Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

2007-02-25 09:51:17 · 12 answers · asked by SOJLO 3

A guy walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a gin and tonic.
The bartender sneers "you ain't frome round here are you boy?"
"Im from Pennysylvania" replies the guy
The bartender asks 'what do you do there?"
The guy repies "i'm a taxidermist"
The bartender laughs "what the hell is that boy?"
the guy looks at him and says "i mount dead animals"
the bartender relaxes and shouts to the rest of the bar "its ok boys, he's one of us!"

2007-02-25 09:48:23 · 15 answers · asked by Tink 5

2007-02-25 09:45:32 · 12 answers · asked by Goldom 4

what is the BEST joke/riddle that you have EVER heard? please leave answers.

2007-02-25 09:43:11 · 4 answers · asked by Take It Or Leave It [aka Kendra] 2

An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit.
"How many children?" asks the council worker.
"Ten" replies the Essex girl.
"Ten?" says the council worker. "What are their names?"
"Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, and Wayne"

"Doesn't that get confusing?"
"Naah..." says the Essex girl, "it's great because if they are out playing in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it..."

"What if you want to speak to one individually?" says the perturbed council worker.
"That's easy," says the Essex girl... "I just use their surnames"

2007-02-25 09:42:58 · 49 answers · asked by Tink 5

My uncle is a genius. He can find the answer to any riddle really easily. Does anybody have some very tricky riddles that take foever to find out. They haven to have resonable answers. Please help, I want to stump him and have him go "ooooooo" when he finds out the answer.

2007-02-25 09:41:20 · 4 answers · asked by tz 4

Offensive, inapprorpriate, and funny.

2007-02-25 09:37:18 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

She peeled off all her clothes, jumped into the bed and said, "Now
let me see what you black boys do best"!
He grabbed her purse and ran out the door.

2007-02-25 09:37:11 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two muffins are sitting in the oven, just hanging out and baking. The first muffin turns to the second muffin and says, "Man it's hot in here!". The second muffin looks back at the first muffin and says, "Holy cow a talking muffin!"

2007-02-25 09:35:38 · 9 answers · asked by hatevirtual 3

what dose pie equal

desmal and fraction

2007-02-25 09:34:19 · 13 answers · asked by makenzie j 1

When can you add two to eleven and get one as the correct answer?

2007-02-25 09:32:33 · 17 answers · asked by andygames07 3

who started the chain letter about the girl that fell in the sewer and comes back to haunt people?

2007-02-25 09:25:14 · 8 answers · asked by heathheath9173 1

Show her the Porsche and your law degree.

2007-02-25 09:19:35 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

there are 5 men in a bath house. 2 go in to the bath with books, 2 come go in alone and one goes in with a thermos. the next day, all 5 men were found murdered. how did they die?

2007-02-25 09:19:17 · 11 answers · asked by kkm 1

Maddie was always hungry, but she never dared to eat the apple on her teacher's desk, why not?

2007-02-25 09:16:53 · 28 answers · asked by Violina 2

A dream of a white wounded horse?
I dreamed of a white fat horse , with green eyes , staring at me , he was fat and sitting on the ground , but then I noticed it was wounded ( there was a war or something) people were running every where. but I didn't help him .Although it was wounded, but it seemed to me ok . any clues of the meaning of my dreams

2007-02-25 09:16:15 · 5 answers · asked by ♥ 2

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results:

Drink: Beer
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the buttocks.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows exactly what she wants.
Your Approach: You won't have to approach her,> if she is interested, she'll send YOU a drink.

Drink: Wine - (does not include White Zinfandel, see below)
Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends.

Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually has no clue.
Your approach: Make her feel smarter than she is.... this should be an easy target.

Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang with frat-boy pals and looking to get totally drunk...... and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed this evening. Nothing to do but wait. However, be careful not to make her mad!

Then there is the MALE addendum. The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut:

Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Wine: He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.

Whiskey: He doesn't give a hoot about anything but getting laid.

Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.

White Zinfandel: He's gay.

2007-02-25 09:16:04 · 1 answers · asked by Tink 5

and wherever it goes it leaves silver behind. What is it?

2007-02-25 09:09:54 · 5 answers · asked by Richard Serenity 4

2007-02-25 09:09:27 · 7 answers · asked by daddyugi 2

2007-02-25 09:08:43 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-25 09:04:12 · 20 answers · asked by Richard Serenity 4

2007-02-25 09:02:44 · 10 answers · asked by Richard Serenity 4

A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.

The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.

So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"

The boy said, "Yes she did."

"Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your mother explain that to you."

2007-02-25 09:01:22 · 31 answers · asked by Tink 5

I was walking on the street and passed by a blind man. It started to rain, so he put on a coat and drew his umbrella. If you listened carefully, I have already told you his first name. What is it?

2007-02-25 09:00:48 · 21 answers · asked by Ace 5

I have 3 goats and I can only milk two. what's wrong with the third one?

2007-02-25 08:58:49 · 37 answers · asked by Smile :) 4

What is it?

2007-02-25 08:57:49 · 5 answers · asked by Richard Serenity 4

I swear, if no one gets this right, then I'm gonna lose all hope for humanity.

2007-02-25 08:52:23 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

A dumb blonde woman in Kansas City was so depressed she decided to end her life by jumping in the river. She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid
water when a handsome sailor saw her on
the edge of the dock, crying. He said, "You have so much to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." He slipped his arm round her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy." The girl said yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps a fresh start in Europe would give her life new meaning. So the sailor hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, each night he brought her food, and they screwed until dawn. A week later she was found by the captain. "Who are you?" he asked. "I made a deal with one of your sailors,"I get I get a trip to Europe and he screws me". He sure is this is Harrah's Casino and we never leave Kansas City.

2007-02-25 08:50:02 · 6 answers · asked by Barry DaLive 5

The joke is that this blonde girl was getting in her car and she was driving and then all of a sudden this big tree poped up in front of her and she started swerving and then she was pulled over by the police and they said "What's the problem lady?" She says "This big tree was in front of me!" and the police officer says "Ma'm that's your air freshener".

2007-02-25 08:47:37 · 11 answers · asked by carlosdr 1

My boyfriend dosen't think it is and just wondered if other people do lol.

Her name is Ariana
She was only five
This is what happened
When she was alive

Her dad was a drunk
Her mom was an addict
Her parents kept her
Locked in an attic

Her only friend
was a little toy bear
It was old and worn out
And had patches of hair

She always talked to it
When no one's around
She lays there and hugs it
Not a peep of sound

Until her parents
unlock the door
Some more and more pain
She'll have to endure

A bruise on her leg
A scar on her face
Why would she be
In such a horrible place?

But she grabs her bear
And softly crys
She loves her parents
But they want her to die

She sits in the corner
Quiet but thinking,
"God, why? Why is
My life always sinking?"

Such a bad life
For a sad little kid
She'd get beaten and beaten
For anything she did

Then one night
Her mom came home high
The poor child was hit and slapped
As hours went by

Then her mom suddenly
Grabbed for a blade
It was sharp and pointy
One that she made

She thrusted the blade
Right in her chest,
"You deserve to die
You worthless pest!"

The mom walked out
Leaving the girl slowly dying
She grabbed her bear
And again started crying

Police showed up
At the small little house
They quickly barged in
Everything was as quiet as a mouse

One officer slowly
Opened a door
To find the sad little girl
Lying on the floor

It must have been bad
To go through so much harm
But at least she died
With her best friend in her arms

2007-02-25 08:43:25 · 27 answers · asked by sup. 4