Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

2007-02-24 13:15:07 · 13 answers · asked by Jan 2

Two drunks stumble out the bar and see a dog licking his privates. One says "Wish I could do that." His friend says "Why don't you try--he looks friendly."

2007-02-24 13:14:48 · 8 answers · asked by the shadow knows 3

i wanna kno tha name of a song that says i thought i took 1 step forward , i took 2 steps back ; he keeps talkin about he dun want her number he wants to get to kno her . its for sure a r&b artist . its not the cha cha slide or 1 2 step

2007-02-24 13:11:04 · 4 answers · asked by MARi 1

When her husband died, she had affairs with over a hundred men. At her own funeral someone read the gravestone's inscription. 'Together at last' "That's nice, she's still being buried next to her husband" A mourner who knew her said "No- that refers to her legs."

2007-02-24 13:09:43 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

You need me, and you don't want to break me because then i'm not usefull. I come in many sizes and I can be pretty annoying. I won't hang around after I get adjusted.

2007-02-24 13:00:33 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous

Statistics say that one in three people are mentally ill. Ask two of your mates, If they are ok, then you are, the one..lol.

Asked two , and yes it's me..lol.

Oh by the way this is jokes and riddles,, lifes to short to take this serious. funny huh.

2007-02-24 12:55:57 · 3 answers · asked by raybbies 5

betta be funny

2007-02-24 12:53:04 · 14 answers · asked by wamzy 2

2007-02-24 12:52:00 · 4 answers · asked by katiewilliams5 1

The governor of the prison had called in Prisoner No. 3345678. "I'm on to you 78" the Governor said. "A couple on months ago, you had your appendix out. Then it was a couple of teeth. Last week it was your tonsils. Now you think your gall bladder should be removed. Don't try to kid a kidder, 78- You are trying to escape bit by bit.

2007-02-24 12:50:37 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Who makes it has no need for it.
Who buys it, has no use for it.
Who uses it can neither see nor feel it.

What is it?

2007-02-24 12:50:03 · 18 answers · asked by pollywollydoda 3

Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?"

"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!"

Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says.

"President Clinton," his boss quickly retorts.

"Yes," Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Washington."
And off they go. At the White House, Clinton spots Bubb on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up."

Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else.

"The Pope," his boss replies.

"Sure!" says Bubba.

"My folks are from Poland, and I've known the Pope a long time."

So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Working his way to his boss' side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?"

His boss looks up and says, "I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony and the man next to me said, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"

2007-02-24 12:47:50 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

I'll reveal the awnser in 1 hr if no one guesses

2007-02-24 12:36:48 · 12 answers · asked by ::♥Breezeway♥:: 2

It is obvious that animals are smarter than humans. Put 8 horses in a race and 20,000 people will go along to see it and bet. But put 8 poeple in a race, and not one horse will bother to go along and watch.

2007-02-24 12:33:38 · 19 answers · asked by raybbies 5

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a
phone call I'd forgotten to make.
I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying "Hello?"
I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak
with Robyn Carter?"
Suddenly, a manic voice yelled out in my ear, "Get the
right freakin' number!" and the phone was slammed down
on me.
I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call
her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the
last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to call the
'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're
an idiot!" and hung up.
I wrote his number down with the word "idiot'" next to
it, and put it in my desk drawer.
Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had
a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, " You're
an "idiot!”
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my
therapeutic "idiot" calling would have to stop.
So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John
Smith from the Telephone Company; I'm calling to see
if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"
He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said, "That's because
you're an "idiot."
One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into
a parking spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the
spot I had patiently waited for; I hit the horn and
yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the
idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his
back window, so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the first
idiot (by this time I had his number on speed dial), I
thought that I'd better call the BMW idiot, too. I
said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"
"Yes, it is", he said.
"Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.
"Yes, I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, in Vaucluse. It's a
yellow house, and the car's parked right out in
front."
"What's your name?" I asked.
"My name is Don Hansen," he said
"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
"I'm home every evening after five."
"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"
"Yes?"
"Don, you're an "idiot!" Then I hung up, and added his
number to my speed
dial, too.
Now, when I had a problem, I had two idiots to call.
Then I came up with an idea.
I called Idiot #1. "Hello." "You're an idiot!" (But I
didn't hang up.)
"Are you still there?" he asked.
"Yeah," I said.
"Stop calling me," he screamed.
"Make me," I said.
"Who are you?" he asked.
"My name is Don Hansen."
"Yeah? Where do you live?"
"I live at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, a yellow house,
with my black Beamer parked in front."
He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don.
And you had better start saying your prayers."
I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared," and hung up.
Then I called Idiot>>#2.
"Hello?" he said.
"Hello, Idiot," I said.
He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
"You'll what?" I said.
"I'll kick your butt," he exclaimed.
I answered, "Well, Idiot, here's your chance. I'm
coming over right now."
Then I hung up and immediately called the police,
saying that I lived at 34 Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse, and
that I was on my way home to kill my gay lover.
Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going
down in Mowbray Blvd, Vaucluse.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Mowbray.
I got there just in time to watch two idiots beating
the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars,
an overhead police helicopter and a news crew.
NOW I feel much better.

2007-02-24 12:20:14 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Hard of Hearing Genie Joke

OK, so a man walks into a bar with a large box, the bar tender goes up to him and asks "whats in the box".



The man says "I'll show ya' if you get me a beer."



So of course the bar tender gets the man a beer, the man drinks it, and he pulls out a little foot tall man and he pulls out a little piano. The little man starts playing the piano!



Next the bar tender asks "hey! thats prety cool, where did ya' get that?"



The man says" I'll tell ya' if you get me another beer." So the bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and he says "I got it from a geenie and a lamp"



The bar tender says "If ya' let me barrow that geenie and that lamp I'll give ya' another beer."



The man says "Oh, Okay!"



The bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and the man gives the bar tender the lamp.



The bar tender rubs the lamp and the geenie pops out!



The geenie says "Master, I grant you one wish, what is it?"



The bar tender says "I wish for a million bucks!!!" And all of a sudden a million ducks start flying into the room. "What the heck is this!!! I wished for a million bucks not a million ducks!!!"



And the man says "Well did you think I wished for a 12 inched pianist!"

2007-02-24 12:13:22 · 18 answers · asked by raybbies 5

ho-de-do, ho-de-do!!????? do u know the answer??

2007-02-24 12:11:08 · 25 answers · asked by xoxo 6

Red and Black


What goes into the water red and comes out black?

2007-02-24 12:04:23 · 14 answers · asked by XmcrXluverX 1

2007-02-24 12:02:02 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

tell me some ideas of what you think is indoor golf. i will put the answer on in a few days. first one to get it right gets 10 points.

2007-02-24 11:57:41 · 5 answers · asked by vannilabean 2

One night at a local bar frequented by a bunch of deer hunters who were waiting for the opening day of deer season, the local sheriff scoped out the joint for possible drunk drivers.

As he waited, eventually a patron stumbled out of the bar, fumbled for his keys, tried them in three different cars until he finally found his, got inside and rested his head on the steering wheel. The deputy knew he had his drunk driver, so now all he had to do was wait for him to start his engine and pull out of the lot.

A few hours passed by and most of the other deer hunters had left by then, when the patron abruptly lifted his head, cranked the car up and drove out of the lot like a bat out of hell. The deputy followed him and stopped him promptly. He administered the breath-o-lizer test and it read 0.00.

Confused, the deputy asked the driver what the hell was going on. The driver looked at him innocently and said, "Well, tonight I'm the designated decoy."

2007-02-24 11:56:01 · 10 answers · asked by raybbies 5

uk only

2007-02-24 11:52:28 · 9 answers · asked by LOL!!! 3

The judge said he could not divorce somebody because they have protruding teeth.
Mickey said that he wasn't that she had protruding teeth, it was because she was fuck1ng Goofy

2007-02-24 11:52:09 · 9 answers · asked by lulu 6

guess i do have a beautiful mind.

2007-02-24 11:51:46 · 5 answers · asked by lininha 2

2007-02-24 11:51:29 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

One day Mickey Mouse woke up and Minnie wasn't there. He went to look for her and, as he stepped outside, he saw “Mickey sucks” written in a yellow liquid in the snow. He investigated and realized there was good news and bad news: it was Goofy's urine, but Minnie's handwriting.

2007-02-24 11:46:48 · 24 answers · asked by halle l 2

the person with the best will get five stars and best answer..

2007-02-24 11:44:18 · 3 answers · asked by lil_kiddy_94 1

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the
stomach. Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave
birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son.
All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into
the room in tears.
'What's wrong?' asked the mother. 'I was taking a tinkle and
this bullet came out,' replied the daughter.
The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16
years ago.
About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in
tears. 'Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this
bullet came out.'
Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened16 years ago.
A week later her son walked into the room in tears.
'It's okay' said the Mom, 'I know what happened. You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out.'

'No,' said the boy, 'I was playing with myself and I shot the dog!"

2007-02-24 11:39:59 · 14 answers · asked by raybbies 5

http://www.starterupsteve.com/flash/html/jingle_bells_reversed.shtml

2007-02-24 11:35:29 · 16 answers · asked by babycakes_rocks 3

2007-02-24 11:12:08 · 13 answers · asked by no1 1

i was______when i ________ the_______

2007-02-24 11:09:49 · 12 answers · asked by seth 2