Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

Im on my last hour of work today and Im soooooo boared help help ...jjejejejjeje Please anything !

2007-02-25 13:10:56 · 3 answers · asked by ::♥Breezeway♥:: 2

2007-02-25 13:09:49 · 3 answers · asked by Unshaken Faith 4

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota, which makes
the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you
tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and
she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the
Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the
door and begins to rant about the new employee. He
complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole
line is backing up, putting the entire production line
behind schedule.
The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for
himself, so the two men march down to the factory
floor.

When they get there the line is so backed up that
there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor
and they're really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by
mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.

She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of
small marbles. The two men watch in amazement as she
cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two
marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package
between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.

After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself
together and approaches Lena.

"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a
straight face, "but I think you misunderstood the
instructions I gave you yesterday..."
"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."

2007-02-25 13:08:00 · 6 answers · asked by kenmauiphoto 5

the elephant and the ant share a night of passion and the elephant dies the ant says I don't know I get one night of passion and a lifetime digging a grave

2007-02-25 13:03:37 · 16 answers · asked by friendofb 5

2007-02-25 12:52:47 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-25 12:49:51 · 17 answers · asked by friendofb 5

there wuz a blond who wuz driving her new black eclispe convertible.she wuz talking on the phone and didny notice how close she wuz to the car in front of her until it was to late.she hit the car!!!the driver of the other car came out and drew a circle on the road the yelled at her, "u!step into this circle and dont step out of it until i say so!okay!?" "yes"Once she stepped inside the man started breaking the doors down.the blond giggled"WUT IS IT?"said the man" "nothing"she replied.Next he started rippin of the steering wheel.she started laughing a bit louder"wut so funny the man repead "nothing...nothing"lastly he started rippin of the leather seets.the blond then flew in hysterics"WUT THE HELL IS IT?!" he demanded finally the blond said"i steped out of the circle 3 times when u wernt loking"

2007-02-25 12:41:21 · 16 answers · asked by Clarissa H 1

For all of us who are married, were married, wish
We were married, or wish we weren't married, this
Is something to smile about the next time you see a
Bottle of wine:
Sally was driving home from one of her business
Trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly
Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped
The car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like
A ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into
The car.
Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make
A bit of small talk with the Navajo woman. The old
Woman just sat silently, looking intently at
Everything she saw, studying every little detail,
Until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to
Sally.
"What in bag?" asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, "It's
A bottle of wine. I got it for my husband."
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or
Two.
Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder,
She said:
"Good trade."

2007-02-25 12:37:41 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

What common English word is 9 letters long, and each time you remove a letter from it, it still remains an English word from 9 letters all the way down to a single remaining letter?

*Note*: You do NOT have to give an/a example(s).
Good Luck!

2007-02-25 12:26:55 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned on a night light, turned the answering machine on the phone line, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.

They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house. The cat they had put out into the yard scoots back into the house.

They don't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit.

Waiting in the cab, the wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty for the night. She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon. "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," he says as they drive away. "Stupid b!tch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I hauled her fat axx downstairs and threw her out into the back yard!" The cabdriver hit a parked car...

2007-02-25 12:24:49 · 59 answers · asked by Tink 5

here it goes. how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? it is serious

2007-02-25 12:21:25 · 7 answers · asked by Kelz(: 2

hitler was the man of the year in Time magazine in 1938?

2007-02-25 12:21:19 · 6 answers · asked by random 2

A man walks into a bathroom and shoots himself between the eyes with a real shotgun and real bullets. Yet, he walks out alive. There was no blood and no wounds. How was this possible?

Hi! Ma and Pa told me that I'd better say that every two-letter word within this paragraph should have something in common.....or else!
What's the common factor here?

A man walks up to you and says "everything i say to you is a lie."
Is he telling the truth or is he lying and WHY?

There is a common englis word that is nine letters long. Each time you remove one letter from it. it still remains an english word-from nine letters, right domn to a single letter. What is the original word and what are the words that it becomes after removing one letter at a time?

Will lizzie carry flowers
Won't lovers revolt now?
He lived as a devil, eh?
Was it a bar or a bat i saw?

Which question doesn't belong?

The first one to get ALL of these correct, gets 10 points!
Have fun thinking!

2007-02-25 12:17:05 · 13 answers · asked by Ms* Shae* 3

Until I am measured, I am not known. Yet how you miss me, When I have flown.

2007-02-25 12:12:54 · 12 answers · asked by Clarissa H 1

What has 4 legs when it's born, then 2, then 3?And HOW?

2007-02-25 12:09:14 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

if i had a pair of fish id call them 1 and 2, because if one died id still have two

2007-02-25 12:07:21 · 26 answers · asked by andygames07 3

George Bush met The Queen, and he turns round and says: "As I'm the President, I'm thinking of changing how the country is referred to, and I'm thinking that it should be a Kingdom."

The Queen replies "I'm sorry Mr. Bush, but to be a Kingdom, you have to have a King in charge - and you're not a King."

