2006-08-28 08:53:51 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
You may enjoy this. Then again you may not.
Disorder in the Court
These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts of America, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Enjoy!
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ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
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ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
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ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
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ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
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ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan.
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ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
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ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
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ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
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ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
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ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
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ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
The winner!
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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
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ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
2006-08-28 08:59:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Life is full of emotions like laughing, smiling, crying, weeping, fear, hatred, jealousy and many more. Out of all these, laughing is loved and liked by all. That is why someone has rightly said, “ You laugh and the world will laugh with u, you weep and u shall weep alone.” Sometimes, life becomes monotonous and one starts getting bored. To remove such monotonousness and boredom, I feel that surfing on the following websites can be helpful in making one cheerful, refreshen up and gain some emotional or psychological energy too. Surf on them and see how helpful these are to u to bring a smile on ur face.
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Please visit the above pages to find different variety of jokes. I hope, it helps u in making u laugh. Enjoy and have fun..
2006-08-29 18:46:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
so far it looks like you should give the points to SOONER. I laughed my *** off at some of the stupid things that some people say. If you don't you've got to have some serious problems and need to get on medication soon.
2006-08-28 09:09:07 · answer #3 · answered by Cyndi Storm 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have two jokes about priests, rabbis, and ministers.
A priest, rabbi, and a minister are in a boat next to an island enjoying themselves when the priest says,"I'm thirsty, I'm going to get a soda." And then he gets up, steps out of the boat, walks across the water, gets a soda, and comes back. The rabbi says,"yeah I'm thirsty too." And gets out of the boat, walks across the water, gets a soda, and comes back. Then, the minister says,"my turn." And gets up, steps out of the boat and immediately falls and starts to drown because he can't swim. Then, the priest says to the rabbi,"You think that we should've told him where the underwater sidewalk was?"
If you want to here the other one you'll have to give me the ten points and then I'll email it to you.
2006-08-28 11:53:22 · answer #4 · answered by terkish_d_lite 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
LET ME TELL YOU A DIRTY JOKE! once a guy was walking and then he fell in a puddle of mud
2006-08-28 09:27:50 · answer #5 · answered by lauren 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Skeleton goes into a bar and orders a beer and a mop.........
2006-08-28 08:56:59 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sure, just look in the mirror, if you don't laugh, you'll probably cry, and then in that case, I'll laugh.
2006-08-28 08:57:15 · answer #7 · answered by Nails 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you dont watch any standup or anything like that?
2006-08-28 08:56:08 · answer #8 · answered by AtreyuExs&Ohs 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
hahahahahahahhah
2006-08-28 08:56:14 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