was dangling off the darn thing by his fingertips. So I ran and got a hammer then started beating him with it and he fell. Well, the fall didn't kill him, because he landed in a bush so I picked up the refrigerator and threw it on him. Although that killed him, the strain gave me a heart attack, and here I am.''

The next man came up and started his story. ''St. Peter, I always work out on my balcony on the 14th floor of my apartment building. I was on my bike one day and I fell off when it flipped. I sailed over the rail and I thought 'Please God spare my life' and he did. I caught on to a balcony below me. I was even happier when a man discovered me hanging there. But all of a sudden he started beating my hands with a hammer so I fell again. But the dear Lord saved me again when I landed in a bush. But I'm here now because the guy threw his refrigerator on top of me.''

It was now the third guy's turn to start his story. ''Well, Peter, just picture this. I'm hiding butt naked in this married chick's refrigerator.....'''

2006-08-28 12:31:48 · 40 answers · asked by the boy with no name 2

who stole the cookie from the cookie jar???

haha...just for fun...be creative...

10 pts to my fav answer...good luck....

much love ♥

2006-08-28 12:24:56 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

2006-08-28 12:22:43 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

hi,ive just updated my website and was wondering if anyone could take i ickly look at it for me and let me no what they think...pleeeease.and also ill be giving the 10 points in the morning!

2006-08-28 12:17:40 · 5 answers · asked by sammydeea 3

the unsolveable riddle!correct answer gets 10pts...if there is no correct answer, the answer I like best will get the points!

2006-08-28 12:07:44 · 21 answers · asked by bijjiggitty 2

What is greater than God, more evil than the devil, the poor have it, the rich dont need it, and if you eat it you will die?

2006-08-28 12:04:24 · 17 answers · asked by dpherptile 1

Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim…"
Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!"

Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.

The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She say no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim…"

Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!"

Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.

By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim…"

And the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!"

2006-08-28 11:51:17 · 14 answers · asked by ? 6

2006-08-28 11:43:30 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

what is it?

2006-08-28 11:40:18 · 29 answers · asked by CrazyMax 2

Mace will that to you!

2006-08-28 11:25:28 · 9 answers · asked by NONAME 3

Heard about the new brand of cigarette called AIDS? one puff and you're dead

2006-08-28 11:24:36 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

A guy went to a halloween party with his mouth full of mayonaise. They asked asked him "What are you? He pushed his cheecks with his hands and said "Im a pimple"

2006-08-28 11:20:26 · 37 answers · asked by lady love 2