Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

In a bedroom there is an open window, a rock, broken glass and water on the floor and John and Mary are laying death on the ground...

how were they killed?

2007-02-26 03:42:55 · 20 answers · asked by pervertidamente 2

2007-02-26 03:40:05 · 10 answers · asked by Diana R 1

do you ever get a sore back?

2007-02-26 03:36:31 · 9 answers · asked by Kenny K 4

Here is the riddle: This man walks in to a restraunt and orders trout;after he eats it he goes outside and kills himself. Why is this. You all post your answers and i'll come back to give you more details if you need them. Good Luck
p.s : it deals back with him and 2 friends at a lake. also he is depressed. And is because he ate the fish.

2007-02-26 03:34:50 · 4 answers · asked by Twister 4

Why do we say it's rainning cat's and dogs?

2007-02-26 03:32:57 · 17 answers · asked by pervertidamente 2

A man lives on the 79th floor of a block of flats. Every weekday morning he gets in the lift; goes down to the ground floor, and travels to work.
When he comes home in the evening he climbs the stairs up to the 79th floor.
Why?
FAQ's. No, he is not a keep-fit fanatic. Yes, the lift is working, and travels both up and down. And yes, it stops at every floor.
All the info is there for you to answer the question.
If you have heard this question before, please give others a chance to answer.
And I dread to think what kinda answers I'm gonna get!

2007-02-26 03:24:20 · 12 answers · asked by Bunts 6

Include Your Children when Baking Cookies



Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says



Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers



Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted



Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case



Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?



Prostitutes Appeal to Pope



Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over



British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands



Eye Drops Off Shelf



Teacher Strikes Idle Kids



Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax



Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told



Miners Refuse to Work after Death



Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant



Stolen Painting Found by Tree



Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter



Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years



Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One



War Dims Hope for Peace



If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While



Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures



Deer Kill 17,000



Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide



Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges



Typhoon Rips through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead



Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge



New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group



Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft



Kids Make Nutritious Snacks



Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy



Arson Suspect Held in Massachusetts Fire



Ban on Soliciting Dead in Trotwood



Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half



New Vaccine May Contain Rabies



Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

2007-02-26 03:20:24 · 4 answers · asked by dp 2

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain,they name him "Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds,"But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

2007-02-26 03:18:13 · 15 answers · asked by Flying Scotsman 2

2007-02-26 03:17:38 · 5 answers · asked by Rakesh c 2

What do dandruff and the police have in common?


They both show up mostly on black.

2007-02-26 02:55:21 · 11 answers · asked by r~@~w 4

2007-02-26 02:51:50 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-26 02:37:10 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

take a look at this riddle thing..
http://www.subliminalmessages.com/p40.htm
once i saw it i was like, wow.

tell me if you see it too-- freaked out??

2007-02-26 02:36:50 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Suzie was standing over her husbands deathbed, andas she held his hand her warm tears ran down her cheeks and splashed onto her sleeping husbands face. Her tears awakened him.

"My darling Suzie " he began. "Hush my love" she said. "Ssssh..., go back to sleep dear "


But he was insistent."Suzie" he said in his frail, tired voice. "I must talk, I must confess something to you" "Theres nothing to confess" said the weeping Suzie "It's ok. Everythings ok. Get some rest now. "

"No no, I must die in peace my Suzie. I slept with your sister, your best friend and your mother." The heartbroken Suzie mustered a pained smile and stroked his hand. " hush
now Jimmy, dont torment yourself. I know all about it" she said. "Why do you think I poisoned you?"

2007-02-26 02:35:56 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

GEOGRAPHY OF WOMEN
Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile soil.

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like America, well developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like France, gently aging but still warm and a desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Yugoslavia, lost the war and haunted by past mistakes.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Russia, very wide and borders are now unpatrolled.

After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages...only those with an adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge visit there.

GEOGRAPHY OF MEN
Between 1 and 70, a man is like Iraq - ruled by a dick

2007-02-26 02:28:40 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Before - You take my breath away
After - I feel like I'm suffocating
Before - Twice a night
After - Twice a month
Before - Saturday Night Fever
After - Monday Night Football
Before - Don't stop
After - Don't start
Before - Is that all you're having?
After - Maybe you should have just a salad, honey
Before - It's like I'm living in a dream
After - It's like I'm living in a dorm
Before - Roses $60/doz.
After - Roses $1.50/stem
Before - Turbocharged
After - Jumpstart
Before - Charming and Noble
After - Chernobyl
Before - Feathers and handcuffs
After - Ball and chain
Before - I love a woman with curves
After - I never said you were fat
Before - He's completely lost without me
After - Why won't he ever ask for directions?
Before - Time stood still
After - This relationship is going nowhere
Before - You look so seductive in black
After - Your clothes are so depressing

2007-02-26 02:22:24 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

http://www.subliminalmessages.com/carinsurance17f.htm is the address for the riddle ... it is a very complicated one .. plz give the solution

2007-02-26 02:16:13 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Tyler was excited about his first day at school. So excited in fact,
that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he
desperately needed to go to the bathroom. So, Tyler raised his hand
politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course, the teacher said yes,
but asked Tyler to be quick. Five minutes later Tyler returned, looking
more desperate and embarrassed. "I can't find it," he admitted.

The teacher sat Tyler down and drew him a little diagram to where he
should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now. Tyler looked
at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way. Well five minutes later
he returned to the class room and says to the teacher, "I can't find
it." Frustrated, the teacher asked Tommy, a boy who has been at the
school for awhile, to help him find the bathroom. So, Tommy and

Tyler go together and five minutes later they both return and sit down
at their seats.The teacher asks Tommy, "Well, did you find it?"

2007-02-26 02:14:29 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state of agitation.

"Father!" she cried, "Just WAIT until you hear this!"

The priest led the sister to a chair and said, "Now, just calm down and tell me what has you so excited!"

"Well, Father" the nun began, "I was just walking down the hall to the chapel, and I heard some of the older boys wagering money!"

"A serious infraction, indeed!" said the priest.

"But, that's not what has me so excited, father" replied the nun, "It was WHAT they were wagering ON! They had wagered on a contest to see who could urinate the highest on the wall!!"

"What an incredible wager!" exclaimed the priest, "What did you do?"

"Well, I hit the CEILING, father."

"How much did you win?"

2007-02-26 02:11:49 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time and she asked, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I?"

A little boy on the front row said, "You're a mother."

I was trying to get my seventh-grade history class to under- stand how the Indians must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish explorers.

"How would you feel," I asked, "if someone showed up on your doorstep who looked very different, spoke a strange language and wore unusual clothes? Wouldn't you be a bit scared?"

"Nah," one boy answered, "I'd just figure it was my sister's date."

2007-02-26 02:09:50 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. "The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared."



2. "Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant."



3. "I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my nob off."



4. "This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door."



5. "I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall."



6. "I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen."



7. "Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces."



8. "When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy."

2007-02-26 02:06:05 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

In a Maine restaurant:

"Open seven days a week and weekends."
On a long established

New Mexico dry cleaning store:

"Thirty-eight years on the same spot."
On a New York convalescent home:

"For the sick and tired of the Episcopal church"
In a funeral parlor:

"Ask about our layaway plan."
Outside a country shop:

"We buy junk and sell antiques."
In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store:

"15 men's wool suits - $100 -

They won't last an hour!"
In a laundry room:

"Do not put wet clothes in dryers,

as this can cause irreparable damage.
In a Florida maternity ward:

"No children allowed."
On a poster on a telephone pole in Oregon:

"Are you an adult that cannot read?

If so, we can help."
On a roller coaster:

"Watch your head"

2007-02-26 02:03:17 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me....they're cramming for their final exam.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

2007-02-26 01:59:21 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

BURRF BURRF WAGGA WING GOGLE WOGGLE WAGGLE PAAAAGA PAAAAGA CHURR MIIII MIIIII YONDOOO YONDOOOO WUSTEFUH WUSTEFUH BURFF BURRF YIP YIP POOOOP CURRF

2007-02-26 01:54:18 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

OKRA (Dec 22 - Jan 20)
Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okras have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies.


CHITLIN (Jan 21 - Feb 19)
Chitlins come from humble backgrounds. A chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he's motivated and has lots of seasoning. In dealing with Chitlins, be careful! They can erupt like Mount Vesuvius. Chitlins are best with Catfish andOkra.


BOLL WEEVIL (Feb 20 - Mar 20)
You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it.

2007-02-26 01:50:36 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

If you messed up your life, you could press
"Ctrl, Alt, Delete" and start all over!

To get your daily exercise, just click on "run"!

If you needed a break from life, click on suspend.

Hit "any key" to continue life when ready.

To get even with the neighbors, turn up the sound blaster.

To add/remove someone in your life,
click settings and control panel.

To improve your appearance,
just adjust the display settings.

If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.

When you loose your car keys, click on find.

"Help" with the chores is just a click away.

Auto insurance wouldn't be necessary.
You would use your diskette to recover from a crash.

And, we could click on "SEND NOW"
and a Pizza would be on it's way to YOU...

2007-02-26 01:46:48 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

it is a riddle or joke...please don`t answer nonesense..

2007-02-26 01:44:05 · 4 answers · asked by gaucha 3

...I must hold the television remote control in my hand while I watch TV. If the thing has been misplaced, I'll miss a whole show looking for it,

though one time I was able to survive by holding a calculator.



...when I lock my keys in the car, I will fiddle with a wire clothes hanger and ignore your suggestions that we call road service until long after hypothermia has set in. Oh, and when the car isn't running very well, I will pop the hood and stare at the engine as if I know what I'm looking at. If another guy shows up, one of us will say to the other, "I used to be able to fix these things, but now with all these computers and everything, I wouldn't know where to start."



...when I catch a cold I need someone to bring me soup and take care of me while I lie in bed and moan. You never get as sick as I do, so for you

this isn't an issue.

2007-02-26 01:43:18 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

She tried to drown it!

2007-02-26 01:41:39 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Put her in a circular room and tell her to sit in the corner!

2007-02-26 01:40:59 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous