Jokes & Riddles - March 2007

I turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champane bubble.
If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.



does anyone know the answer?!?!

2007-03-03 07:35:23 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-03 07:29:35 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

I know its rolling on floor laughing, but what is the COPTER part?

2007-03-03 07:27:18 · 4 answers · asked by Kelly 2

2007-03-03 07:20:03 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

I AM EXTREAMLY BORED CAN SOMEONE GIVE ME SOME JOKES? PRETTY PLEASE WITH A CHERRY ON TOP?? thank you!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-03-03 07:11:11 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Man is fed up with being burgled, so he teaches his parrot to dial 999 [our emergency no. for u yanks] he puts a phone in the birds cage. Off he goes to work, and later the parrot hears the sound of breaking glass, and he dials 999. Operator, "hello, which service do you require"? Parrot, "who's a pretty boy then."..

2007-03-03 07:06:10 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

Answer they prefer to see the world in terms of black and white.

2007-03-03 07:04:21 · 2 answers · asked by rostov 5

2007-03-03 07:02:12 · 3 answers · asked by wolfmiester007 2

2007-03-03 07:00:38 · 42 answers · asked by weatherscool84 1

Funny!!!

Wal-Mart Greeter
A very loud, unattractive, mean woman walked into Wal-Mart with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The Wal-Mart Greeter says "Good morning, and welcome to Wal-Mart.
Nice children you have there. Are they twins?"
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, "Hell no they ain't.
The oldest one's 9 and the other one's 6. Why the hell would think you they're twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?
"I'm neither blind nor stupid", replied the Greeter. "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice."

2007-03-03 07:00:38 · 4 answers · asked by d1ckdeckard 3

2007-03-03 07:00:15 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

Could you give me some please?

2007-03-03 06:58:17 · 4 answers · asked by Tom 2

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want..
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is $ex all you ever think
about?

2007-03-03 06:57:42 · 6 answers · asked by Louy 5

What song does a violinist sing to his violin?

2007-03-03 06:56:17 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

and will take them 10 days to get there. so they pack up their picnic and set off. when they finally arrive they start to unpack the food but, to their suprise, they did not pack the drinks. barry & harry both turn to larry and say "will you go back and get the drinks while we wait here?" larry refuses because he thinks they will eat all the food while he is gone, but after lots of promises from barry & harry that they will not eat anything untill he gets back, larry agrees. so he sets off on the long 20 day walk home, and back to the picnic spot. only, 10 days pass, then 20, then 30 and still no sign of larry returning. by this time barry & harry were starving and cannot resist the food any longer and decide to eat just one sandwich each, but, just as the food touches their lips, larry jumps out from behind a nearby bush and shouts "I KNEW IT....I'M NOT GOING!!!"

2007-03-03 06:54:01 · 10 answers · asked by Kelly 5

2007-03-03 06:53:18 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire his work.

2007-03-03 06:44:22 · 21 answers · asked by Dan 2

2007-03-03 06:43:03 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-03 06:40:50 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous

Bill asks. Bob replies, "I've been screwing his wife."

2007-03-03 06:38:59 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

okay
if you take an orange
and you cross it with an
elephant
what do you get???
10 points to the right first answer

2007-03-03 06:36:26 · 16 answers · asked by ♥oh*em*gee♥ 4

Hide in a bush and make a noise like a lettuce.

2007-03-03 06:29:59 · 12 answers · asked by q2bob 2

play this and you will see how Tom Cruise got hired for mission impossable or how will smith got persuite of happieness......


http://www.winterrowd.com/bubblewrap/

2007-03-03 06:29:46 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Every time he got an order he came in a Jiffy!

2007-03-03 06:19:43 · 10 answers · asked by Buckaroo Banzai 3

hitchhikers had to hold up a picture of their thumbs.

2007-03-03 06:19:21 · 5 answers · asked by kenmauiphoto 5

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"


Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.


Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.

Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.



A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy!





One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat- shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, " CLEMSON UNIVERSITY ."




It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

2007-03-03 06:17:55 · 22 answers · asked by Tink 5

2007-03-03 06:12:39 · 18 answers · asked by MissChievous 6

Because every time their mum comes to the front door to shout their kid in off the street, their kid replies: "mam am here"!

2007-03-03 06:04:07 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

"How was your game, dear?" asked Jack's wife Tracy. "Well, I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went," he answered.
"But you're 75 years old, Jack!" admonished his wife, "Why don't you take my brother Scott along?" "But he's 85 and doesn't play golf anymore," protested Jack.
"But he's got perfect eyesight. He would watch the ball for you," Tracy pointed out.
The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway. "Do you see it?" asked Jack. "Yup," Scott answered. "Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance. Scott replied, "I forgot."

2007-03-03 05:56:47 · 7 answers · asked by Kizzy_ 5

Ok so here's a question that ..oh i forget the percentages.. but more kindergarteners got it right than Harvard Law School grads did:

What is greater than god,
More evil than the devil;
The poor have it,
The rich need it;
And if you eat it you will die?

Good luck evrybody! ((hint: the answer is not love lol))

2007-03-03 05:52:52 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous