Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

2007-02-24 07:26:54 · 10 answers · asked by Morbiddoll 2

2007-02-24 07:23:14 · 5 answers · asked by tdc7706 1

WHat do add at the end of sentences:

to make it sound dirty
to make it a fact
to make it sound hot


if you have any sentence endings, plz share!!!!!

after ten peopls respond ill post the answers!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2007-02-24 07:08:52 · 3 answers · asked by ?s @ Y! Answers 3

2007-02-24 07:05:54 · 6 answers · asked by tbmcmillian 2

Forever Together


What fastens two people yet touches only one?

2007-02-24 07:03:36 · 11 answers · asked by XmcrXluverX 1

or without started :)

2007-02-24 07:02:15 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby! Look at the two beautiful daughters I father! Have you been fooling around behind my back?"

The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"

2007-02-24 07:01:20 · 13 answers · asked by hazelshine 4

The only best friend i have is not only deaf and dumb but also as blind as bat. Now am on my way to my friend house to relete the sad story of the sudden death of his mother. How would i break this story for my friend to understand?

2007-02-24 07:01:01 · 37 answers · asked by alao a 1

2007-02-24 06:56:20 · 10 answers · asked by barbara g 1

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.
A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service
charges on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00! A family member placed a call to Citibank:
Family Member: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."
Bank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."
Bank: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."
Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"
Bank: "Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"
Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"
Bank: "Excuse me?"
Family Member: "Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?"
Bank: "Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor."
Supervisor gets on the phone:
Family Member: "I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."
Bank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."
Family Member: "You mean you want to collect from her estate?"
Bank: (Stammer) "Are you her lawyer?"
Family Member: "No, I'm her great nephew. " (Lawyer info given)
Bank: "Could you fax us a certificate of death?"
Family Member: "Sure." (fax number is given)
After they get the fax:
Bank: "Our system just isn't set-up for death. I don't know what more I can do to help."
Family Member: "Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care."
Bank: "Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."
Family Member: "Would you like her new billing address?"
Bank: "That might help."
Family Member: " Odessa Memorial Cemetery , Highway 129, Plot Number 69."
Bank: "Sir, that's a cemetery!" !
Family Member: "Well.......What do you do with dead people on your planet?"

2007-02-24 06:54:42 · 7 answers · asked by mo the man 2

We all have stupid jokes that we find funny but are too embarresed to tell! So i'll tell mine and maybe you'll share a couple of yours! :)
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
Your so ugly you made Mr. clean throw up!
Your so fat when you step on the scale it said, Please Step out of the vehicle!
Your so ugly, when you threw a booma a rang, it did't come back!
So there are my jokes that I'm ashamed of, but laugh at! What are yours?

2007-02-24 06:51:42 · 17 answers · asked by none 2

What am I??

Since I have asked this riddle 2 other times and still not got a correct answer,...I'm asking again.

HINT: I'm not a cartoon character, I'm not a ball player.
What am I?
Good luck guessing!

2007-02-24 06:45:44 · 2 answers · asked by skygirly62 2

Incognito!
Who spends the day at the window, goes to the table for meals and hides at night? (this is kinda stupid..don't over-think it)

2007-02-24 06:45:16 · 9 answers · asked by XmcrXluverX 1

I am found on every payground.
I am found in every office building
I am long... but also short
FAt but sometimes skinny
I make dogs bark
And fat people cry
You can place a bet on me
I have more numbers than a phone book
I am lighter than a feather... but i have enough strength to kill a black bear..
Colleges despise me and preschoolers love me...



idk if the first part is payground or playground

2007-02-24 06:42:00 · 9 answers · asked by scotch 1

There's a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of them are Bush supporters.
Not really knowing what a Bush supporter is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy--Johnny.

The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says, "I'm not a Bush supporter."

The teacher says, "Why aren't you a Bush supporter?"

Johnny says, "I'm a John F. Kerry supporter." The teacher asks why he's a Kerry supporter. The boy says, "Well, my mom's a Kerry supporter, and my Dad's a Kerry supporter, so I'm a Kerry supporter!"

The teacher is kind of angry, because this is Texas, so she says, "What if you're Mom was a moron, and you're dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"

Johnny says, "That would make me a Bush supporter."

2007-02-24 06:41:50 · 12 answers · asked by chris c 3

> Engineers Patrick and Seamus ( Dublin mechanical engineers) were
>standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.
>
> A blonde woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
>
> We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Patrick
"but we
> don't have a ladder."
>
> The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and
>laid the
> pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a
>measurement, announced, "5 metres," and walked away.
>
> Seamus shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a blonde!
>
> We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"

2007-02-24 06:37:05 · 7 answers · asked by mo the man 2

A women was in bed with her lover when she heard her Husband opening the front door.

"Hurry," she said, "stand in the corner."

She rubbed baby oil all over him,then dusted him with talcum powder.

"Don't move until I tell you," she said. "Pretend you're a statue."

"What's this?" the husband inquired as he entered the room.

"Oh it's a statue!" she replied."The Smith's bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too."

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.

"Here," he said to the statue, "have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith's and nobody offered me a damned thing!"

2007-02-24 06:36:32 · 14 answers · asked by hazelshine 4

The president is receiving his daily briefing.It concludes by saying, "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident."

"OH DEAR GOD NO," Bush exclaims. "That's terrible!!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sits, head in hands. Finally, the President, devastated, looks up and asks, "How many is a Brazillion.




President Bush is rehearsing his speech for the Beijing 2008 Olympic Games. He begins his remarks with "Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! Ooo! Ooo!"
Immediately his speech writer rushes over to the lectern and whispers in the President's ear: "Mr President, those are the Olympic rings.
Your speech is underneath

2007-02-24 06:36:04 · 14 answers · asked by postypaul 3

Ok! There a Blonde girl, Brunette, and red head. They are all lined up and about to be shot! So the general asks," Do you have any last words?" The brunette says," Look a tital wave!" Everyone looks and she escapes! So the red says," Look a eclispe!!! So everyone looks up and she as well escapes! So the blonde steps up and points and says," Fire!!!!!!!!!" So they killed her! :)

2007-02-24 06:35:25 · 12 answers · asked by none 2

That took a pencil into the toilet with him?



He wanted to work it out.

2007-02-24 06:31:35 · 3 answers · asked by florrie f 3

2007-02-24 06:28:41 · 3 answers · asked by vega_fusion 2

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes

What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this s....t"

Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

2007-02-24 06:25:42 · 5 answers · asked by mo the man 2

A blonde quickly went out to her mail box, looked in it, closed the door of the box, and went back in the house. A few minutes later she repeated this process by checking her mail again.

She did this five more times, and her neighbor that was watching her commented: "You must be expecting a very important letter today the way you keep looking into that mail box."

The blonde answered, "No, I am working on my computer, and it keeps telling me that I have mail."

2007-02-24 06:24:54 · 14 answers · asked by seth 2

u cant guess all of the teams at once

2007-02-24 06:20:01 · 15 answers · asked by seth 2

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa, taking her poodle along for company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a hungry-looking leopard heading rapidly in his direction.

The poodle thinks, "Oh, oh!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back so you can watch me chew that poodle to bits!"

Now, the poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and waits until they get just close enough to hear.

"Where's that damn monkey?" the poodle says, "I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"

2007-02-24 06:16:45 · 18 answers · asked by Cowboy 4

who ever gets it right gets 10 pts

2007-02-24 06:12:46 · 5 answers · asked by seth 2

A man coming home to his wife 3am in the morning blind drunk, smelling of cheap perfume.

He walkis into the bedroom, sits on the bed, slaps her on the bum and says "Wake up lardy-bum. Your next!!!!"

2007-02-24 06:06:05 · 16 answers · asked by David 5

this is a riddle

2007-02-24 06:05:38 · 15 answers · asked by barbara g 1

Once a blonde went to the library to get a book. A few days later, she returns and says to librarian at the counter, "This book was very boring. It had too many characters and too many numbers, so i would like to return it."
The librarian says to the other librarian, "So here is the person who took our phone book!"
lmao x

2007-02-24 06:05:34 · 25 answers · asked by chris c 3

2007-02-24 05:52:08 · 5 answers · asked by rainbow_crazed08 1