Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant; first, he'd asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down because he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.



Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, walking back and forth and never once getting angry. So finally, a second customer asked why didn't they just throw out the pest.



"Oh I don't care." said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."

How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but it needs a spectacular twist at the end.

A lady placed an ad in the classifieds :



"Husband wanted."



The next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing:



"You can have mine."

2007-02-26 01:40:58 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

They don't know the route!

2007-02-26 01:40:12 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

it take to hard-boil four goose eggs?

2007-02-26 01:39:03 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Importance of Punctuation.
An english professor wrote the words ''a woman without her man is nothing'' on the board, and directed the students to punctuate it correctly.

The man in the class wrote,
''A woman, without her man, is nothing''.

The woman in the class wrote,
''A woman : without her , man is nothing''.

2007-02-26 01:36:39 · 7 answers · asked by Anshra 2

Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods to Grandma's house when she spied the big bad wolf up ahead, crouching behind a tree stump. "I see you big bad wolf, now get out of here" she cried, and off he went. Further on down the trail she spies the big bad wolf up ahead crouching down behind a small bush. "I see you big bad wolf, now get out of here" she cried, and off he went. Almost to Grandma's house when once again she spied the big bad wolf crouching behind a fallen log. "I see you big bad wolf" she cries, With that, the big bad wolf looks up with a disgusted look on his face and cries "dang it - can't anyone take a dump in peace and quiet!!!"

2007-02-26 01:34:12 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Cause you have to hollow out it's head!

2007-02-26 01:32:23 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Artificial intelligence

2007-02-26 01:29:10 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

She couldn't find the 10 key

2007-02-26 01:27:32 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

because she heard that the drinks were on the house

2007-02-26 01:26:30 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

A space invader.

2007-02-26 01:25:03 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Trade him in for a younger model

2007-02-26 01:22:07 · 14 answers · asked by Joanna C 2

A lonely old lady, aged 75, decided it was time to get married.
She put a want ad in the local paper that read, "HUSBAND WANTED. Must
be in my age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me, and must
still be good in bed! All applicants must apply in person."
On the second day of the ad she heard the doorbell ring. Much to her
dismay when she opened the door, there sat a man in a wheelchair. He
had no arms or legs.

She asked sarcastically, "You're not expecting me to consider you, are
you? Just look at you--- you have no legs!"
The old man smiled, "Therefore no chance to run around on you!"
"You have no arms either."
Again the old man smiled. "Nor can I beat you."
The old lady raised her eyebrows and gazed at him intensely. "Are you
still good in bed?" she asked.
The old man smirked and said, "I rang the doorbell didn't I?"


^_^

2007-02-26 01:08:03 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

my friend told me a joke but wouldn't explain why (or if) it is funny.
i dont understand it.

"two nuns in the shower. one says 'where's the soap?' the other one says 'yes, it does, doesn't it?'"

Is it funny? why??

2007-02-26 00:56:31 · 29 answers · asked by tainantsy 2

Superman is flying around the city and sees Wonder Woman laying spread eagle on a roof top.He circles around a few times and figures 'What the heck,this'll be fun"So he pulls down his tights and swoops down on top of her and smack!Right into the Invisible Man.

2007-02-26 00:51:59 · 11 answers · asked by Stomper69 5

He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire.

The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, "Let's go!" The tense man sitting in the pilot's seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically.

"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make several low-level passes." "Why?" asked the nervous pilot. "Because I'm going to take pictures!" yelled the photographer. "I'm a photographer, and photographers take pictures."

The pilot replied, "You mean you're not the flight instructor?


anygood

2007-02-26 00:36:25 · 8 answers · asked by conan 4

Tom and Clark were standing on the roof of their building drinking a few beers on their break and Clark said, "Hey Tom, did you know that if you jump off this building, after you get down so far, a draft will pull you back inside the building on the third floor?"

"Get outta here," said Clark.
No I'm serious, watch me."

Clark hopped off the building and sure enough, he was taken in by the draft at the third floor window. He took the elevator back to the top and Tom and a security guard that arrived were standing there, Tom in awe.

"I can't believe it." Said Tom.
I know you should try it Tom."
So Tom hopped off and plunged into the ground.

Superman you're an asshole when you're drunk." said the security guard

2007-02-26 00:32:10 · 6 answers · asked by conan 4

I told the person who asked me this question that I had heard of a group called Bread.

2007-02-26 00:23:55 · 2 answers · asked by aidmenot 2

A little girl asks her Mum, “Mum, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?” Her Mum replies, “No, because she is in heat.” "What does that mean?” asked the child. “Go and ask your father. I think he is in the garage.

”The little girl goes out to the garage and says, “Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mum, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come and ask you.” Dad said, “Bring Belle over here.” He took a rag, soaked it with petrol, and scrubbed the dog’s backside to disguise the scent, and said, “OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block.”


The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog. Surprised, Dad asked, “Where’s Belle?”
The little girl said, “She ran out of petrol about halfway round the block, so another dog is pushing her home.”

2007-02-26 00:18:42 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

An older couple were lying in bed one night.


The husband was falling asleep, but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said, "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."


Wearily, he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.


A few moments later, she said, "Then you used to kiss me."


Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.


Thirty seconds later she said, "Then you used to bite my neck."


Angrily, he threw back the covers and got out of bed.


"Where are you going?" she asked.


"To get my teeth!"

2007-02-26 00:18:10 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

1) Why is the fan always revolving?
2) What is snakes favourite subject?










Answers
1) Bcos it doesn't knows the address.
2) Hissssssss-tory

2007-02-26 00:03:16 · 20 answers · asked by moni krithika inom moni krithika 2

thats not a question isnt that a violation in its self cos its not an answer

2007-02-25 23:56:57 · 4 answers · asked by conan 4

The answer is NOT $1. A box of marbles costs $20. The marbles cost $19 more than the box. How much is the box???

2007-02-25 23:55:55 · 18 answers · asked by scratchpole 2

... For a romantic break. After chopping some wood, the man says "My hands are freezing" she says "Put them between my thighs to warm up"
After lunch he chops more wood and says "My hands are really freezing" so she says "Put them between my thighs and warm them up again"
After dinner he chops more wood and then says "My hands are really, really freezing" and then she yells "For F*^*$ sake! Don't your ears ever get cold...!!?"

xx

2007-02-25 23:55:33 · 20 answers · asked by *BURNY* 5

2007-02-25 23:42:58 · 11 answers · asked by Vivian Shannen j 1

in a stationery store, I quickly picked out a card for my wife for our anniversary. The clerk was surprised by how little time it took me, and she began relating a story about another customer who spent a half-hour searching for the right anniversary greeting.

Noticing the man lingering over one card after another, the clerk went to see if she could help. "Is there a problem?" she asked.

"Yes, there is," he replied ruefully. "I can't find one my wife will believe."

2007-02-25 23:39:15 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... this particular Sunday sermon while sitting in the front of the church.

"Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust..."

He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice,
"Mommy, what is butt dust?"

2007-02-25 23:31:16 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only." Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.

The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."

So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain." The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.

The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome." Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up.

They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."

They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.

On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome." The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left. Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor.

There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman."

2007-02-25 23:22:13 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

1 book?
2 film?
3 television show?
4 music album?
5 celebrity playmate?
6 cartoon show?
7 comic book hero?
8 countery western song?
9 comic strip?
10 haircut?

2007-02-25 23:11:15 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

I am not a king, I am not a queen
But most of you will bow when I'm seen
Currently I am resting on my side
But soon I will continue my stride
I can't walk, run, fly or crawl
Yet I am the greatest traveller of all

What Am I?

2007-02-25 23:11:00 · 8 answers · asked by misty friday 1

A man is driving on the highway when his wife calls him on his cell phone. "Honey, be carful. I heard on the news that there is a car on the road driving the wrong way." To this the man replies, "One? Theres millions of 'em!"

oops almost forgot rate this or is this funny ..now its a question ..unreal rule

2007-02-25 23:09:11 · 10 answers · asked by conan 4