Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

I had a dream the other night. I was in the old West riding in a stagecoach. Suddenly, a man riding a horse pulls up to the left side of the stagecoach, and a riderless horse pulls up on the right.

The man leans down, pulls open the door, and jumps off his horse into the stagecoach. Then he opens the door on the other side and jumps onto the other horse.

Just before he rode off, I yelled out,

"What was all that about?"

He replied,

"Nothing. It's just a stage I'm going through."

2007-02-25 05:55:39 · 26 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

A concert pianist played England once a year. The first yeat he took a woman fan to bed. The next year she was back but with a baby. They went to bed again. Next year he's back and she turns up with two children. And so it went on. Nine years and eight children later they meet and go to bed. As she leaves his hotel the pianist turned to his road manager. "I don't care what anyone says, I know that woman from somewhere."

2007-02-25 05:52:35 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

_______________a person

2007-02-25 05:52:21 · 21 answers · asked by Daughter of a Coma Guy 7

Okay...some prank help. I am trying to prank my sisters and i need some good online prank things. For example...the car commercial thing where it comes up and scares you. Things like that would be perfect to try and trick them with! Any specific websites with things like that...?? I would appreciate it sooo much!

The one that scares them most wins best answer!

2007-02-25 05:45:58 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

I need to know what thses things are called. Its an online thing, were someone famous says stuff, and you fill in the blanks to what they say, then you put in your friends number and it calls them automatically. Its like a prank. There was a "snakes on a plane" one that i did from the movie, but i lost it and forgot what they are called! Also, if you have any good ones tell me please!
thanks and yo will be rewarded trust me

2007-02-25 05:45:49 · 3 answers · asked by bfish 1

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when amaskedrobber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach

Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in place because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son.

All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears. "What's wrong?" asked the mother.

"I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out," replied the daughter.

The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago.

About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears."Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out."

Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.

A week later her son walked into the room in tears.

"It's okay" said the Mom, "I know whathappened. You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out.

2007-02-25 05:42:33 · 18 answers · asked by Jay A 3

What Y!A nick-name would u suggest when i come back as another user?
i think i have decided that i will go....i cant take chances this time....its very important for my future.......

what name would u be suggesting for me?
i'll keep it---your choices are the best!

2007-02-25 05:42:28 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Jeff and Mary have a code for sex which is " washing machene " that night they are lying in bed when Jeff say's to his wife washing machene
Mary says " sorry hun im to tierd "
as the night goes on she starts to feel guilty and turns to Jeff and wispers " washing machene "
Jeff replys " it's ok it was only a small load so i did it by hand!

2007-02-25 05:41:42 · 27 answers · asked by red devil 3

3.141592653589793238462643383279502884197169399375105820974944592307816406286208998628034825342117067982148086513282306647093844609550582231725359408128481117450284102701938521105559644622948954930381964428810975665933446128475648233786783165271201909145648566923460348610454326648213393607260249141273724587006606315588174881520920962829254091715364367892590360011330530548820466521384146951941511609433057270365759591953092186117381932611793105118548074462379962749567351885_LOOKATMYFACEANDILIKECOCK_75272489122793818301194912983367336244065664308602139494639522473719070217986094370277053921717629317675238467481846766940513200056812714526356082778577134275778960917363717872146844090122495343014654958537105079227968925892354201995611212902196086403441815981362977477130996051870721134999999837297804995105973173281609631859502445945534690830264252230825334468503526193118817101000313783875288658753320838142061717766914730359825349042875546873115956286388235378759375195778185778

2007-02-25 05:41:04 · 9 answers · asked by bob f 1

clever one or silly one ?

2007-02-25 05:40:10 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-25 05:35:29 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-25 05:22:29 · 8 answers · asked by sw9 soldier 1

the first person that answers this riddle correctly, I will name as best answer:

Why did piglet look in the toilet?

2007-02-25 05:22:12 · 9 answers · asked by :D 2

I save you a lot of time. I sometimes handle your money. I am good at math. Who or what am I?

2007-02-25 05:18:11 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

hi people,
i am getting distracted a lot by this internet and my exams are commencing soon. i think the way out for me now is quite ultimate.
i am closing my account now.
finally,....i wanna say that i will miss u all....goodbye!
i really cant seem to find another way out!

should i do that?........i cant find any other way....
so,.....i wanna say good-bye.........
i'll miss u all SO much.....this was a very loved category of mine

2007-02-25 05:17:46 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, "what's the matter?"
The fellow replies, "well I've got these two horses (sniff,sniff), and well... I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods."
The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy, tries to think of somthing he can do. "Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?"
The man stops crying and says, "that sounds like a good idea, I think I'll try it."
A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before. "What's the matter now?" the bartender asks.
The fellow, in no condition to be in public, answers, "I shaved the tail of one of the horses (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can't tell them apart again!"
The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, "why don't you try shaving the mane, maybe that will not grow back."
The fellow stops crying, has a few drinks, and leaves. A few months later the fellow is back in the bar. The bartender has never seen anybody in this sorry of a state. Without the bartender even asking the fellow breaks into his problems. "I.. I shaved the (sob) mane of one of the (sniff) horses, and... it... it... grew back!"
The bartenter, now furious at the guy's general stupidity, yells, "for crying out loud, just measure the stupid horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller that the other one!" The fellow can not believe what the bartender has said and storms out of the bar.
The next day the fellow comes running back into the bar as if he had just won the lottery. "It worked, it worked!" he exclaims. "I measured the horses and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!"

2007-02-25 05:16:07 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

A doctor and a bus driver are both in love with the same woman, an attractive girl named Sarah. The bus driver had to go on a long bustrip that would last a week. Before he left, he gave Sarah seven apples. Why?

2007-02-25 05:15:49 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

I was asked to read this out loud. When i finealy realized what I said, I laughed till I almost peed my pants. Hope you try this on someone too

2007-02-25 05:15:22 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to
be eight again." she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Coco Pops, and then took her off to the local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, every thing there was. Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. Right away, they journeyed to a McDonald's where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to the movies: the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, all the Coke she could drink, and her favorite lolly and M&M's. What a fabulous adventure! Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, Well, Dear, what was it like being eight again?" Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed. "I meant my dress size!!!!!!!

The moral of the story: Even when a man is listening, he's gonna get
it wrong.

2007-02-25 05:11:47 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous

I need a brain teaser that is really hard and I need the answer too.

2007-02-25 05:11:06 · 13 answers · asked by anonymous 2

Yo momma so old she knew burger king when he was a prince
Yo momma so old she has an autographed bible
Yo momma old she knew the dead ocean when it was sick
Yo mama's so old, her memory is in black and white.
Yo mama's so old, I told her to act her age and the ***** died
Yo mama's so old, she has all the apostles in her black book.
Yo mama's so old, she used to baby-sit Yoda.
Yo momma so old that when she was in school there was no history class

2007-02-25 05:09:30 · 5 answers · asked by JEFF HARDY #1 FAN 3

Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change.

Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust.

Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of dollar bills and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile.

The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the other passengers. Frank is outraged by his friend's act of generosity.

"What on earth did you do that for?" shouts Frank. "You know he's only going to use it on drugs or booze!!!"

Matt replies, "What...and we weren't?"

2007-02-25 05:09:11 · 13 answers · asked by Eye of the Beholder 4

Nothing that can save you be creative. No phones or computers...

2007-02-25 05:07:28 · 25 answers · asked by Frank G 1

I am spent yet I cannot be refunded. I can be wasted but you cannot get me back. You learn to tell me. What am I?

2007-02-25 05:07:05 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

http://bp0.blogger.com/_s_gOPSYPuns/ReG5lDslvdI/AAAAAAAAAJc/fy3hcPputZc/s1600-h/Copy+of+Nishaa.JPG

Hints:
---------
- American actress who is considered by many as the best around these days.
- She has won an Oscar award also.
- She's simply beautiful ;-)

2007-02-25 05:03:18 · 7 answers · asked by Dreams 1

This is a story i got from the book Scary Storys To Tell In The Dark .Most of the storys are scary execpt in the last chapter called
AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! And the first chapter is also called AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Weird isn't it:

Once There was a man who lived in a house in the woods
The man was all alone in his house exept for his dog max.
Well every day the man went out to check his hunting
traps,leaving Max at home to guard the house.Well
one day The man came home and max wasn't
there.So the man called for him.Max didn't come.
So the man went inside and went to bed.Well a few
days later the man heard something in the attic.
He grabbed his gun and headed toward the stairs
Then he said "I better be quiet about this" and
he took off his shoes.He walked slowly up to
the attic and once he got there
"AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
(now the reader of the story pauses and someone usually says"
why did he scream" then the story teller says youd scream

2007-02-25 04:59:30 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Yo mama's so ugly, her pillow cries at night.
Yo mama's so ugly, her shadow quit.
Yo mama's so ugly, her shadow ran away from her.
Yo mama's so ugly, she makes blind children cry.
Yo mama's so ugly, she makes onions cry.
Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.
Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."
Yo mama so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.
Yo mama so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower
Yo mama so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.
Yo mama so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck

2007-02-25 04:51:05 · 7 answers · asked by JEFF HARDY #1 FAN 3

Yo momma’s so stupid, she makes blondes look smart.
Yo momma’s so stupid I told her I was going to get her Tommy HILL figure and she told me she already tried to lose weight.
Yo momma's so stupid, that she got fired from the M&M factory for throwing away all the W's.
Yo momma’s so stupid she called the cocaine hotline to order some.
Yo momma's so stupid, she asked you "What is the number for 911?"
Yo mama's so stupid that under "Education" on her job application, she put "Hooked on Phonics."
Yo mama's so stupid, on her job application where it says emergency contact she put 911.
Yo mama's so stupid, she sold the car for gas money.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Johnny Cash is a pay toilet!
Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Taco Bell is a Mexican Phone Company.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thinks Tiger Woods is a forest.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thought a lawsuit was something you wear to court.
Yo mama's so stupid, she thought a quarterback was a refund.

2007-02-25 04:46:14 · 5 answers · asked by JEFF HARDY #1 FAN 3

i turn polar bears white
and I will make you cry.
I make guys have to pee
and girls comb their hair.
I make celebrities look stupid
and normal people look like celebrities.
I turn pancakes brown
and make your champane bubble.
If you sqeeze me, I'll pop.
If you look at me, you'll pop.
Can you guess the riddle?

2007-02-25 04:42:12 · 12 answers · asked by babyleo91_09 2

Not Dora, Diego, an athelete, stool, sock....What am I?
Asked this before...but no correct answer.

Hint: the answer is an occupation.

2007-02-25 04:32:55 · 5 answers · asked by skygirly62 2