Jokes & Riddles - March 2007

2007-03-04 07:51:36 · 18 answers · asked by lateashareyes 1

A man went up to his friend and was like
"dude you have a pickle in your ear"
his friend took out the pickle and said
"sorry I didn't hear you I had a pickle in my ear" lol funny

2007-03-04 07:50:29 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

riddles

2007-03-04 07:49:21 · 14 answers · asked by lateashareyes 1

Guys, I'm originally Iranian and i get a lot of Persian (language spoken in Iran) jokes. for the first time I want to try translating a Persian joke into English. If it still sounds funny, then I might keep doing it. So, let me know what you think...

A man walks into the radiology to get the results of his CT scan. The blonde radiologist approaches him and shows him the result and says "See, in this 'PICTURE' you had a broken bone. But I fixed it with 'PHOTOSHOP'!!"

2007-03-04 07:48:46 · 12 answers · asked by Mohammad 3

Be put in a hungry lionS den for 2 mins or step in a yellow jackets nest and not be able to move for 5 mins?

MOST CREATIVE ANSWER WINS!!!


And you MUST PICK ONE =D

2007-03-04 07:45:47 · 22 answers · asked by Shorty 4

Jemima and Shaquana were discussing their favourite brain teasers at the kitchen table. "Seen any good rebuses lately?" asked Jemima between mouthfuls of food. "What's a rebus?" replied Shaquana. Jemima was in no mood for explanations. "[Exasperated sigh!] A rebus is a diagrammatic arrangement of pictures or characters that symbolises words or sayings. I'm sure you would have heard of them."

Shaquana looked puzzled, and said "I have no idea what you are talking about. I am getting up to get myself some more GEGS. Want some?" And when Jemima saw what her friend had left the table to go and bring back, she realised that Shaquana knew what a rebus was all along. What was Shaquana going to get?

2007-03-04 07:41:02 · 9 answers · asked by courtney the ho 2

Monkey Business

A Guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place.

The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes & eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see whatyour monkey just did?"

"No, what?"

"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me,"replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight, the little bum. Sorry I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff."

He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.

While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.

Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" he asks.

"No, what?" replied the man.

"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his butt, pulled it out, and ate it!" said the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to pass that cue ball, he measures everything first."

2007-03-04 07:39:15 · 18 answers · asked by Tink 5

um ok no yes i dont know creep?

2007-03-04 07:36:59 · 6 answers · asked by uknown person here 1

What is the sum for these number?

1 71440 12367879

2007-03-04 07:30:24 · 5 answers · asked by Jackie...boy 1

ok which line is correct

the egg yolk in the middle IS white

or

the egg yolk in the middle ARE white

and why

2007-03-04 07:28:34 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

This question is in my sons homework

2007-03-04 07:25:29 · 11 answers · asked by connorriffic87 2

A family had 2 brothers who were never disciplined about their language. They would swear constantly. One day their mother asked them not to swear at Sunday dinner because the minister was coming over. (I'll use the word 'damn', you can put in what ever word you want).
So during dinner one of the kids finally slipped and said, "Could someone please pass me the 'damn' salt?"
Their father backhanded the kid right off of his chair and looked straight at his brother and asked, "And, just what do YOU want?"
The brother says, "Well, I sure don't want the 'damn' salt!"

2007-03-04 07:02:24 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

The Jones' are playing golf when Mrs Jones hacked her shot through the window of the biggest house adjacent to the course.

"I warned you to be careful!" Said Mr Jones

So the couple went to the house to apologise

"Come in." Said a voice

They saw the damage that was done: glass was all over the place & a broken antique bottle was lying on its side near the window.

A large man reclining on the couch asked "Are you the people that broke my window?"

"Uh..yeah, sir. Sorry about that," said Mr Jones

"Don't apologise, actually I want to thank you! You see, I'm a Genie, & I've been trapped in that bottle for 1000 years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant 3 wishes. I'll give you each 1 wish & I'll keep the last 1 for myself."

"Wow, that's great!" said Mr Jones He pondered a moment & said "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."

"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do!"

"And What about the lady?"

2007-03-04 06:55:20 · 16 answers · asked by Jay A 3

2007-03-04 06:52:19 · 19 answers · asked by eragon1029 2

2007-03-04 06:43:26 · 7 answers · asked by samantha g 1

2007-03-04 06:42:30 · 18 answers · asked by b 1

Angus McCoatup

2007-03-04 06:38:37 · 10 answers · asked by Shirlie 2

A blonde was swerving all over the road and driving very badly, so she got pulled over by a cop.
The cop walked up to her window and asked, "Miss, why are you driving so recklessly?"

