Jokes & Riddles - March 2007

there was a deaf man, blind man and a dumb man. The deaf man ran away with the blind man's wife. How is the dumb man goin to let the blind man know bout this? no other ppl r involvd in this

2007-03-05 03:00:22 · 9 answers · asked by adma I 1

A vietnamiese man went to see the eye doctor, after careful examination the doctor tells the man he has a cataract, to which the vietnamiese man then says "no I have a Honda"

2007-03-05 02:55:29 · 8 answers · asked by 1982 3

Need a good old belly laugh,funniest for best answer.

2007-03-05 02:45:04 · 6 answers · asked by patsy 3

2007-03-05 02:35:20 · 2 answers · asked by Eliseo C 1

Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year.

2007-03-05 02:18:11 · 5 answers · asked by ReAdInG tHiS wAsTeS 5 SeCoNdS oF yOuR pReCiOuS LiFe 1

2007-03-05 02:17:19 · 4 answers · asked by ReAdInG tHiS wAsTeS 5 SeCoNdS oF yOuR pReCiOuS LiFe 1

All of my life i have been thinking about this question.

2007-03-05 02:16:23 · 13 answers · asked by raven smithers 2

Caption for the following image

http://i5.tinypic.com/4h2girq.gif

My favourite will get best answer have fun!

2007-03-05 02:16:08 · 4 answers · asked by Big Bear 1

A driver is stopped by a police officer. The driver asks, "What's the problem officer?" Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone." Man: "No sir, I was going 65." Wife: "Oh, Harry. You were going 80." (The man gives his wife a dirty look.) Officer: "I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light." Man: "Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light!" Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks." (The man gives his wife another dirty look.) Officer: "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seatbelt." Man: "Oh I just took it off when you were walking up to the car." Wife: "Oh Harry, you never wear your seatbelt." The man turns to his wife and yells, "SHUT YOUR MOUTH!" The Officer turns to the woman and asks, "Ma'am, does your husband talk to you this way all the time?" The wife says, "No, only when he's drunk."

2007-03-05 02:12:17 · 9 answers · asked by salima_guriya 1

Do you think that when you're driving through a Safari Park and the monkeys rip parts from your car, that they are gradually, building a car from the bits, to escape in?

2007-03-05 02:11:54 · 16 answers · asked by Yokay Booboo 3

2007-03-05 02:10:43 · 3 answers · asked by Ali 2

I can run but never walk?
I have a mouth but never talk?
I have a bed but never sleep?
I have a head but never weep?

2007-03-05 02:09:58 · 7 answers · asked by am 2

2007-03-05 02:06:16 · 8 answers · asked by Ali 2

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers.

"Yes," he said. "My dad taught me."

"Good! Can you tell me what comes after three?"

"Four," answers little Johnny.

"What comes after six?"

"Seven."

"Very good," says the teacher. "Your father did a good job. What comes after ten?"

A jack," answered little Johnny.


Little Johnny wasn't getting good marks in school. One day he surprised the teacher with an announcement.

He tapped her on the shoulder and said, "I don't want to scare you, but my daddy says if I don't get better grades... somebody is going to get a spanking."

Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool.

"You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you."

"But everyone pees in the pool," said Little Johnny.

"Maybe," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!"

2007-03-05 01:43:48 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me.

I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."

Her boyfriend asks, "What's it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."

He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then....." He sighs.
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"We'll put all the Frosties back in the box!!"

i think i live up to my name LOKI lord of mischeif!!!!!!!

2007-03-05 01:43:05 · 46 answers · asked by Anonymous

10. God worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.

9. God knew that Adam would one day require someone to locate and hand him the TV remote.

8. God knew that Adam would never go out and get himself a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would therefore need Eve to get one for him.

7. God knew that Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist or haircut appointment for himself.

6. God knew that Adam would never be able to remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.

5. God knew that if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

4. As Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.

3. Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone!

And -- the number ONE reason that God created Eve...

1. When God finished creating Adam, He stepped back, scratched His head and said, "I can do better than that."

2007-03-05 01:34:10 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Theres this lady that comes in to work and shes tryin to figure out a way to get her boss to let her have a few days off. So then she says well if i act crazey then shell send me home for a couple of days. so the next day the blonde comes in and looks up and the lady is hanging from the celling-fan. So the blonde ask her whats shes doin. and the women reply, " im a light bolb". A few mins later the boss comes in and sees that she hang on the fan and ask what she doin, the women reply. im a light bolb. the boss gets her down, tell her to go home and take a few days off and come back when she feels better. well the boss turns around and the blondes walkin out. so she says were do u think your goin? The blonde replys, I can't see in the dark!!!

2007-03-05 01:27:53 · 8 answers · asked by slick_chik316 3

that weneva you call a wrong number they're always in!!!!

2007-03-05 01:21:13 · 14 answers · asked by **Missy** 3

man--what would have happened if there were no railways around the world,,
blonde--all the railway stations would have been empty,,

2007-03-05 01:13:39 · 8 answers · asked by gunkedar 2

Two Aliens land on earth next to a gas station. The Aliens waddle out of their ship & look around. The first thing they see that resembles a being is the Gas pump. The two Aliens approach.

The first one says "Earthling, take me to your leader!"
No response.

The first Alien looks at his buddy then addresses the pump again. "Earthling, I said Take me to your leader!"
Still no response.

The first Alien then turns to the second and says "If this Earthling doesn't show me some respect I'm going to blast him!"

The second Alien replies "O.K. but, I'm just going to stand down on the next block."

The first Alien looks a little puzzled, but waits for the other to waddle to the next block. He then addresses pump a third time.

"Earthling take me to your leader!"
Again, no response.

The Alien then pulls out his ray-gun and shoots the pump. After the explosion the Alien gets up, dusts himself off then goes down the block to his buddy.

2007-03-05 01:11:14 · 19 answers · asked by Jay A 3

2007-03-05 01:08:36 · 20 answers · asked by Laura Palmer 5

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahh, it's cute.
3. Why don't we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. Make it dance.
6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?
7. Wow, and your feet are so big.
8. It's OK, we'll work around it.
9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10. Oh no... a flash headache.
11. (giggle and point)
12. Can I be honest with you?
13. How sweet, you brought incense.
14. This explains your car.
15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
16. Why is God punishing me?
17. At least this won't take long.
18. I never saw one like that before.
19. But it still works, right?
20. It looks so unused.
21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
23. Are you cold?
24. If you get me real drunk first.
25. Is that an optical illusion?

2007-03-05 01:00:12 · 29 answers · asked by Jay A 3

This little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears thumping coming from his parents bedroom. Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I wake up and hear you and Daddy making noises and when I look into your room your bouncing up and down on him." His mother replies with, "Oh,..well... ah...well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that squishes his belly down and makes him thin again.."The boy replies, "Duh, mom, that won't work because the lady next door just comes over every day and blows him back up.
.....

2007-03-05 00:55:36 · 16 answers · asked by salima_guriya 1

can you link Richard Pryor to Orlando Bloom?

I done it in 6.

2007-03-05 00:34:13 · 3 answers · asked by arrrthelifeofapirate 3

Think carefully before answering!!

Tension happens in brain and love is felt in heart.
Then why do people get heart attack when they r tensed and why do people get mad when love fails?????
Think.. think!!!!

2007-03-05 00:31:51 · 12 answers · asked by lets_smile07 1

I have been reported twice for posting jokes on here. The jokes weren't racist or offensive to anyone, they weren't really crude and i have definitely read worse than mine on here. If you don't like the joke. dont read it, simple!!!!!

2007-03-05 00:22:46 · 25 answers · asked by **Missy** 3

saregamapa2007@zeetv

2007-03-05 00:17:49 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

I am need of a money making venture and wonder if this business could work. The emergency stairs are hardly used and if a fire occurred the people would be safer by using the rafts, also the water would stop fire from progressing. Fire hoses are positioned at the top of the stairs. Please give me the benefit of your worldly experience in how to overcome problems or what to look out for. Thanks David T.

2007-03-05 00:16:11 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-05 00:10:23 · 14 answers · asked by rebelady28379 7

Foot; Foot foot and Foot foot foot were 3 rabbits. There was a drought and so the grass around their burrow was very sparse. The poor souls wer hungry .

Foot had noticed that where farmer Giles was irrigating his crop the grass was lush and green. He spoke to his fellow rabbits
" Lets go down to feed on this grass. I am so hungry and the food looks so good"
Foot foot was hesitant and frightened for the consequence of this action.
" The farmer has a gun and will shoot us. It is too dangerous"

Foot and foot foot foot decided to go alone. Sadly just as they were having their fill, farmer Giles spotted them and shot at them with his gun. Unfortunately foot was killed but foot foot foot made it back to the burrow.

3 days went by, foot foot foot was becoming hungry again so he pleaded with foot foot to return with him to the lush meadow.
Foot foot said

"Have you not learned anything? We have already got one foot in the grave.......!"

2007-03-05 00:09:33 · 11 answers · asked by deepee 4