Jokes & Riddles - March 2007

2007-03-04 15:08:52 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

it's not a serious question.lol.

2007-03-04 15:08:04 · 5 answers · asked by ricardoo7224 1

One Russian guy, one Italian guy, and one American guy were chosen for a hunting competition. Their mission was to catch exotic animals in Africa.

First Day: The Host asks The American Guy what he caught. “2 Giraffes” Then he asks the Italian guy. “2 Elephants” Finally he asks the Russian Guy and he says “3 no-sirs” The other two were like “Wow I’ve never heard of that, that must be really exotic”

Second Day: The American has caught 3 gorillas, the Italian says he had caught 2 Kangaroos. The Russian Guy says “5 no-sirs” Again The two other men were amazed..

Third Day: The Two Jealous men followed the Russian man in to the jungle when they came upon a village. They kept on watching him. This is what they saw. The Russian guy comes up to one of the village guys and asks him if he was a gorilla when he said NO SIR, the Russian guy shot him.


Do you get it? If you dont let me know. When you rate explain why you rate that.

2007-03-04 15:02:49 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

my best wishes to saif ali....my best performer.....

sandeep...'ahmedabad'

actualy i dont know how to send....pl forward it to SAIF ALI...
this is for the first time i am using this menu...please.....

2007-03-04 14:55:35 · 6 answers · asked by sandy 1

Recently a "Husband Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return. A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping center to find some husbands...

First floor
The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.

Second floor
The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"

Third floor
This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework."
"Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went.

Fourth floor
This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak."
"Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor
The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please. The exit is to your left."

2007-03-04 14:53:22 · 6 answers · asked by gravytrain036 5

Tell it a scary story!

2007-03-04 14:29:40 · 11 answers · asked by ? 5

A little boy goes shopping with his mother and is standing outside of the ladies dressing room waiting for his Mom to come out. While waiting the little boy gets bored and just when his Mom comes walking out, she sees her son sliding his hand up a mannequin's skirt. "Get your hand out of there!" she shouts. "Don't you know that women have teeth down there?" The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars he didn't get bitten.


For the next ten years, this little boy grows up believing all women have teeth between their legs.


When he's 16, he gets a girlfriend. One night, while her parents are out of town, she invites him over for a little action. After an hour of making out and grinding on the sofa, she says, "You know, you could go a little further if you want."


"What do you mean?" he asks.


"Well, why don't you put your hand down there?" she says, pointing to her crotch.


"Hell no," he cries, "you've got teeth down there!"


"Don't be ridiculous," she responds, "there's no such thing as teeth down there!"


"Yes, there are," he says, "my Mom told me so."


"No, there aren't," she insists. "Here, look for yourself." With that, she pulls down her pants and gives him a little peek.


"No, I'm sorry" he says. "My Mom already told me that all women have teeth down there."


"Oh for crying out loud!" she cries. She whips off her panties, throws her legs behind her head and says, "LOOK, I DON'T have any teeth down there."


The boy takes a good long look and replies, "Well, after seeing the condition of those gums, I'm not surprised!"

2007-03-04 14:16:19 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

I have been searching for him for years.....

2007-03-04 14:06:43 · 8 answers · asked by Crystal Rene 2

A girl and guy were speeding over 100 mph on the road on a
motorcycle.. .

Girl: Slow down. Im scared.


Guy: No this is fun.


Girl: No its not. Please, its too scary!

Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: Fine, I love you. Slow down!


Guy: Now give me a BIG hug.
Girl hugs him
Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself? Its bugging
me.
In the paper the next day :( A motorcycle had crashed into a
building
because of brake failure. Two people were on it, but only one had
survived.



The truth was that halfway down the road, the guy realized that his
brakes broke, but he didn't want to let the girl know. Instead, he
had
her say she loved him & felt her hug him one last time, then had her
wear
his helmet so that she would live even though it meant that he would
die.

2007-03-04 13:39:05 · 21 answers · asked by idiot 2

2007-03-04 13:36:40 · 6 answers · asked by nalaredneb 7

You are a detective. You go to a scene where you found two men dead, in between them there is a parachute and two straws. How did they die?

2007-03-04 13:35:36 · 19 answers · asked by fcory05 1

2007-03-04 13:32:34 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

there was a little boy named jimmy and he was too young to take a bath by himself so he took a bath with his mom and she said dont look down he looked down and he said "mommy,mommy what is that?",she said "thats my garage" .next she took a bath with jimmy again and she said dont look up but he looked up and said mommy,mommy what are those? she said those are my head lights,the next day he took a bath with his dad and he said dont look down but he looked down and he said daddy,daddy what is that he said thats my limo,the next day he went to bed with them and they said dont look under the covers,he looked under and said "MOMMY,MOMMY,TURN ON UR HEAD LIGHTS,DADDY,S TRYNA PARK HIS LIMO IN UR GARAGE!"

2007-03-04 13:29:37 · 13 answers · asked by Yung Jay 2

A blonde was driving down the highway very slowly, so a cop pulled her over. The cop walked up to the car and said, "Do you know how fast you were going"
And the blonde replies, "Yeah, 18 sir."
"The speed limit is 60, it is dangerous to be going this slow"
"But the sign back there said the speed limit was 18."
"Mam, that was the highway sign" as the cop said this he noticed 3 quivering girls in the back. He has to the blonde, "What is wrong with them?"
The Blonde responded, "Well, we just got off Highway 177"

2007-03-04 13:13:01 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

ever in your life

2007-03-04 13:12:23 · 9 answers · asked by ... 4

Depends on how hard you throw them...

2007-03-04 13:06:34 · 18 answers · asked by Mikey b 2

ok, mtedder has already told this one, but can someone actually explain this joke?!
There r 2 alligators flying in china. One has a broken chair in its mouth. It asks, "Why are we doing this again?" and the other alligator replys, "it's Wednesday DUH!"
I seriously don't understand this....-_-v

2007-03-04 13:06:27 · 12 answers · asked by amanoleo297 1

How do you catch a Unique rabbit?

How do you catch a Tame rabbit?

2007-03-04 13:05:14 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.

He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

2007-03-04 12:59:20 · 26 answers · asked by DX_RULZ 2

Does anyone know any Yo Mamma jokes because i have a battle with my friend tomorrow. If anyone does( just to let you know) tell me the bad ones too.

2007-03-04 12:50:40 · 9 answers · asked by skimboardergal6 3

How to Annoy Your Co-Workers


1) Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
2) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you.
3) Make up nicknames for all your co-workers and refer to them only by these names. "That's a good point, Sparky." "No, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disagree with you there, Chachie."
4) Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what you're doing. For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom."
5) Hi-Lite your shoes. Tell people you haven't lost them as often since you did this.
6) While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive. Call everyone Madge.
7) Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee, a printout, or whatever, slap yourself at random the whole way.

i'll add more in a sec.....

2007-03-04 12:48:16 · 11 answers · asked by LOVE♥ 1

In an exceptionally long corridor in the Virtupets Space Station, there are one thousand windows along one wall. Coincidentally, there are exactly one thousand Grundos in the station. Dr Sloth orders the first Grundo to open the blinds on every window. Then, he orders the second Grundo to close the blinds on every second window. Then the third Grundo is told to go to every third window, and close the blinds if they are open, and open the blinds if they are closed. The fourth Grundo does this for every fourth window, and so on.

After all 1000 Grundos complete the process, how many blinds are open?

2007-03-04 12:39:20 · 9 answers · asked by L3monDr0p 4

I have this awesome math formula that is guaranteed to work every single time.

Pick a #.
Double it
Double it.
Add 12.
Divide by 2.
Subtract the # that you first thought of.
You always get the answer 6! Every single time!

Try 1 for example.
1 x 2=2
2+12=14
14/2=7
7-1=6

Try any numbers that you can think of and use the formula and you will always get the answer 6. I think that it is cool.

2007-03-04 12:39:09 · 16 answers · asked by Prayer Warrior 5

One door leads to death and one to life. One person only lies and one person only tells the truth. What one question would you ask to find the door to life?

2007-03-04 12:37:08 · 15 answers · asked by deettabonnette 2

I need some good ideas for a prank call to play on my boyfriend for plastic wrapping the seat. please give me the number to dial first so he cannot call you back. Thanks a whole bunch, and it would be great if you give me a video of the prank.

2007-03-04 12:20:37 · 8 answers · asked by Crazze Chik 2

Does anyone know where to find the e-mail or video clip where they show a scene of this meadow and play happy music then all of a sudden a ghost pops out and screams?

2007-03-04 12:04:38 · 9 answers · asked by peanuttya 1

You have to take into account that you've done all the work by getting on the show and answeing most of the questions.But without your mate's One answer you would have dropped a heck of a lot of CASH. Do you think that you should come to some arrangement beforehand?

2007-03-04 12:04:30 · 11 answers · asked by Vincent A 3

2007-03-04 11:58:27 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous

FUR TRADERS !!!!

2007-03-04 11:49:13 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Packaging warnings

The following are all taken from packaging: we live in a frightening world

On a Sears hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."

On a bag of Fritos:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."

On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."

On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down."

Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating."

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness."

On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."

On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts."

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

And my absolute favourite
On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."

2007-03-04 11:47:43 · 23 answers · asked by Tink 5