Jokes & Riddles - October 2007

I got bored!! lol, can you guess these?

1. It took 6 men to dig 6 holes in 6 days. How long would it take for 1 man to dig 1/2 a hole?

2. You just committed a crime and the police are chasing you. They chase you into a building with 3 rooms. The 1st room was filled with flames, the 2nd was filled with people pointing guns at you, and the 3rd room is filled with very hungry lions and tigers that haven't eaten in 2 years. Which room do you choose?

3. You're leaving home and you take 3 lefts. You're heading home and you see 2 guys in masks. Who are they?

2007-10-12 16:59:52 · 12 answers · asked by ♥SuRfEr♥ 4Life 5

If you smoke three packs a day for 40 years and die of lung cancer, your family blames the tobacco company.

If your daughter gets pregnant by the football captain, you blame the school for poor sex education.

If your neighbor crashes into a tree while driving home drunk, you blame the bartender.

If your cousin gets AIDS because the needle he used to shoot up with herion was dirty, you blame the government for not providing clean ones.

If your grandchildren are brats without manners, you blame television.

If your friend is shot by a deranged madman, you blame the gun manufacturer.

And if a crazed person breaks into the cockpit and tries to kill the pilots at 35,000 feet and the passengers kill him instead, the mother of the deceased blames the airline.

I must have lived too long to understand the world as it is anymore. So if I die while my old, wrinkled body is parked in front of this computer I want you to blame Bill Gates, OK?

2007-10-12 15:52:19 · 6 answers · asked by Nancy M 7

When skinny Minnie goes shopping London,Paris or Rome with her mum she has to step carefully over the drains - missed her step last week and ended up having an unexpedted holiday over seas. She washed ashore in Hong Kong! (not all that funny but nor are jokes at the expense of fat people either!)

2007-10-12 15:21:25 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

(finish the sentence)

2007-10-12 14:55:01 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

over would you

2007-10-12 14:48:55 · 15 answers · asked by kedrick g 5

A nun and priest are playing golf the priest swings and says "$#!t i missed" the nun thought she just missheard the priest and ignored it, the priest swings and misses again, he says "$#!t i missed again!" the nun says to the priest "father stop using such horrible language or god will send a lightening bolt to your head", the priest apogizes. The priest swings again and says "$#!t i missed again!", a lightening bolt comes from the sky and hits the nun in the head, a voice in the sky says "$#!t i missed....."

2007-10-12 14:11:38 · 12 answers · asked by RedLine 4

www.adultdating.com
your dating ad has been on
our website for 19 weeks now
without any reply. do you want us to
try 1 week without a picture?

2007-10-12 14:07:33 · 20 answers · asked by dizzydi 4

There was a blonde, brunette, and a redhead. They were stuck on a deserted island, but there was mainland not too far away. The brunette decided that she really wanted to go home so she swam three quarters of the way and drowned. The redhead decided that she had wanted to go home badly so she swam one quarter of the way and drowned. The blonde decided that she wanted to go home so she swam half the way. She got tired then so she swam back to the island.

2007-10-12 13:45:41 · 6 answers · asked by Iden E 1

There was a blonde who walked into a barber shop with headphones on. She asked the barber to be careful to not knock off her headphones. The barber agreed not to and went off to cutting the blonde's hair. Unfortunately, the barber had accidently knocked off the headphones. The blonde fell over and landed on the floor. The barber, out of curiosity, picked up the head phones and listened: "Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out."

2007-10-12 13:43:18 · 6 answers · asked by Iden E 1

Three nuns died and they all went to the Pearly Gates
As they arrived the voice of God said "I will ask each of you a question and if you answer correctly you may come into the Kingdom of Heaven."
One of the nuns step up and says "I'll be the first to answer your question"
So God says " Very well, who is the first man on Earth?"
The first nun answers "Thats easy, Adam"
The pealy gates lights up and lets the first nun go through.
The second nun says "I'll be next"
So God says "Very well, who is the first woman on Earth?"
The second nun answers "Thats easy, Eve"
The pearly gates lights up and lets the second nun go through.
The third nun goes up and says "I'll be the last to answer your question"
So God goes "Very well, what was the first thing that Eve said to Adam?"
The third nun thinks for a while and then says "thats a hard one..."
The pearly gates lights up and lets the third nun through.

2007-10-12 13:37:37 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

123, 132, 321, 431, 234, 143 and 654, 213, 333, 222, 106, 124. ?

2007-10-12 13:12:21 · 5 answers · asked by bremner8 5

Ok so theres three guys that walk into a restaurant.
The meal cost $25 and each pay $10. ($30 total)
The waiter brings the change of $5 and each decide on how to split the $5.
They take one dollar each and leave $2 to the waiter.

Therefore they paid $9 each (10 - 1(change) = 9)
9x3 = 27
+2 (waiter's share) = 29
how is it that theres one dollar missing if they paid $30 total

if thats confusing then letme know but its really INTERESTING

2007-10-12 13:03:29 · 8 answers · asked by sideh, 2

A Japanese doctor says, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that
we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him
out looking for work in six weeks."
A German doctor says, "That is nothing. We can take a lung out of
one person, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in
four weeks."
A British doctor says, "In my country medicine is so advanced that
we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and
have both of them out looking for work in two weeks."
The American doctor, not to be outdone, interjected, "You guys are
way behind. We are about to take a woman with no brains, send her
to Washington where she will become President, and then half the
country will be out looking for work."

2007-10-12 13:00:00 · 7 answers · asked by Tink 3

The fist knocking on the door belonged to a cop. Bracing for the worst, the yard foreman opened the door. "Is that yours?" asked the officer, pointing to a company van that was jutting out into the narrow street.
"Uhh, yes it is," said the foreman. "That is, it's our company's."

"Would you mind moving it?" asked the officer. "We've set up a speed trap, and the van's causing everyone to slow down."

2007-10-12 12:49:37 · 4 answers · asked by Mrs J 6

The Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this
congregation has spread a rumor
that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a
christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to
accept this. Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask
forgiveness from God and this Christian family."
No one moved.
The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this
is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will
feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression."

Again all was quiet.

Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop
traffic rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered
as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I
never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple
of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

2007-10-12 12:47:07 · 6 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

The person who makes me laugh the hardest wins 10 points! I always choose a best answer!

2007-10-12 12:46:28 · 13 answers · asked by Distance Runner 6

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken
Surprise.." The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron
pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises
slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before
the lid slams back down. "Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her
husband. He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it
and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before
it slams down. Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what
is happening, and demands an explanation."Please sir," says the waiter, "what
did you order?" The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."

You're going to love this..................




You're going to hate yourself for loving this










!"Ah! So sorry," says the waiter, "I've brought you Peeking Duck!"

2007-10-12 12:31:28 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

Just keep it clean, please.

2007-10-12 12:28:09 · 10 answers · asked by Mrs J 6

So, a friend of mine went to a new Zoo the other day but when she got there there was just a little dog; no exotic animals or new species.
It was a Shitzu.

2007-10-12 12:25:14 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

Michael gets a job working on a round-the-world cruise liner. At every port he sends his granny a beach photograph of himself, but one of the destinations was a nudist beach. He decides to have his picture taken anyway and cuts it in half. Two days later he is horrified when he realises he's sent his gran the wrong half of the photo, so he gets on the phone to try and explain what's happened.

"Gran, did you get my last photograph?" he asks.

"Yes, dear," she says....but I think you should change your hairstyle - this one makes your nose look really big."

2007-10-12 12:17:38 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous

it runs in your genes

2007-10-12 12:04:19 · 20 answers · asked by Fr3dinbed 6

The Wedding Test


My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we
decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me. It
was her beautiful younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts,
and generally was bra-less. One day "little" sister called and asked me to
come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and
she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she
couldn't overcome.

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got
married and committed my life to her sister.

Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last
wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I
watched her go up the stairs.

When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down
the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline
straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards
my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!

With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me and said, we
are very happy that you have passed our little test.....we couldn't ask for a
better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."

And the moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car........

2007-10-12 11:55:02 · 7 answers · asked by Sincerely Yours 3

Two foreigners just arrived in America 15 minutes ago. On their way to the exit of the airport they spot four teenagers eating hot dogs. "We should try some of that food the're eating, said one of the foreigners." "When in Rome, do as the Romans do." The other foreigner replies, "Rome?" "I thought we boarded the plane for America?"

2007-10-12 11:51:15 · 24 answers · asked by The Zunester 5

Jim Jnr., hates his wife's dog, Puggy, and decides to get rid of it by driving 2 miles from his home and leaving the dog in the park. As he drives home, the dog is walking up the path.

The next day Jim decides to drive Puggy 4 miles away. He puts him out and headed home. Driving back up the street there was the dog!"

So this night he says to himself, "I'll beat you the night" so he drives 15 miles away, turns right, turns left, over the bridge, then right again and another right until he reaches a derelict industrial site on the other side of Glasgow and leaves the dog there.

Hours later Jim called home to the wife: "Hannah, is the dog there?"

"Yes," she replies, "why do you ask?"

Frustrated, Jim answered, "Put him on the phone, "cause I'm lost and need directions."

2007-10-12 11:41:10 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl, "Will you marry me?" The girl said
"No." And she lived happily ever after and went shopping, drank
Margaritas with friends, always had a clean house, never had to cook,
had a closet full of shoes and handbags, stayed skinny, and was never
farted on.

The End

2007-10-12 11:21:46 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

I turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champane bubble.
If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.
Can you guess the riddle?
BET YOU CAN'T!



I think it starts with an S

2007-10-12 11:04:27 · 7 answers · asked by Alice 4

today i was in a food court, and some teenagers were sitting near me. i heard one of them say something like "hey mike, i'm gonna kill your girlfriend and then take her baby out and eat it, and then it will grow inside me!". i sat there in shock, and sadness for the next (screwed up) generation of americans.

what is the most psychotic thing you ever heard?

2007-10-12 10:47:12 · 10 answers · asked by Jerry R 1

2007-10-12 10:14:22 · 6 answers · asked by Calleigh 2

he takes off his clothes and starts
to wander around.A gorgeous petite blonde walks by, and the man gets an erection.
She notices and comes over to him she says, It's a rule here that if you get an erection, i
t implies you called for me." she lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and
happily lets him have his way with her.He continues to explore He enters the sauna and
as he sits down, he farts. Within minutes a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam room
toward him, "it's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me." The huge
man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.The old man
staggers back to the office and yells, "Here's my membership card keep the £250 membership
fee." She says"You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities."
The man replies, I'm 68 years old. I only get an erection once a month.I fart 15 times
a day."

2007-10-12 10:08:26 · 10 answers · asked by puma 4

Mr Jones - Mrs Smith, do you have any children?
Mrs Smith- yes thirteen
Mr.J - thirteen, isn't that a burden?
Mrs Smith- no I love my husband
Mr J- Lady I love my cigar but I take it out of my mouth once in a while!

2007-10-12 09:54:38 · 8 answers · asked by Plato 5