The blonde said, "I'm sorry sir, but wherever I go, there's always a tree in front of me and I can't seem to get away from it!"

The cop looked at her and said, "Lady, that's your air freshener!"

2007-03-04 06:36:43 · 18 answers · asked by Shirlie 2

2007-03-04 06:28:36 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

P. Diddy, Britney Spears, and Eminem all die and go to hell. The devil took Britney in his hands and she melted into a puddle. Then he took P. Diddy in his hands and he melted into a puddle. Then he took Eminem into his hands, but he didn't melt. The devil said, "why didn't you melt like the other two?"
He said, "Because Eminem melts in your mouth, not your hands."

2007-03-04 06:24:23 · 17 answers · asked by Shirlie 2

Manners went look him and so did Shut-up went too.
Shut-up saw a Policeman who said "Whats your name?"
"Shut- up"replied Shut up,
"Where's your manners?" asked the Policeman
"Over the fence looking for Dog-poo." replied the boy.

2007-03-04 06:12:17 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

I need the joke for a school project, but since im not that funny i dont know any jokes.

2007-03-04 06:08:50 · 12 answers · asked by tytrumpet101 2

was barely sitting (public loo) down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: "Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin' just fine!"

And the other guy says: "So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. "Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, "No........I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the guy say nervously...

"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!

2007-03-04 05:59:59 · 15 answers · asked by salima_guriya 1

1) What is a four-letter word that ends in k and means the same as intercourse?

2) What is it that a cow has four of and a woman has only two of?

3) What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it, and that women love so much that they often blow it?

4) What word starts with f and ends with u-c-k?

5) What four letter word begins with f and ends with k, and if you can't get one you can use your hands?

6) What is hard, six inches long, has two nuts, and can make a girl fat?

7) What is it that all men have one of; it's longer on some men than on others; the pope doesn't use his; and a man gives it to his wife after they're married?

2007-03-04 05:51:07 · 20 answers · asked by mysweetest666 1

Three friends had a good friend named Joe and he was, naturally, an eternal optimist. At every bad situation he would always say ''It could have been worse.'' His friends hated that quality about him, so they came up with a story so horrible that not even Joe could come up with a bright side. So the next day, only two of his friends showed up for a golf date. Joe asked, ''Where's Gary?''
And one of his friends said, ''Didn't you hear? Yesterday, Gary found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both, and then turned the gun on himself.'' Joe says,''Well it could have been worse.'' Both his friends said, ''How in hell could it be worse? Your best friend just killed himself!'' Joe says, ''If it had happened two days ago, I'd be dead now!''
.......
Girl: What's the price of this dress?Shopkeeper: only 5 kisses.
Girl: And this dress?
Shopkeeper: 10 kisses.
Girl: pack both the dress my Grandma will pay the bill.
........

2007-03-04 05:49:19 · 6 answers · asked by salima_guriya 1

A distinguished woman on a flight from Switzerland asked the Priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favor?" "Of course. What may I do for you?" "Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits, and I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?" "I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie." "With your honest face, Father, no one will question you." When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?" "From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare." The official thought this answer strange, so asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?" "I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused." Roaring with laughter, the official said, "Go ahead Father

2007-03-04 05:39:11 · 10 answers · asked by salima_guriya 1

How fast does darkness move? Can you here Silence?

2007-03-04 05:38:24 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

I wonder if you could market sanitary towels with christmas designs - for the festive period!!

2007-03-04 05:38:15 · 14 answers · asked by mistyblue 4

I had eighteen bottles of whiskey in my cellar and was told by my wife to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else... I said I would and proceeded with the unpleasant task.

I withdrew the cork from the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the second bottle and did likewise with it, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I then withdrew the cork from the third bottle and poured the whiskey down the sink which I drank. I pulled the cork from the fourth bottle down the sink and poured the bottle down the glass, which I drank. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next and drank one sink out of it, and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork down the bottle. Then I corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour.

When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the glasses, corks, bottles, and sinks with the other, which were twenty-nine, and as the houses came by I counted them again, and finally I had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank. I'm not under tha affluence of incohol as some tinkle peep I am. I'm not half as thunk as you might drink. I fool so feelish I don't know who is me, and the drunker I stand here, the longer I get.

2007-03-04 05:36:11 · 7 answers · asked by mysweetest666 1

WHY DID THE LEPRECHAUN WEAR 2 CONDOMS???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

"AH TO BE SURE ,.TO BE SURE he he he

2007-03-04 05:23:55 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous