Jokes & Riddles - October 2007

if it is why the hell are you still up? Obviously I must be bored asking a stupid question like this right.

2007-10-11 19:21:45 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

Padraic Flaherty came home drunk every evening toward ten. Now, the Missus was never too happy about it, either. So one night she hides in the cemetery and figures to scare the beejeezus out of him. As poor Pat wanders by, up from behind a tombstone she jumps in a red devil costume screaming,
"Padraic Sean Flaherty, sure and ya' don't give up you're drinkin' and it's to Hell I'll take ye'".
Pat, undaunted, staggered back and demanded,
"Who the hell ARE you?".
Too that the Missus replied,
"I'm the divil ya' damned old fool".
To which Flaherty remarked,
"Damned glad to meet you sir, I'm married to yer sister."

2007-10-11 19:00:32 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-10-11 18:59:05 · 22 answers · asked by Cheeky 6

If your reading this, MY momma sitting there...
..................................................................................
...................................................................................
...................................................................................
...................................................................................
I'm already home. You fill in the in between.
I know this is only one part of the song. if you want to go on and type out the whole song I'll accept that too.

2007-10-11 18:34:53 · 3 answers · asked by Paul G 5

It is driving me crazy! Here it is:

When the woman saw him she was upset. Even though she had never seen him before, she had left something for him to eat because she knew he'd be hungry. But he could not reach the food because he had an iron bar across his back. He died soon after, and yet the woman was pleased. What is going on?

I was thinking that maybe she is in her church's production of a Jesus play and at the end she thought that everyone did a good job....
OK so that sounds really stupid, doesn't it? Do you have any ideas as to what is going on?

2007-10-11 18:33:56 · 2 answers · asked by Minty 2

my 9 year old brother came into my room and he was so excited to tell me this joke.... A guy walks in to a grocery store and says i need a glass of milk, the bagger replies, we don't have any glasses in a grocery store sir. I'm such a nerd for laughing at that but picture a cute Lil Blonde boy saying a joke than laughing his head off because he loves to make you smile!
star if you loved this as much as i did.

2007-10-11 17:58:32 · 6 answers · asked by ~FREE SPIRITED~ 2

A man was found dead hanging by a noose in an EMPTY room. There was no sign of a table or chair or any thing that he could have used to reach the noose. All there was, was a puddle of water.

So how did he die?

2007-10-11 17:54:56 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

afarmer went to a bar, as he ordered some drinks, a lady came up to him and said' are you a true farmer?'. He thought for a bit and answered' well i do grows field crops for a living,i have miles of land, living in the country side, so i guess i am a true farmer'.
then she goes ' im a lesbian,i love women,i think about women every second,i think about having sex with women all the time'. then she left
a while later another lady approach him, she asked him ' are you a true farmer,? he replied ' i always thought i was a true farmer but a moment ago i found out that i was a lesbian.

2007-10-11 17:37:40 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

An 80 year old man is having his annual check-up at his doctor's office.
He says to the doctor, "I've never felt better in my whole life. In fact, I have a 20 year old bride who's pregnant and having my child. What do you think of that?"
The doctor thinks for a second and then says, "Let me tell you a story. I know this guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a hunting season. But one day he's in a hurry to go hunting and he accidentally grabs his umbrella instead of his rifle. So he's in the woods and suddenly a giant grizzly bear appears out of nowhere. He raises his umbrella, points at the bear, squeezes the handle and the bear drops dead in front of him. What do you think of that?"
The old man says, "That's impossible. Someone else must have shot that bear!"
"EXACTLY" says the doctor.

2007-10-11 17:27:15 · 23 answers · asked by Reiko 2

Smila the atheist explorer was in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a group of bloodthirsty natives. Upon surveying the situation, he says quietly to himself, "Oh, God. I'm screwed this time!"

There is a ray of light from Heaven and a voice booms out, "No, you are not screwed. All you have to do is pick up that stone at your feet and bash in the head of the chief standing in front of you."

So Smila the explorer picks up the stone and proceeds to bash the chief until he's unconscious.

As Smila stands above the body, breathing heavily and surrounded by hundreds of natives with looks of shock and anger on their faces, God's voice booms out again, and says,

"Ok........now you're screwed!"

2007-10-11 17:26:54 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-10-11 16:45:53 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

Hint: The answer is supposed to make one laugh :P
so lets get ur minds rollin'....

