Jokes & Riddles - March 2007

Dust, high in fat low in fat..dust?

2007-03-03 14:03:16 · 1 answers · asked by missBambi 3

There's this guy in a restaraunt and he notices a spoon in a waiter's pocket. he asks why its in his pocket. hes says 9 times outta ten, people drop spoons. he then gets his food with a spoon. the customer notices a string from the waiter's pants. he asks him why he has a string there. the waiter said, we have this wrapped around our male part, so we dont use our hands and we dont waste soap. the customer then aks how the waiter gets it back in his pants. he says, well i dont know about you, but i use the spare spoon that i have in my pocket!!!!!!! Funny and absolutily unsanitary!!!!!

2007-03-03 13:56:50 · 7 answers · asked by machomarioman 2

I have never heard a blond man joke. So, if you know one feel free to tell it!

2007-03-03 13:48:56 · 15 answers · asked by Led*Zep*Babe 5

2007-03-03 13:41:01 · 14 answers · asked by Diamond 1

2007-03-03 13:34:35 · 8 answers · asked by Helen W 1

"What do you do to an elephant with three Balls"?

"Walk him and pitch to the rhino",

2007-03-03 13:16:54 · 9 answers · asked by Commander 3

January to december
sunday to saturday
Am to Pm
My feelings for u have never changed.......
u....
R....
always....
a HEADACHE to me !!!!


When u feel lonely and alone & cannot see any one around you,
the world seems to be fading away,
come along with me
i'll take u to an eye specialist !!

If marriages are made in heaven , then what are made in Hell?
Ans : the days after marriage


During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom made to sit
on the
horse
?
He is given his last chance to run away.


Just close ur eyes and think of urself for 10 seconds......
Open ur eyes !
Now you will realize that u have wasted 10 sec in thinking of a

fool............


I wrote ur name on the sands.............
it got washed away,
I wrote ur name in air..........................
it got blown away,
So i wrote ur name in my heart.............

i got a HEART ATTACK

2007-03-03 13:13:46 · 7 answers · asked by ||| Romeo Boy ||| 4

They are homeless men that use to hitch rides on trains. Anyway, these two Hobos are walking down the tracks and one of them says," Whew, I smell poop. Did you do something in your pants?" Other guy says, "no". A little further down the tracks and the first guy asks again, "I still smell it. Are you sure you didn't do anything in your pants?" Other guy says "no".
Finally the first guy says,"That's it! I still smell it! Pull your pants down!'' So he does and here's this big load of poop. "I thought you told me you didn't do anything in your pants!" exclaims the first guy. Other guy says " Oh, I thought you meant today."

2007-03-03 13:10:39 · 7 answers · asked by billy brite 6

there's a one story house,the carpet is yellow,the walls are blue,the couch is green and the table is pink.What color are the stairs???? you probably think im stupid 4 asking but i know the answer and your stupid if you dont!!!!!!!!

2007-03-03 13:10:27 · 32 answers · asked by cimone a 1

2007-03-03 13:06:05 · 8 answers · asked by kyung l 2

One of my friends sent this to me I think this is a good story!

A drunk man in an Oldsmobile
>
>They said had run the light
>
>That caused the six-car pileup
>
>On 109 that night.
>
>When broken bodies lay about
>
>"And blood was everywhere,"
>
>"The sirens screamed out eulogies,"
>
>For death was in the air.
>
>"A mother, trapped inside her car,"
>
>Was heard above the noise;
>
>Her plaintive plea near split the air:
>
>"Oh, God, please spare my boys!"
>
>She fought to loose her pinned hands;
>
>"She struggled to get free,"
>
>But mangled metal held her fast
>
>In grim captivity.
>
>Her frightened eyes then focused
>
>"On where the back seat once had been,"
>
>But all she saw was broken glass and
>
>Two children's seats crushed in.
>
>Her twins were nowhere to be seen;
>
>"She did not hear them cry, "
>
>"And then she prayed they'd been thrown free, "
>
>"Oh, God, don't let them die! "
>
>Then firemen came and cut her loose, "
>
>"But when they searched the back, "
>
>"They found therein no little boys, "
>
>But the seat belts were intact..
>
>They thought the woman had gone mad
>
>"And was traveling alone, "
>
>"But when they turned to question her, "
>
>They discovered she was gone.
>
>Policemen saw her running wild
>
>And screaming above the noise
>
>"In beseeching supplication, "
>
>Please help me find my boys!
>
>They're four years old and wear blue shirts;
>
>"Their jeans are blue to match.""
>
>"One cop spoke up, ""They're in my car, "
>
>And they don't have a scratch.
>
>They said their daddy put them there
>
>"And gave them each a cone, "
>
>Then told them both to wait for Mom
>
>To come and take them home.
>
>"I've searched the area high and low, "
>
>But I can't find their dad.
>
>"He must have fled the scene, "
>
>"I guess, and that is very bad."
>
>"The mother hugged the twins and said, "
>
>"While wiping at a tear, "
>
>"He could not flee the scene, you see, "
>
>"For he's been dead a year."
>
>"The cop just looked confused and asked, "
>
>"Now, how can that be true? "
>
>"The boys said, "" Mom my, Daddy came "
>
>"And left a kiss for you."" "
>
>He told us not to worry
>
>"And that you would be all right, "
>
>And then he put us in this car with
>
>"The pretty, flashing light. "
>
>"We wanted him to stay with us, "
>
>"Because we miss him so, "
>
>"But Mom my, he just hugged us tight "
>
>And said he had to go.
>
>He said someday we'd understand
>
>"And told us not to fuss, "
>
>"And he said to tell you, Mom my, "
>
>"He's watching over us."
>
>The mother knew without a doubt
>
>"That what they spoke was true, "
>
>"For she recalled their dad's last words, " " I will watch over you."
>
>The firemen's notes could not explain
>
>"The twisted, mangled car, "
>
>And how the three of them escaped
>
>Without a single scar.
>
>"But on the cop's report was scribed, "
>
>"In print so very fine, "
>
>An angel walked the beat tonight on Highway 109.

