Jokes & Riddles - March 2007

A blonde and a brunnete jump out of a plane, who hits the ground first?

2007-03-03 05:47:58 · 13 answers · asked by Maniac 2

There was a little guy sitting at a bar drinking a beer. A while later a huge guy walked into the bar and he went up to the little guy and karate chopped him in the back. The little guy fell off his bar stool and when he got up the big guy said, ''That was a karate chop from Korea.''
The big guy went to the restroom and the little guy ordered himself another beer. About 20 minutes later the big guy came back and karate chopped the little guy in the back again. The little guy got up and dusted himself off and the big guy told him,''That was a karate chop from China.''
The little guy got up and decided he wasn't going to take any more of this, so he left the bar. About an hour later the little guy comes back to the bar and he hits the big guy in the back. The big guy is knocked out cold and he's on the floor. The little guy tells the bartender , ''Tell him that was a crowbar from B & Q!''

2007-03-03 05:47:52 · 9 answers · asked by Kizzy_ 5

A blonde walks into a Best Buy and goes up to the store manager. She says "I want to buy this TV."
He says, "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes."
So the next day she comes in with Red hair and says to the manager, "I want to buy this TV."
And he says, "Sory, we don't sell to blondes."
So the next day she comes in with Black hair and says to the manager, "I want to buy this TV."
Again he says, "Sorry, but we don't sell to blondes."
So the blondes asks the manager, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

Anyone have an idea?

2007-03-03 05:46:39 · 9 answers · asked by Maniac 2

Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? Sam: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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Q:) What does a buffalo produce during an EarthQuake? A:) MilkShake
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Remove your Shirt, Remove your Pants too, ahhhh uhhhhh remove ur underwear now ahhh.... Finally the suitcase is closed.
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Wht's d similarity between a girl & petrol? 1. both r explosive 2. both r hot 3. both r dangerous when kept in open
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Boy: what will u give me as reward if i climb Mt.Everest? Girl: A push.
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Consequences of American life style: The wife rushed into house screaming to her husband: Darling, Come quick! Ur kids n my kids r beating our kids.
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Husband : Why do u take your wife only to night clubs? Friend: Buddy by the time she gets ready no other place is open
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Teacher: What r the people of Turkey called? Student: I don't know. Teacher: They r called Turks, What r the people of Germany called? Student: They are called germs.

2007-03-03 05:32:03 · 7 answers · asked by salima_guriya 1

A man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife something nice for their 1st wedding anniversary, so her decides to buy her a mobile phone.
He shows it to her and explains all the features on the phone.

The next day the blonde goes shopping, her phone rings, it's her husband. "Hi honey, how do you like your new phone?
"It's great," she replies "it's so small yet your voice is crystal clear but theres just one thing"
"Yes sweetheart?" asks the husband. The blonde asks "How did you know I was in the supermarket?"

2007-03-03 05:31:18 · 23 answers · asked by Kizzy_ 5

A young magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience
was different each week, so the magician did the same
tricks over and over again.

One problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each
week and began to understand how the magician did
every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting
in the middle of the show:

"Look, it's not the same hat!"

"Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table."

"Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

The magician was furious, but couldn't do anything. It
was, after all, the captain's parrot.
Then, one day the ship sank.

The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the
middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the
parrot. They stared at each other with open hatred,
but neither uttered a word. This went on for a day,
and then another and then another.

Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold
back.

"OK, I give up. ! Where's the flipping ship? "

2007-03-03 05:21:40 · 18 answers · asked by MynameisShirl 5

The riddle is:" Double 1 and nine too, tonight makes eleven." I have been trying to figure out this riddle for 2 years. I REALLY NEED HELP!!

2007-03-03 05:18:14 · 14 answers · asked by Mag&MegBFFL 1

The Japanese have produced a camera that has such a fast shutter speed it can take a picture of a woman with her mouth shut!
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Hubby: Darling, years ago u had a figure like Coke bottle.
Wife: Yes darling I still do, only difference is earlier it was 300ml now it's 1.5 ltr.
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Birdy birdy in the sky, left a poopie in my eye. Me don't care, me don't cry, me just happy that a cow can't fly!
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Teacher: What should be in a book to make it a bestseller? Tommy: A girl on the cover and no cover on the girl.
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What do u call a woman in heaven? An Angel. A crowd of woman in heaven? A host of Angels. And all woman in heaven? PEACE ON EARTH!
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Husband: Today is sunday & I have to enjoy it. So i bought 3 movie tickets. Wife: why three?
Husband: 4 u and ur parents.
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Sign post outside our collage- "Drive Carefully! Dont kill the Students, Wait for the Lecturers!

2007-03-03 04:55:02 · 11 answers · asked by salima_guriya 1

Budro had a 25-inch member. He went to a doctor and said, "I can't live with this member anymore! It's too long."

The doctor replied, "I can't do anything for you, but if you see the witch doctor in the bayou, she can help you."

So, he went to the bayou and saw the witch doctor.

The witch doctor said, "Go into the swamp and find a female frog. Ask her to marry you. She'll say "No" and you'll lose 5 inches off your member!"

So, he went to the swamp and found the frog and asked her, "Will you marry me?"

"No!" she said.

He lost 5 inches off his member!

The guy liked the results, and thought, 20 inches is just too much.

So he asked the frog again, "Will you marry me?"

The frog said, "No!"

And the guy lost another 5 inches.

He thought, God, 15 inches is great! But 10 inches would just be perfect.

So he asked, "Will you marry me?"

And the frog said, "How many times do I have to tell you. NO! NO! NO

2007-03-03 04:54:54 · 22 answers · asked by Kizzy_ 5

what do you think,lol

2007-03-03 04:51:49 · 39 answers · asked by LYNDA M 5

A judge and a doctor both like this one pretty girl.the judge has to go away for 7 days to solve a case. the judge gives the pretty girl 7 apples. Why did the judge give the girl 7 apples.

EASY!

2007-03-03 04:29:21 · 17 answers · asked by nat b 2

Also how do you catch a tame bunny?

2007-03-03 04:24:20 · 17 answers · asked by Jester 5

why did the rabit, cow, and frog hit the pole????????

2007-03-03 04:10:46 · 4 answers · asked by nat b 2

A drunk walks in, says to the bartender, "Bartender, get me a drink. Get a drink for ev'ryone in the house, an' pour yerself one too."
The bartender does so, brings the bill over, tells the drunk, "That'll be $80.00."
the drunk replies "I haven't got any money."
The bartender gets all pissed off, beats him up and throws him out.
next day the same drunk walks into the same bar. He says, "Bartender, get me a drink. Get a drink for ev'ryone in the hous, an' pour yerself one too."
The bartender figures the guy isn't dumb enough to pull the same stunt twice so he does so, and brings the bill over, tells the drunk, "That'll be $120.00." the drunk replies "I haven't got any money."
The bartender gets all pissed off, beats him up twice as bad.
next day the same drunk walks into the same bar. He says, "Bratender, get me a drink. Get a drink for ev'ryone in the house."
The bartender glares and says "What, no drink for me?"
The drunk says " Uh-uh. You get violent when you drink!"

2007-03-03 04:10:30 · 6 answers · asked by SteveA8 6

i think this has got to be a clever answer. the riddle is:

Name me a fruit that everyone craves,
It appears in loads of history books
and thie bible
If you get it there can be consequences.
It begins with D or F.
Its not the forbidden fruit but this is apparently a very close answer

2007-03-03 03:57:52 · 11 answers · asked by stephanie_c_may 1

My b/f drove us to a quiet spot and said I should get in the back seat. When I said no, he sulked and drove me home. What's the matter with fellahs? I just wanted to stay in the front seat with him.

2007-03-03 03:53:24 · 12 answers · asked by Harriet 5

2007-03-03 03:50:41 · 7 answers · asked by itspink22@sbcglobal.net 6

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese!!

2007-03-03 03:47:57 · 10 answers · asked by princess_bluerose 2

They are the real dog's bo llocks.

2007-03-03 03:45:20 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

I am the "MC" at a big Talent Show tonight. I need some jokes and short funny stories to tell in-between performances to keep the crowd alive! Can any of you help me out??
Oh, and it is for a church group....so keep it clean folks!

Thanks ahead of time! UR awesome to help!

2007-03-03 03:29:26 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Why don't mexicans play hide and seek?
Because no one will look for them....

How do you know if an asian robbed you?
-Your computer is fixed, your homework is done and your dog is gone

2007-03-03 03:28:12 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Please help...I would like to buy some writing paper which is headed Buckingham Palace...I want to play a joke on my friend by pretending she got a letter from the Queen/Prince Charles thru the post. Where can I buy from? I have looked in joke shops but couldnt find anywhere. Thanks.

2007-03-03 03:23:39 · 6 answers · asked by ratbag 2

What goes in out in out in out.



salman rushdies bum hole when the doorbell rings

2007-03-03 03:20:39 · 11 answers · asked by Uncle Elroy 4

i coudnt tell the difference

http://members.home.nl/saen/Special/Zoeken.swf

2007-03-03 03:17:49 · 4 answers · asked by roger c 2

And make it funny.

2007-03-03 03:15:57 · 21 answers · asked by Mickey Mouse Spears 7

Would you want to know that you have a wet booger hanging out of your nostril while speaking to a large group or 1x1? I'd tell you! ;-)

2007-03-03 03:11:01 · 4 answers · asked by TseeMan 1

There is an old man who is always fond of reading obituary pages in the news paper. One day his ground son who has been noticing him asked.
"Groundpa why do you normally read obituary side of a newspaper"
Then oldman responded "I am checking in the paper to comfirm if my name is included among the dead people you know i am old and ripe to die"

2007-03-03 03:07:31 · 11 answers · asked by alao a 1

example ;your mamas so fat that she broke the trampoline

2007-03-03 03:03:07 · 8 answers · asked by POKEMON D/P WIFI-TAYLOR 2

it was the only way he could get spanked by eleven kids!!

2007-03-03 02:57:22 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

GHETTO SPELLIN' BEE
>>> >
>>> > Leroy is a 20 year-old inner-city 5th grader.
>>> > This is Leroy's assignment. He must use each
>>> > vocabulary word in a sentence:
>>> >
>>> > 1. Hotel - I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the ho
>>> > tell everybody.
>>> >
>>> > 2. Dictate - My girlfriend say my dictate good.
>>> >
>>> > 3. Catacomb - I saw Don King at da fight the
>>> > other night. Man, somebody get that catacomb.
>>> >
>>> > 4. Foreclose - If I pay alimony today, I got no
>>> > money foreclose.
>>> >
>>> > 5. Rectum - I had two Cadillac's, but my *****
>>> > rectum both.
>>> >
>>> > 6. Disappointment - My parole officer tol' me if
>>> > I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the
>>> > joint.
>>> >
>>> > 7. Penis - I went to the doctors and he handed me
>>> > a cup and said penis.
>>> >
>>> > 8. Israel - Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say,
>>> > "man, it look fake." He say, "Bullshit, that watch
>>> > israel".
>>> >
>>> > 9 . Undermine - There's a fine lookin' ho living
>>> > in the apartment undermine.
>>> >
>>> > 10. Acoustic - When I was little, my uncle bought
>>> > me acoustic, and took me to the poolhall.
>>> >
>>> > 11. Iraq - When we got to the poolhall, I tol'
>>> > my uncle; iraq, you break.
>>> >
>>> > 12. Stain - My mother-in-law stopped by and I
>>> > axed her, "Do you plan on stain for dinner?"
>>> >
>>> > 13. Fortify - I axed this ho on da street, "how
>>> > much?" she say "fortify."
>>> >
>>> > 14. Income - I just got in bed wif da ho and
>>> > income my wife.
>>> >
>>> > Furthering your education with Today's Ebonic
>>> > word: Today's word is: "OMELETTE"
>>> >
>>> > Let us use it in a sentence........ I should pop
>>> > yo *** fo what you jus did, but omelette dis one
>>> > slide.

2007-03-03 02:53:07 · 5 answers · asked by lokadanis69 1