George Bush thought a while and then said: "How about a Principality then?"

To which the Queen replied "Again, to be a Principality you have to be a Prince - and you're not a Prince, Mr. Bush".

Bush thought long and hard and came up with "How about an Empire then?"

The Queen, getting a little annoyed by now, replies "Sorry again, Mr. Bush, but to be an Empire you must have an Emperor in charge - and you are not an Emperor."

Before George Bush could utter another word, the Queen said: "I think you're doing quite nicely as a Country."

2007-02-25 12:01:51 · 24 answers · asked by Tink 5

A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer.

"I can't do that, officer."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube."

"Okay, we'll just get a urine sample down at the station."

"Can't do that either, officer."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm a diabetic. I could get low blood sugar if I pee in a cup."

"Alright, we could get a blood sample."

"Can't do that either, officer."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm a hemophiliac. If I give blood I could die."

"Fine then, just walk this white line."

"Can't do that either, officer."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm drunk."

2007-02-25 11:58:16 · 5 answers · asked by scotty 1

DADDY'S GONNA EAT YOUR FINGERS ..
>
> I was packing for my business trip and my three
year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on
the bed. At one point she said," Daddy, look at this",
and stuck out two of her fingers.
>
> Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out
and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said,
> "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers,"
> pretending to eat them.
>
> I went back to packing, looked up again and
> my daughter was standing on the bed staring
> at her fingers with a devastated look on her
face.
>
> I said,
> "What's wrong, honey?"
>
>
>
>
> She replied,
>
>
> "What happened to my booger?"

2007-02-25 11:55:39 · 17 answers · asked by spiritualcipher 3

What President can you type by only moving letter to letter? Example: You can move from E to R to T...but you couldn't move E to Q. No diagonals...so you can't go from D to V (You can go from D to C because they are touching). Which President can be spelled? Odd question I know but I noticed it the other day...

2007-02-25 11:54:11 · 10 answers · asked by fslcaptain737 4

Italian Cooking - by Lyn Gweenie
Everyone Hates Me - by Perry Noid
Oh, How I Hate Spiders- by Eric Nafobia

2007-02-25 11:47:17 · 17 answers · asked by Anne Teak 6

2007-02-25 11:42:01 · 21 answers · asked by Masonmpc 2

Once there was a polar bear couple who had a young cub. They were walking across the ice floes when the cub asked, "Am I really a polar bear?" His mother said, "Of course you are, why?" He said, "Never mind."
A little while later he asked again, "Am I really a polar bear?" His father said, "Yes - why are you asking?" He said, "Never mind." A little while later he asked again, "Am I really a polar bear?" Both parents turn around and ask him, Why do you keep asking if you are really a polar bear?" The cub answers, "Because I'm am really FREEZING out here!"

2007-02-25 11:38:22 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

It is warm, wet and so yummy. When you are done eating it your face looks like a glazed donut if you are messy. And it can make your hands and face all sticky. Man I could eat one right now! I am licking my lips just thinking about it.

First correct answer gets picked the best! Good luck.

2007-02-25 11:36:23 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

who can explain the best way to tie your shoes :)

2007-02-25 11:32:37 · 9 answers · asked by cocobunny 1

Do u think french people call french kissing regular kissing in france?

2007-02-25 11:29:56 · 21 answers · asked by Chris 1

And how does one go about cracking corn?

2007-02-25 11:20:31 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Mr. Johnson had been retired for a year when his wife of 50 years suggested they take a cruise: "We could go somewhere for a week, and make wild love like we did when we were young!" He thought it over and agreed.

He put on his hat and went down to the pharmacy, where he bought a bottle of seasick pills and a box of condoms. Upon returning home, his wife said, ''I've been thinking. There is no reason we can't go for a month." So, Mr. Johnson went back to the pharmacy and asked for 12 bottles of seasick pills and a box of condoms. When he returned his wife said, ''You know, since the children are on their own, what's stopping us from cruising the world?"

So back to the pharmacy he went, and brought 297 bottles of seasick pills and the same amount of condoms up to the counter. The pharmacist finally had to ask: "You know, Mr. Johnson, you have been doing business with me for over 30 years. I certainly don't mean to pry, but if it makes you that sick, why the hell do you do it?"

2007-02-25 11:16:30 · 17 answers · asked by Jay A 3

ever tried taking a rib away from a black man.

2007-02-25 11:14:09 · 8 answers · asked by kari r 1

Four guys were all at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.
The first guy slept with Daryl and came to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot.
They said, "Man, what happened to you?" He said, "Daryl snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."
The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing--hair all standing up, eyes all blood-shot. They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful!" He said, "Man, that Daryl shakes the roof. I watched him all night."
The third night was Bud's turn. Bud was a big burly ex-football player; a man's man. The next morning Bud came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. "Good morning," he said.
The others couldn't believe it! They said, "Man, what happened?"
He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Daryl into bed and kissed him good night. He sat up and watched ME all night long."

2007-02-25 11:14:02 · 11 answers · asked by yagman 7