Jokes & Riddles - July 2007

2007-07-31 09:52:29 · 29 answers · asked by mythbusters 3

Neener neener neener! Made ya look.

Now give me a mystery answer that is uniquely you and you get an easy 2 points.

Be sill or be witty
Be fun or be dumb
Be creative or be dull
Be nice or be rude
Be sweet or be sarcastic
Just BE U!

2007-07-31 09:44:49 · 12 answers · asked by ? 4

A man walks into his local bar and orders 12 martini's . The bartender hurries off and returns with a tray full of drinks and says "wow, so what are ya celebrating?"

the man replies " I just experianced my first BJ!" and starts tossing back the drinks.

The bartender "suitably immpressed" says, well, tell ya what, since you bought 12, I'll throw in the 13th for free, being it's such a special occasion!

The man looks up and says "No thanks, if 12 won't get rid of the taste, nothing will"!!!!

2007-07-31 09:39:11 · 3 answers · asked by The Forgotten 6

On a Trans-Atlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.

Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die!" she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I've had plenty of relationships in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I've had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?"

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril and they all stare riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I can make you feel like a woman," he says.

He's gorgeous. Tall, built, with flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves. The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the strange man approaches.

He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:

"Iron this."

2007-07-31 09:31:15 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Elderly couple Earl and Jane have been together for over 65 years. One day Earl dies and his poor wife Jane is left all by herself. She feels more and more depressed everyday without him so she decides to shoot herself and then at least she can be with him again. So she goes and gets one of Earls guns and wants to shot herself in the heart but she does not know where her heart is. She calls her doctor and asks him and he tells her that the heart is located under the left breast. She gets off the phone sits in the couch and does the job thinking that she can finally see her Earl again. Later that day poor Jane was admitted in the hospital...... with a bullet in her knee!!!!

2007-07-31 09:13:27 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-07-31 08:35:09 · 6 answers · asked by ? 4

A young woman visits her doctor, and tells him she has a terrible discharge,

"Take your pants off and lie up on the couch, so I can examine you"

As the doctor probes her deeper and deeper he asks her if she feels ok,

"OK" she says
"It feels fantastic but the discharge is in my ear"

;-)

2007-07-31 08:13:31 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Show your calculations and reasoning.
Don’t look at other peoples answers before you reply & no correcting yours afterwords.





There is a 20 step ladder mounted vertically on the side of a boat.
Each step is 10” from the next.
The 5th step from the bottom is just under the water.
If the water level rises 4’ how many steps will be under the water?

2007-07-31 07:48:51 · 9 answers · asked by thomas 7

The following is a list of Myklia's greatest inventions.
1)The waterproof towel
2)Glow in the dark sunglasses
3)Solar powered flashlights
4)Submarine screen doors
5)A book titled "How to read"
6)A Dictionary index
7)Infaltable dart board
8)Powdered Water
9)Pedalled powereed wheelchairs
10) Waterproof teabags
11)Water melon seed sorter
12) Zero proof alcohol
13)See through toilet paper
14) Skinless bananas

2007-07-31 07:39:41 · 15 answers · asked by Jim Jnr M 6

Nobody wanna see us to gedder
but it don't madder know
cuz i got woo

2007-07-31 07:17:39 · 11 answers · asked by tinabadina 3

2007-07-31 07:17:03 · 25 answers · asked by Ms* Shae* 3

2007-07-31 07:08:02 · 11 answers · asked by kiggycat 1

Why is it easier for a cannibal to eat the reader and not the writer?

Because, Reader's Digest and Writer's Cramp!

tee hee, snort, snort!

2007-07-31 07:07:44 · 5 answers · asked by Ink Corporate 7

...... Well the box did say 2-4 Years !

2007-07-31 07:04:55 · 12 answers · asked by Roger 6

"Annette"!! Sad but true!!