2007-03-03 13:03:04 · 11 answers · asked by Al 3

Richard Branson or Murdock... both rich but who is looking after you? and why are the soaps not put on after 10 00 clock. full of crap for kids lol.

2007-03-03 12:55:01 · 3 answers · asked by raybbies 5

ok , theres a farmer, who is trying to get 3 things across a big river.
a fox, a chicken and a sack of grain his boat only holds 2. him to row and one of the items.
if he leaves the fox with the chicken on either side of the river, the fox will eat the chicken, but ifhe leaves the chicken with the csack of grain, the chicken will eat the grain
how will he do it?


another few from wat i can remember of an old book

12 white horses on a red hill they dance they prance and then they stand still.
what am i?

this thing all things devours birds , beasts , trees, and flowers,
knaws iron, bites steel, and grinds hard stones to meal,
it comes first and follows after,
end life , kills laughter.
what am i?

2007-03-03 12:54:40 · 8 answers · asked by Sir. ChatsAlot 3

i sneeze too much is it a cold or a allergie?

2007-03-03 12:53:35 · 11 answers · asked by uknown person here 1

2007-03-03 12:53:23 · 16 answers · asked by pretty shy 3

GREATER THAN GOD...
EVIL MORE THAN THE DEVIL..
POOR DONT HAVE IT...
RICH NEED IT...
AND IF U EAT IT U DIE!!!

and easy bonuse....
if a donkey falls in river/pond how will he will he get out?

2007-03-03 12:52:18 · 15 answers · asked by Good Evening, Miss 3

I thought Geroge Bush was something that got caught between Zippy's teeth.

2007-03-03 12:48:29 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

How do you know when you've satisfied a redhead? She unties you!

Why are the people of New York City so depressed? The light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey

Afew Oxymorons
1 Resident alien
2 Legally drunk
3 Small crowd
4 Peace force

"If you got any good oxymorons lets hear them."

2007-03-03 12:47:06 · 9 answers · asked by denny 4

My friend sent this to me do you think it is worth a star?

SAND & STONE

TWO FRIENDS WERE WALKING
THROUGH THE DESERT.
DURING SOME POINT OF THE
JOURNEY, THEY HAD AN
ARGUMENT; AND ONE FRIEND
SLAPPED THE OTHER ONE
IN THE FACE.

THE ONE WHO GOT SLAPPED
WAS HURT, BUT WITHOUT
SAYING ANYTHING,
WROTE IN THE SAND:

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE.

THEY KEPT ON WALKING,
UNTIL THEY FOUND AN OASIS,
WHERE THEY DECIDED
TO TAKE A BATH.

THE ONE WHO HAD BEEN
SLAPPED GOT STUCK IN THE
MIRE AND STARTED DROWNING,
BUT THE FRIEND SAVED HIM.

AFTER HE RECOVERED FROM
THE NEAR DROWNING,
HE WROTE ON A STONE:

TODAY MY BEST FRIEND
SAVED MY LIFE.

THE FRIEND WHO HAD SLAPPED
AND SAVED HIS BEST FRIEND
ASKED HIM, "AFTER I HURT YOU,
YOU WROTE IN THE SAND AND NOW,
YOU WRITE ON A STONE, WHY?"

THE OTHER FRIEND REPLIED
"WHEN SOMEONE HURTS US
WE SHOULD WRITE IT DOWN
IN SAND WHERE WINDS OF
FORGIVENESS CAN ERASE IT AWAY.
BUT, WHEN SOMEONE DOES
SOMETHING GOOD FOR US,
WE MUST ENGRAVE IT IN STONE
WHERE NO WIND
CAN EVER ERASE IT."

LEARN TO WRITE
YOUR HURTS IN
THE SAND AND TO
CARVE YOUR
BENEFITS IN STONE.

THEY SAY IT TAKES A
MINUTE TO FIND A SPECIAL
PERSON, AN HOUR TO
APPRECIATE THEM, A DAY
TO LOVE THEM, BUT THEN
AN ENTIRE LIFE
TO FORGET THEM.

SEND THIS PHRASE TO
THE PEOPLE YOU'LL NEVER
FORGET. I JUST DID.

IF YOU DON'T
SEND IT TO ANYONE,
IT MEANS YOU'RE IN A
HURRY AND THAT YOU'VE
FORGOTTEN YOUR FRIENDS.
TAKE THE TIME TO LIVE!

DO NOT VALUE THE THINGS
YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE, BUT VALUE
WHO YOU HAVE IN YOUR LIFE !

2007-03-03 12:46:41 · 8 answers · asked by Al 3

And can you repeat them.

2007-03-03 12:42:19 · 9 answers · asked by totallymine2004 2

What do be want to say at your funneral? Do y'all know what I want them to say about me?

2007-03-03 12:41:55 · 12 answers · asked by Robby M 3

Andy and Pete were Having a slow round of golf. The two ladies in front of them managed to land in every sand trap, pond and rough on the coures. Andy finely volunteered to ask them if he and Pete could play though. He walked up the fairway, got halfway to the ladies, stooped, turned around and can back. " I can't do it. One of those ladies is my wife and the other is my misstress," he explained. " Would you go talk to them?"
So Pete took off towards the ladies, got halfway there, stooped. turn around and walked back to Andy. Schugging, he said, "Small world, isn't it?"

2007-03-03 12:40:47 · 5 answers · asked by denny 4

Please share any good I am sending them to a friend in Iraq so anything goes thanks for helping me get some smiles that way>>>

2007-03-03 12:30:33 · 14 answers · asked by ?asker 3

2007-03-03 12:29:59 · 7 answers · asked by Toilet 2

It's easier than you think.

2007-03-03 12:21:54 · 15 answers · asked by Tiffany 3

A guest in a posh hotel breakfast room called over the head waiter one morning and said with a wonderful and cheerful smile, "Good Morning, sir. What a wonderful morning! I'd like two boiled eggs, one of them so undercooked that it's runny, and the other so overcooked that it's tough and hard to eat. Also, I want some grilled bacon that has been left out so it gets a bit on the cold side; burnt toast that crumbles away as soon as you touch it with a knife; and I'd like some butter straight from the freezer so that it's impossible to spread; and a pot of weak coffee, luke-warm."
"I'm sorry, sir." said the bewildered waiter. "We cannot do that for you."

The guest replied, "Oh?, But that's what I got yesterday!"


i don't get it? that's what i don't understand?

2007-03-03 12:20:35 · 10 answers · asked by babycakes_rocks 3

Three football jocks are in a bar working on a puzzle. and suddenly they start hootin and hallerin and the bartender goes over to see what all the commotion is about. "whats so funny?" he asks. the jock on the left says." we finished this puzzle in an hour, and on the box it says three to four years!"

2007-03-03 12:20:12 · 27 answers · asked by Sir. ChatsAlot 3

All seats are taken. She says to a man "Please give me your seat, I'm pregant." He does, then realizes she doesn't look pregnant, so says "How long have you been pregnant?"
She answers "About half an hour. And boy am I tired!"

2007-03-03 12:15:01 · 10 answers · asked by Everyman 3

Many years ago, Mrs. Rosenberg was stranded late one nightat a fashionable resort on Cape Cod. She decided to take a room for the night.
The desk clerk looked down at his book and said, "Sorry, no room. The hotel is full."

Mrs. Rosenberg said, "But your sign says that you have vacancies."

The desk clerk stammered and then said curtly, "You know that we do not admit Jews.Now if you will try the other side of town..."

Mrs. Rosenberg stiffened noticeably and said, "I'll have you know, I converted to your religion."
The desk clerk said, "Oh, yeah, let me give you a little test.
How was Jesus born?"
Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "He was born to a virgin named Mary in a little town called Bethlehem."
"Pretty good," replied the hotel clerk. "And...."
Mrs. Rosenberg replied, "And... He was born in a manger."
"That's right," said the hotel clerk. "And why was he born in a manger?"
Mrs. Rosenberg said loudly, "Because a jerk like you in the hotel wouldn't rent a Jewish lady

2007-03-03 12:05:31 · 12 answers · asked by babycakes_rocks 3

it would make more sense if the life cycle was all backwards. you should die first, get it out of the way. then you live in an old age home. you get a silver watch and you go to work. you work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. you do booze, chicks/boys, you party, you go to grade school. you become a kid, u play, u have no worries. you become a little baby, u go back into the womb, spend your last 9 months floating, and u finish off as an O...:))

2007-03-03 12:04:35 · 10 answers · asked by mar 2