Get 10 points!?

Question

The person who makes me laugh the hardest wins 10 points! I always choose a best answer!

Answer 1

A woman returns home from her buisness trip.
"hows everything been since i have been away?" she asked her husband.
"the cat died" he replied
"oh, well you could of said it with more sympthay, you could of said that the cat climbed onto the roof, jumped off, was rushed to the vets but could not be saved" the woman said. " hows my mum?" the woman asked.
"well,, she climbed onto the roof,,,," said the husband

Answer 2

The new priest was so afraid he could hardly speak. Before his next service at the church, he asked the senior priest how to relax. "Next week," said the priest, "It may help to put martinis in the water pitcher. After a few sips, everything should go smoothly in your speech."
That Sunday the young priest put his elder's suggestions to work, and really talked up a storm. After the sermon he asked the higher priest how he liked it. The higher priest said. "There are a few things you should remember before addressing a congregation."

Sip, don't gulp the martinis.
There are 10 commandments, not 12.
There are 12 disciples, not 10.
Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his a**.
David slew Goliath, he didn't kick the sh*t out of him.
We don't refer to the Cross as the "Big T".
Next week there is a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at Taffy's.
We don't refer to Jesus Christ and His disciples as J.C. and the Boys.
The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost are not known as "Big Daddy, Junior, and the Spook."
When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his a**.
When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."
The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God"
Last, but not least, it's the Virgin Mary, not Mary with the Cherry.

Answer 3

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celibrities turned out to pay their respects includng Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, Mrs. Fields, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The gravesite was piled high with flours. Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show buisness, but his later life was filled with turnovers.

He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he was still a crusty old man and was considered a roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly dad, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

Answer 4

i have a bunch

1. do u know how NASCAR got its name?
2 hillbillies say areallly hot car pass by and one hillbillies says to the other, "Hey bud, thats a NAAAASCAAAR!!!


2. a doctor found a way to make birth pain free by transfering half the pain to the father so he asked a couple if he could test that. the couple agreed and the experiment began. they started by transferring 10% pain. they husband said "do more"
so they did 20% and he said "do more"
and so on until 100% and the baby was born virtually pain free. when the couple went home, they found the mailman dead on the floor!!!!

Answer 5

A woman is in bed with her lover CrackerJack, who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They have s*x for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings.

Since it's the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only learning her side of the conversation... (She is speaking in a cheery voice)

"Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye."

She hands up the telephone and her lover Jack, asks, "Who was that?"

"Oh," she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

Answer 6

A guy walks into a bar and says, "Ouch!"

How did they choose Canada's name? They put the letters of the alphabet in a ha and pulled them out one at a time: C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?

What do you call a blind caribou? No-eyed deer!

Answer 7

Here are some of mine:
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AkuUWu9OTng9q4Q8Leh3gW3sy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20071012123241AA6kLbF
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=An9GTUqSlcxmf3hPPWjGonnsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20071012122549AATiv9U
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AqDNBeF.fNFiULIG8XJoN2Xsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20071012113146AA3C2L0
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AuiYqJVqi3HVy3RfRO8jO9Dsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20071012111700AAbp8VI
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ApbVNgE9PqQvBwEr6A4cUCXsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20071012111023AAq2PLk
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AhAVN.nfBYYMJTPJgXpqDSXty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20071012110106AA4454j
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AsXfkNNI2hASwNrg5Pi7qGPty6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20071012093238AAW8gvT

And my favorite one is this one:
Once, a turtle climbed up a tree threw himself off and landed face first on the ground.
He repeated this process several times when 2 birds appeared on a branch nearby.
One says to the other: "Dear, shouldn´t we tell him he´s adopted?"

Answer 8

Yo Momma's like a Big Mac. Full of fat, and only worth $1.00.

Answer 9

There once was a nun...
she asked for called for a cab and it stopped. she got in and the man said " ive never kissed a nun" so she said "ill make a deal with you if your christian and your not married ill give you a kiss" he said " ok" she gave him a kiss and he said" i have something to confess im jewish and ihave 2 kids and im married" she said" i have something to confess my name's bob and im heading to a costume party."

Answer 10

Naming the Boys

A woman went to the school to register her boys.

The office worker asked her,

-- How many children do you have?

-- Ten.

-- What are their names?

-- LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, and LeRoy.

-- They're all named LeRoy? What if you want them to come in from playing outside?

-- Oh, that's easy. I just call "LeRoy", and they all come running in.

-- And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?

-- I just say, "LeRoy, come eat your dinner", and they do.

-- But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?

-- Oh, that's easy. I just use their last name!