2007-07-31 06:40:24 · 8 answers · asked by bottoms 2

2007-07-31 06:29:36 · 17 answers · asked by peri1 1

Hi! I decided to do another one of these since the last one got tons of answers. I just pick a catergory and you have to guess what I'm thinking. If you become my fan, you'll know when I ask a question and can answer really fast. The 1st one to pick the right answer gets 10 points. Ready? The catergory this time is a dog breed. And I'll give you a hint- it's not a mixed breed. GO!

2007-07-31 06:24:42 · 20 answers · asked by Julia F 2

The Statement: "I lie about everything"

If this person indeed lies about everything, how would you explain that in that statement they are telling the truth?

Good Luck

2007-07-31 06:23:33 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

There is a word that i know,
6 letters it contains,
subtract 1,
and 12 Remains.

What is it?

2007-07-31 06:20:10 · 11 answers · asked by xSoDaPoPx 1

Resting along a path, Judy noticed that she and those behind her made up 1/3 of the troop and that those ahead made up 3/4 of troop. Counting Judy, what would be the smallest number of hikers that day?

2007-07-31 06:14:11 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

a grandfather and a grandson are sitting together on a porch and the grandfather opens up a beer and takes a long swig seeing this as his chance he asks his grandfather hey can i have some of that? well can your dick touch your asshole? the grandfather asks the boy . uhhh no the boy says well then no sunny the grandfather says two days later this happens again and then to weeks then the boy comes back again with a big box of cookies hey can i have one of those son? the grandfather asks . well the grandson panders can your dick touch your asshole? well yes says the granfather reaching for the box the boy pulls it away saying good then go f--k yourself these are my cookies

2007-07-31 06:08:34 · 10 answers · asked by "!" 5

god appears to a man and says " you will have to stop drinking,smoking and having sex. man replies "no problem". god comes back two weeks later and says " well how did you get on". the man replies " well the drink and cigarettes were easy,but when my wife bent over to get some meat out of the freezer i couldn't help it i had to give her one their and then". god says " they dont like that sort of thing in heaven" and the man replied " they dont like that sort of thing in asda either

2007-07-31 06:04:09 · 18 answers · asked by jericho sland 4

ok this is a very mean joke and its really not funny. i heard it yesterday and i want to know what your thoughts are on this one.. ok here it goes

what is iraq's favorite football team?
...
...
...
the new york jets

2007-07-31 05:59:44 · 20 answers · asked by VaNilLa_Latte X0 3

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Yes I know it's not hard I'm just testing the speed of people!

2007-07-31 05:53:30 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

Wait for it....... "Phillipe Flop!!!!

Thought this was a cracker...star if you agree!!! xxx

2007-07-31 05:39:44 · 3 answers · asked by bottoms 2

The woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "you know what"?

You have been with me all through the bad times.

"when I got fired, you were there to support me."
"when my business failed, you were there."
"when I got shot, you were by my side."
"when we lost the house, you stayed right here."
"when my health started failing, you were still by my side."
" You know what?"

"What my dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

"I think you're bad luck."

2007-07-31 05:38:55 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

why do chingy and huey got beef?

2007-07-31 05:23:02 · 7 answers · asked by pembertonkaleem 1

2007-07-31 05:21:26 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

how did Easy-E Died?

2007-07-31 05:14:55 · 6 answers · asked by pembertonkaleem 1

One day a little boy walked into the family room and saw his dad drinking a beer. The little boy was curious, and asked his dad if he could have sip.
The dad quickly replied, "well son, can your d**k touch your a**?" The little boy said "no." The father replied, "Well sorry son, youll have to wait till your older when it can."

The next day the little boy was playing outside and saw his dad smoking a cigarette. The little boy was curious and asked his dad if he could have a puff. The dad replied once again, "well son, can your d**k touch your a** yet?" The little boy said "no." The father replied, "Well sorry son, youll have to wait till your older when it can."

Well, later that day, the father walks into the kitchen and sees the little boy eating cookies. The father asks the little boy if he could have one.

2007-07-31 04:58:20 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous