Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

yr grandmother
on the clothes line ya sick puppy!!

2007-02-24 22:23:47 · 4 answers · asked by buddybottle_australia 2

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.

2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.

3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your
Pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.


4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.

5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008
Into a calculator


6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.

7) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have
A fire in your back garden.

8) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.

9) You never know where to look when eating a banana.

10) Rummaging in an overgrow garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.

11) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.

12) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call
Your teacher mum or dad.

13) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a pee, flushed half way
Through and then raced against the flush.

14) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.

15) You never ever run out of salt.

16) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've
Got your hand or head stuck in something.

17) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.

18) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had
Their arm broken by a swan.

19) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping
On an upturned plug.

20) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.

21) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of
Wood specifically to stir paint with.

22) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose

2007-02-24 22:17:51 · 4 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

2007-02-24 21:54:39 · 5 answers · asked by conan 4

1)complete-
the ghost screamed b cause.............................................

2007-02-24 21:44:19 · 15 answers · asked by Ana C 3

A chicken and an egg are lying next to each other in bed. The chicken is smoking a cigarette and the egg is looking annoyed. The egg looks at the chicken and says; "well i guess we know the answer to THAT question"

2007-02-24 21:23:33 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous

A drunk is driving down da street & hears on da radio a special bulliten that there is a drunk madman driving on da wrong side of da street! He calls da station & tells 'em, " no it isn't one, there's 'bout 20 of 'em coming right at me!!

2007-02-24 21:12:27 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

1.An orchard has1/3 apple trees, 1/4 pear trees and 30 cherry trees.How many trees al2getha?

2.An uncle left $2400 to 3 children, Joan, Jack and Jennifer. Joan received 1/7 more than Jack, and Jack received 1/6 more than Jennifer.There was exactly $200 difference between each child.How much did Jennifer receive?


3.A kind of play or a series of scenes is a (review,revue)________
4.A mineral made of silica is [quartz,quarts]_________
5.The [principle,principal] city of Egypt is Cairo.


The odd 1 out-
6.meteor, star, space, comet________
7.deacon, lawyer, vicar, pastor_________


Find the hidden fruit in this sentence:
8.The Italian, Beppo, ran Germany ragged in the soccer international.

2007-02-24 21:10:34 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

If yes what did you tell them

2007-02-24 21:07:28 · 14 answers · asked by Aracely 4

All men are animals!
...but some make better pets!

2007-02-24 21:04:26 · 11 answers · asked by Lori 4

2007-02-24 21:03:17 · 39 answers · asked by Anonymous

a man is walking along and decides he wants a drink, The only bar he can find is a gay bar, so he goes in and orders a drink.
bartender says; sorry can't serve you unless you tell me the name of your pxxxx.
man: just let me have a drink please!
bartender: no can do
man: well then tell me the name of your xxxxx...
bartender: "Nike"you know like "Just Do It"
the man thinks about it then says the name of my xxxxx
is "Secret" you know "Strong enough for a man but made for a woman"

2007-02-24 20:54:10 · 13 answers · asked by amp 2

a lion is drinking at a river bank when a gorrilla sneaks up behind him, rapes him, pushes him in the river and runs away. as he's running away he sees a man sat fishing, sits next to him puts on the mans hat and grabs his newspaper and acts human. a minute later along comes the very wet and very angry lion and says "any of you chaps seen a gorrilla around here?" gorrilla says: "what, you mean the gorrilla that raped the lion" "oh no," says the lion "it's not in the paper already"

2007-02-24 20:50:50 · 5 answers · asked by i_dont_know_what_the_plot_is 1

Good morning everybody hope ye all have a nice day skycat!!!!!!!

2007-02-24 20:47:44 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

da more i miss da meaner i get

2007-02-24 20:47:14 · 3 answers · asked by conan 4

Why do cowboys make sorry lovers?

They think 8 seconds is a good ride!

2007-02-24 20:39:19 · 6 answers · asked by Lori 4

A gang of criminals targeted a bank to rob in the dead of night. Once inside the building , they quickly disabled the internal alarm s\system and got down to work. The robber were expecting one or two huge safes filled with cash and valuables, but were pleasanty suprised to find instead hundreds of smaller safes scattered around the bank. The first safe's combination was cracked, but inside the robbers found only vanilla pudding. "never mind," they thought, "at least there's something for us to eat while we open all the other safes."
The second safe also contained nothing but vanilla pudding, and it was the same with every other safe in the building. There was not a dollar, not a diamond, not an ounce of gold. Every safe contained little pots of vanilla pudding. Dissapointed, the gang eventually exited quietly, leaving with nothing more than queasy, full stomachs.
The following morning a St John's newspaper headline read: " Newfoundland's Largest Sperm bank robbed."

2007-02-24 20:38:35 · 10 answers · asked by Baptized Disciple 5

somoene told me this ok. this catholic church is having a rummage sale to raise money for chairty . there are 2 nuns, sister mary and sister francis. they hop on thier bikes to ride into town to get supplies for the rummage sale. Sister mary starts to giggle!! sister francis says " SISTER MARY!!! STOP GIGGLING" sister mary giggles again " SISTER MARY I SAID STOP GIGGLING". ignoring sister frances, sister mary lets out yet antoher giggle, then sister mary exclaims " SISTER MARY QUIT GIGGLING OR IM GOING TO PUT THE SEAT BACK ON ! "

2007-02-24 20:31:28 · 12 answers · asked by lady26 5

Hahahaha This is for fun guys.

2007-02-24 20:27:56 · 3 answers · asked by הפיליפינים 2

what would you do and why ??

2007-02-24 19:58:28 · 18 answers · asked by M.O. 5

2007-02-24 19:58:22 · 6 answers · asked by Henry IX 1

And did you know your neck size is half your waist size?

2007-02-24 19:44:42 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

In the dictionary there are only 3 words which end with 'gry'. 1st is angry, 2nd is hungry, what is the third?

2007-02-24 19:33:05 · 17 answers · asked by Ria 2

Stages that identify you're getting old:-

STAGE 1 You forget names.
STAGE 2 You forget faces.
STAGE 3 You forget to pull your zipper up.
STAGE 4 You forget to pull your zipper down!

I think I'm somewhere between stage 2 and 3. How about you?

2007-02-24 19:12:39 · 30 answers · asked by brainyandy 6

that everyone usually forgets...?

2007-02-24 18:54:17 · 35 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-24 18:40:09 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-24 18:34:37 · 3 answers · asked by jobees 6

2007-02-24 18:10:08 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-24 18:09:40 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

There was a poor in math mother. She left five (5) apples on the table. There was five (5) boys came and each took one. Why there was one (1) apple left on the table?

2007-02-24 18:07:12 · 6 answers · asked by james 2

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, observing his wife turning back and forth, looking at herself in the mirror. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she'd like to have for her Birthday. I'd like to be six again, she replied, still looking in the mirror. On the morning of her Birthday, he arose early, made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms, and then took her to Six Flags theme park.



What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide,

the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything

there was. Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park.

Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald's where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M's.

2007-02-24 18:02:20 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous