Jokes & Riddles - March 2007

Two small boys met during their first day at school.

"My name is Billy. What's yours?" asked the first boy.

"Tommy," replied the second.

"My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Billy.

Tommy replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."

"Honest?" asked Billy.

"No, just the regular kind," replied Tommy.

Summer vacation was over and the teacher asked Little Rodney about his family vacation.

"We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota."

The teacher asked, "Good, can you tell the class how you spell that?"

Little Rodney replied, "My mistake. Actually, she lives in Ohio."

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office.

"Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff."

"We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off."

"Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"

2007-03-03 17:49:00 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Why did the pepsi worker get fired?
He was a coke addict!

2007-03-03 17:48:08 · 11 answers · asked by Simon Says Touch Your Nose 5

A young mother was once again pregnant and trying to explain to her little girl just how she had gotten that way. She explained how a baby was growing in her tummy, and how it took and egg and a spxrm. Daddy made the spxrm, and Mommy made the egg.

Then the little girl asked her mother, "So, if it takes a spxrm and an egg to make a baby, and the egg is already in your tummy, then how does the spxrm get in there? Does Mommy swxllow it?"

The little girl's mother replied, "She does, if she wants a new cocktail dress."

2007-03-03 17:40:52 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

The people who make it don't want it.
The people who buy it don't use it.
The people who use it don't know that they are using it.

2007-03-03 17:13:07 · 16 answers · asked by Mandy 2

A guard is standing in front of a club and only lets people who know the password, in. A man walks up to the guard. The guard says "6" and the man says "3" and is let in. Another man walks up to the guard. The guard says "12" and the man says "6" and is let in. A man watcing nearby thinks to himself, "Well obviously, you say half the number that the guard says." The man walked up to the guard. The guard says "10" and the man says "5" but he does not get it. What should he have said and why? [If you get the answer right and do not tell me why, I cannot give you your 10 points!]

2007-03-03 17:03:03 · 15 answers · asked by Kylie 2

any funny ones? once me & my boyfriend got one for PDA. it was after school and i had to drive back to get my Calculus book and then i had closed my locker door and my boyfriend ran behind me and hugged me and then i screamed and we were against the lockers kissing [hehe!] and then Mrs.Woodward comes out running and sees us and goes "MY GOODNESS!" and pulls us apart and goes "DETENTION TOMORROW AT 3:15!!" lol.

2007-03-03 16:37:52 · 5 answers · asked by lauren 2

The World's Hardest Riddle
I turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champane bubble.
If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.
Can you guess the riddle?



WHAT'S THE ANSWER?!

2007-03-03 16:31:49 · 19 answers · asked by um, me? 1

Presidential candidates, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama and John Edwards were flying to a convention. Barack looked at Hillary, chuckled and said, "You know, I could throw a $1,000 bill out of the window right now and make somebody very happy."

Hillary shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could throw ten $100bills out of the window and make ten people very happy." John added, "That being the case, I could throw one hundred $10 bills out of the window and make a hundred people very happy."

Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said to his co-pilot, "Such big-shots back there. I could throw all of them out of the window and make 156 million people very happy."

2007-03-03 16:23:42 · 26 answers · asked by g_rachel04 2

there is this funny lipstick joke it goes like this u put lipstick all over ur head to make up ur mind

2007-03-03 16:19:55 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A social worker, a mercenary, and a priest are on a plane when it starts going down. They run to the back of the plane and all start to panic.
Social Worker: We have to save the children!
Mercenary: F*** the children!
Priest: Do we have time?

Ok... Sry if you have a problem with this. I've liked it since I was 7 so w/e.

Tell me some of your jokes!

2007-03-03 16:14:22 · 7 answers · asked by Liz | 2

Find it funny on the net..

2007-03-03 16:10:54 · 7 answers · asked by raybbies 5

2007-03-03 16:08:38 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Can you finish....
Little Bo Peep lost her sheep.....

Little Jack Horner sat in the corner....

Tom Thumb....

2007-03-03 16:05:24 · 7 answers · asked by Gingersnap 3

this kid keeped singing this song in my lang arts class it is so funny it goes like this "there was a genie with a 10 foot weenie so he showed it to the girl next door she thought it was a snack so she hit it with a rake not now its only 10 foot 4" lol no im serous laugh out loud

2007-03-03 16:01:51 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

If you could think of a comical invention,something most folks would get a "kick" out of.....young or old, what would it be? It could be a toy, a poem, a skit, hat etc....you get the picture

This is just a fun question for laughs...Please keep it clean....not interested in perverted answers

2007-03-03 15:58:32 · 8 answers · asked by EvelynMine 7

Okay, I have this friend that is totally ticklish. I did not know at first but his wife told me. I have decided that I want to catch him and tickle him but good. His wife said he is dangerous when being tickled, he punches, kicks and scratches. What do you think the best way to get his gaurd down is. Any suggestion. If I can tickle him for a solid minute I think I can get him to poo himself. Help me out.

2007-03-03 15:49:42 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-03-03 15:43:42 · 15 answers · asked by syfox133 2

book of moving on. ford is the joke here..lol

2007-03-03 15:38:34 · 24 answers · asked by raybbies 5

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Alan
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Brenda
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Cole
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Daisy
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Eric
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Faye
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Gage
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Hannah
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Isaac
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Jade
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Kyle
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Lisa
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Mason
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Nellie
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Oliver
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Posey
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Quentin
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Riley
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Sage
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Tara
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Ulysses
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Victoria
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Warren
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Xhea
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Yuri
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Zoey

Hint: The answer is not that the names change from boy to girl or if it's in alphabetical order. Now that I think of it, it's easy.

2007-03-03 15:35:28 · 12 answers · asked by Josh H 1

2007-03-03 15:08:45 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

???????? **ThAnKs**

2007-03-03 14:50:55 · 8 answers · asked by *BrItTaNy* 2

...but he says he doesnt use a string or anything sticky,he like holds the card flat on his hand and then it starts to stand up and "float" somebody must know the answer...PLEASE { ;

2007-03-03 14:47:03 · 3 answers · asked by jessica rhiannon 1

2007-03-03 14:44:42 · 7 answers · asked by GB_Can 1

2007-03-03 14:38:04 · 12 answers · asked by GB_Can 1

Tell me some stories??

2007-03-03 14:33:00 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Women drivers.

2007-03-03 14:14:31 · 17 answers · asked by niner f 1

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a drop off (hte ground is 18 to 20 inches below the level you are on) and on your right side is a fire engine traveling the same speed as you. In front of you is a galloping horse which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is another galloping horse. Both horses are also traveling at the same speed as you.
What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

2007-03-03 14:13:43 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

It is really good
The very first ever Blonde GUY joke..... And well worth the wait!!!
>
> An Irishman , a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on
> scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.
>
> They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get
> corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this
> building."
>
> The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get
> burritos one more time I' m going to jump off, too."
>
> The blonde opened his lunch and said, " Bologna again! If I get a bologna
> sandwich one more time, I'm jumpin g too."
>
> The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage,
> and jumped to his death.

>
>
> The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
>
> The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as
> well.
.....

2007-03-03 14:11:30 · 15 answers · asked by Lorraine 3

This little girl her mom packed her an orange but she didn't like oranges so she dropped it and the house blew up then she cried. And then there was this little boy he didn't feelgood so he puked in school and it blew upand he cried. Then this blonde girl adult size she don't know how but her house blew up and she was laughing really hard and someone asked "Why are you laughing" then she said "I farted to make the house blow up"

2007-03-03 14:09:53 · 3 answers · asked by carlosdr 1

i live in the arctic and just the other day i saw a polar bear outside putting sunscreen on his snowballs !

2007-03-03 14:06:04 · 9 answers · asked by dali333 7