Jokes & Riddles - March 2007

Poke him in the eye...

2007-03-03 23:04:22 · 17 answers · asked by makhulu 1

A blind man walks into a bar, taps the man next him, and says, "Hey, wanna hear a blond joke?"

The man says back to the blind man, "Look buddy, I'm blond. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blond. The bouncer is blond. The man sitting over to your left is also blond. Still wanna tell that blond joke?"

The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, "Nah, I wouldn't want to have to explain it five times."

2007-03-03 22:24:05 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

jokes-not corny chat ups please

2007-03-03 22:15:14 · 8 answers · asked by johnc 4

and are you offended by that?

2007-03-03 22:13:53 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available a brand new Ferrari GTO. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500,000. He takes it out for a spin and stops for a red light. An old man on a moped pulls up next to him. The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny car and asks, "What kind of car ya'got there, sonny?" The young man replies, "A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars!"

"That's a lot of money," says the old man. "Why does it cost so much?" "Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the young dude proudly.

The moped driver asks, "Mind if I take a look inside?" "No problem," replies the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around. Then sitting back on his moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right...but I'll stick with my moped."

Just then the light changes so the guy decides to show the old man just what his car can do...........

2007-03-03 22:08:22 · 14 answers · asked by *♥short~sh!t♥* 3

Why did the teacher bring bird seeds to the meeting??

2007-03-03 22:04:28 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-03 21:56:49 · 7 answers · asked by sofmatty 4

Eight-year-old Nina brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good...mostly A's and a couple of B's.

However, her teacher had written across the bottom: "Nina is a smart little girl, but she has one fault. She talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her of the habit."

Nina's dad signed her report card, putting a note on the back: "Please let me know if your idea works on Nina because I would like to try it out on her mother."

2007-03-03 21:38:32 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

any advice
not too long as i'm kinda not great at talking

2007-03-03 21:38:25 · 7 answers · asked by johnc 4

2007-03-03 21:25:41 · 5 answers · asked by Brian 3

2007-03-03 21:15:32 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

in if so would you pay it

2007-03-03 21:11:01 · 2 answers · asked by twocenst 3

and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets.".................................

Good morning I sure hope ye all have a nice day!!!!!!

2007-03-03 20:52:06 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

how sad is yahoo violation this violation that,WELL-why did the chicken cross the road-ANS-.to get to the other side.-------VIOLATE THAT ONE THEN YAHOO

2007-03-03 20:46:17 · 16 answers · asked by reem2 3

Suppose you want to cook an egg for exactly 3 minutes. You have only a 5 minute hourglass timer and a 2 minute hourglass timer. Using these 2 timers, how can you boil the egg for exactly 3 minutes?

2007-03-03 20:42:53 · 18 answers · asked by xXx_AimZ_xXx 2

2007-03-03 20:40:02 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

2 ladies go out for the night and get slaughtered,on the way home they are both dying for a wee, but the only place they could go was the cemetary. After having a wee they realised they didn't have anything to wipe themselves with, so one of the ladies takes of her knickers off and uses them, the other lady dosn't like the idea of using her knickers,she looks around and sees a reef with a ribbon and uses that. Next day the two husbands meet up one says to the other thats the last time they go on a girls night out my wife came home with out any knickers on,thats nothing said the other husband my wife came back with a card stuck to her backside it read "from all the lads at the fire station,you will never be forgotten"

2007-03-03 20:13:16 · 26 answers · asked by Steve H 1

1) Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.

2) Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

3) A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.

4) A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.

5) Sponges are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.

6) A Web Page is Female because it's always getting hit on.

7) A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.

8) An Hour glass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.

9) A Hammer is Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.....

2007-03-03 20:01:20 · 10 answers · asked by *♥short~sh!t♥* 3

1. Nuts! My shaft is bent.

2. After 18 holes I can barely walk.

3. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker.

4. Look at the size of his putter.

5. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more.

6. Mind if I join your threesome?

7. Stand with your back turned and drop it.

8. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.

9. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired.

10. Hold up! I need to wash my balls first.

2007-03-03 19:54:56 · 11 answers · asked by *♥short~sh!t♥* 3

I want to die like my grandfather...in his sleep. Not like the three screaming passengers in his car.

2007-03-03 19:24:50 · 23 answers · asked by Commander 3

There are two very popular and common objects which have the same function, but one has thousands of moving parts, while the other has absolutely no moving parts

What are they?

2007-03-03 19:04:41 · 21 answers · asked by natalia 4

666 what does it mean? i think its simple, multiples of 6. thats it. take our greek alphabet and use them as multiples of 6 ,hence a=6 , b=12 , c=18 , d=24 , e=30 , and so on ect... next i will give you a name, and the name is {computer}. now add up the numbers for the corresponding letters in the name {computer}. so{ c=18, o=90, m=78, p=96, u=126, t=120, e=30, r=108. } 18+90+78+96+126+120+30+108=666. the mark of the beast is the mark of the computer and that would be what? a bar code?

2007-03-03 18:38:17 · 5 answers · asked by cool_hand_luke613 2

This elderly couple is watching one of those television preachers on TV one night.

The preacher faces the camera, and announces, "My friends, I'd like to share my healing powers with everyone watching this program. Place one hand on top of your TV and the other hand on the part of your bxdy which ailx you, and I will heal you."

The old woman has been having terrible stomach problems, so she places one hand on the television, and her other hand on her stomach. Meanwhile, her husband approaches the television, placing one hand on top of the TV and his other hand on his crxtch.

With a frown his wife says, "Ernest, he's talking about healing the sick, not raising the dexd."

2007-03-03 18:36:49 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time. She was reluctant to call upon little johnny, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crxde. But eventually his turn came.

Little johnny walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well the teacher couldn't figure out what johnny had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was.

"It's a pxriod," reported Wally.

"Well I can see that," she said. "But what is so exciting about a pxriod."

"Damned if I know," said johnny "But, this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself."

2007-03-03 18:26:37 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

that you can do with a SMILE....?

2007-03-03 18:21:57 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Little johnny runs into the bathroom one day to find his mother taking a bath. He points at her bxsh and asks, "What's that Mommy?"

A little embarrassed, she tells him that is is her sponge. Tommy is satisfied with that answer and goes back to playing with his toys.

Some time later, Tommy catches his mother in the shower shortly after she has shaved her bxsh for bikini season. Tommy asks her, "Where is your sponge mommy?"

Again embarrassed, she tells him that she lost it but will probably find it soon. Tommy is a little worried and promises his mommy that he will help her find it.

His mother says, "Okay," and goes back to showering.

Soon, Tommy comes running back in and says that he has found his mother's sponge.

"What do you mean you found my sponge? Where?" asked his mom.

"The lady next door has it, and she's washing Daddy's fxce with it!" reported Tommy.

2007-03-03 18:20:36 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

I love my Job, I love the Pay!
I love it more and more each day.
I love my Boss; she's the best!
I love her boss and all the rest.

I love my Office and its location -
I hate to have to go on vacation.
I love my furniture, drab and gray,
and the paper that piles up every day!

I love my chair in my padded Cell!
There's nothing else I love so well.
I love to work among my Peers -
I love their leers and jeers and sneers.

I love my Computer and all its Software;
I hug it often though it doesn't care...
I love each Program and every File,
I try to understand once in a while!!

I'm happy to be here, I am I am;
I'm the happiest Slave of my Uncle Sam.
I love this Work; I love these Chores.
I love the Meetings with deadly Bores.

I love my Job - I'll say it again -
I even love these friendly Men -
These men who've come to visit today
In lovely white coats to take me away!!

2007-03-03 18:07:33 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous

At noon and midnight the hour and minute hands are exactly coincident with each other. How many other times between noon and midnight do the hour and minute hands cross?
Ten points for the first right answer!!!!

2007-03-03 17:53:38 · 11 answers · asked by ANDREA 2

just what can i do, i am always bored. someone told me to go for a run but that only keeps me not bored for a little while. what else can i do?

2007-03-03 17:49:40 · 5 answers · asked by dew 1

ADD TO 100
With the numbers 123456789, make them add up to 100. They must stay in the same order. You can use addition, subtraction, multiplication, and division. Remember, they have to stay in the same order !!!
First one to answer correctly gets 10 points!!!!

2007-03-03 17:49:07 · 2 answers · asked by ANDREA 2