Do you have a good joke?

Question

Please share any good I am sending them to a friend in Iraq so anything goes thanks for helping me get some smiles that way>>>

Answer 1

One night a father sent his kid to bed. Five minutes later the boy screamed, ''Dad! Can you get me a glass of water!?!''
''No. You had your chance.''
A minute later the boy screamed ''Dad!! Can you get me a glass of water?''
''No. You had your chance. Next time you ask I'll come up there and spank you.''
''Dad! When you come up to spank me can you bring me a glass or water?'

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah (in bible) was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.
The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."
The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, and then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."
The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion."
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?" One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. What about your son?"
The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub." The three friends said: "What a shame..what a disappointment." The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends."

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.The next morning, the man awoke, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't awakened him when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The message on the paper read, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."


hope u feel better soon ;D

Answer 2

An A flat, a D flat, a C flat, and an F walk into a bar and the bartender says, "im sorry, we dont serve minors." Im not sure the notes are right ill go double check.

Answer 3

"Now there are reports from Baghdad that officials are taking bribes for favors, giving jobs to their relatives, taking money under the table from contractors. You know what this means? The war is less than a week old, and already they have an American-style democracy." —Jay Leno

Answer 4

THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN,




WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA.







SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN



PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED.







THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. "THAT WAS MY



PAGER," SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF MY



ARM.







A FEW MINUTES LATER, A PHONE RANG. THE SECOND YOUNG



WOMAN LIFTED HER PALM TO HER EAR. WHEN SHE FINISHED, SHE



EXPLAINED, "THAT WAS MY MOBILE PHONE. I HAVE A



MICROCHIP IN MY HAND."







THE OLDER WOMAN FELT VERY LOW TECH. NOT TO BE OUT



DONE, SHE DECIDED SHE HAD TO DO SOMETHING JUST



AS IMPRESSIVE. SHE STEPPED OUT OF THE SAUNA AND WENT TO THE



BATHROOM. SHE RETURNED WITH A PIECE OF TOILET



PAPER HANGING FROM HER REAR END. THE OTHERS RAISED



THEIR EYEBROWS AND STARED AT HER.







THE OLDER WOMAN FINALLY SAID.........



WELL, WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT... I'M GETTING A FAX!!

Answer 5

A donut walk into a bar and asks for a cold one, the bartender says, "we don't serve food here".

Answer 6

Mickey and Minnie are in divorce court, and the judge says to mickey "i'm going to grant you this divorce on the grounds that minnie is crazy." Mickey replies to the judge, "i didn't say she was crazy, i said she was f--king Goofy" (in your best Mickey Mouse voice)

Answer 7

Hey did you hear about that kid who fell out the bus?

How did he fall out a bus?

I don't know I had my face in a pile of mud...so I couldnt say

Answer 8

a girl in a plane that is about to crash decides that she wants to die feeling like a woman.

she stands up and gets naked, saying," who here is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

one guy stands up, taking off his shirt, and says,"here, you can iron this."

Answer 9

I'd just set one up on the yahoo answers and come by and guess the answers. Look up "Do y'all know the answer to this joke?" by me.

Answer 10

http://glumbert.com/media/spiders