can someone give me a funny but an appropriate joke. Please. I need it for a school project.?

Question

I need the joke for a school project, but since im not that funny i dont know any jokes.

Answer 1

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?"

Answer 2

kinda long, but here it is:
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One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work.

Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand.

With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."

He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.

It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable.

When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 3

Not your average joke, but as a quote it is more than neat..

I accidentally shot my father-in-law while deer hunting. It was an honest mistake. I came out of the tent in the morning and thought I saw a deer in an orange vest making coffee.|Steven Wright

Answer 4

cordaroy pillowcaces are making headlines

the toilet was stolen from a police station, they have nothing to go on

cross country skiing is fun as long as you live in a small country

I love eskalators they never break, they just turn into stairs

the energiser bunny was arrested, being charged with battery

Answer 5

Why did the punk rocker cross the road ? He was safety pinned to the chicken.

Answer 6

Why do seagulls fly over the ocean and not over the bay?
Because then they would be bagels!!

(Don't worry, you don't need jokes to be funny, silly goose!)

Answer 7

How many surrealistic painters does it take to screw in a light bulb?


Answer
The Fish

Answer 8

just do the old why did the chicken cross the road and make up your own reason

Answer 9

If we knew what we where doing, we would not call it research.
Albert Einstein.


Put that in somewhere.

Answer 10

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
U-nique up on it!!

Sorry - old one.