2007-10-11 16:45:23 · 10 answers · asked by Tommy Girl 2

How much wood, would a Woodchuck chuck, if a Woodchuck, could chuck wood?

2007-10-11 16:39:06 · 40 answers · asked by Sam 4

A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present.


He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager, "How much is that new Barbie in the window?"


The Manager replied, "Which one? We have
'Barbie goes to the gym' for $19.95,
'Barbie goes to the Ball' for $19.95,
'Barbie goes shopping' for $19.95,
'Barbie goes to the beach' for $19.95,
'Barbie goes to the Nightclub' for $19.95 and
'Divorced Barbie' for $375.00"


"Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00 when all the others are $19.95?, the father asked.


The store manager replied: "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's house, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat, Ken's furniture and all of Ken's savings."

2007-10-11 16:22:42 · 11 answers · asked by wna 3

yes this is stupid most of the girls dropped out of chorus because of it.

Um-ah went the little green frog one day
um-ah went the little green frog
um-ah went the little green frog one day and his eyes went um-ah too

honk-honk went the big mack truck one day
split-splat went the little green frog
and his eyes cant go um-ah any more
because he got licked up by a dog.



as-if we were two!! but i kinda thought it was funny.in a sick twisted kinda way.

2007-10-11 16:12:35 · 9 answers · asked by green eyed irish girl 3

brain not over adlult hood your 30 and act like a 2 year old but has the mind of enstien you may answer this question

2007-10-11 16:02:06 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

wat is......2+2 hurryy!!

2007-10-11 15:55:07 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous

Please... I just need your opinion

2007-10-11 15:26:33 · 6 answers · asked by Kristen V 3

A journalist had done a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War, and she noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands.

She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives.

She approached one of the women for an explanation. "This is marvelous," said the journalist. "What enabled women here to achieve this reversal of roles?"

Replied the Kuwaiti woman: "Land mines"

2007-10-11 15:10:11 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

It's there, but when you put the light on to see it, it's gone. What is it?

2007-10-11 15:02:30 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?"

The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blonde. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blonde. The bouncer is blonde. The man sitting over to your left is also blonde. Still wanna tell that blonde joke?"

The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."

2007-10-11 15:00:05 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

i need a creative insult to use on some kid that keeps picking on me.

and PLEASE, no yo mammas!!!!

2007-10-11 14:48:31 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

rofl pleas telll

2007-10-11 14:45:09 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

dude
I NEED 2 KNOW!

2007-10-11 14:15:15 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George W. Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let the President know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded message:

370HSSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.

No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA.

With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help. Within a minute MI-6 called the White House with this reply, "Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."

2007-10-11 14:07:35 · 36 answers · asked by mandysbaby1978 1

the one that makes me laugh hardest gets 10 points

2007-10-11 14:05:15 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the crap table. A very attractive Blonde woman from Alabama arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I play Topless." With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and yelled, "Come
on, Baby, . Southern Girl needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down, and squealed..."YES! YES! I WON! I WON!"

She hugged each of the dealers. Then she picked up her winnings and her clothes, and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumfounded. Finally, one of them asked, "What did she roll?"

The other ans wered, "I don't know. I thought you were watching."


Moral --- Not all Southerners are stupid. Not all blondes are dumb. But, all men..... are men.

2007-10-11 13:44:21 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

10. "I wanted to get my Christmas shopping done early"

9. "Used to smuggle drugs, but now everybody's into the Atkins diet"

8. "It seemed like a good idea when I was drunk"

7. "First I get caught mailing myself in a crate and now this"

6. "Rush Limbaugh has a new addiction"

5. "If I refused, Oscar Mayer was going to kill my family"

4. "I can't bring luncheon meats across the border? What is this, Russia?"

3. "Was just a decoy for the guy smuggling 800 pounds of olive loaf"

2. "How about I give you fifty pounds of bologna to make this whole problem go away?"

1. "It was medical bologna"

2007-10-11 13:30:13 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

i used to know a lot, but i forget most of them....help me out

2007-10-11 13:12:42 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. A few crumbs short of a crouton.

2. A few clowns short of a circus.

3. A few fries short of a Happy Meal.

4. An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.

5. A few beers short of a six-pack.

6. A few peas short of a casserole.

7. The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.

8. One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.

9. One taco short of a combination plate.

10. A few feathers short of a whole duck

2007-10-11 13:10:54 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous