Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

http://www.starterupsteve.com/flash/html/jingle_bells_reversed.shtml

2007-02-24 11:00:17 · 13 answers · asked by babycakes_rocks 3

"Now listen carefully," said the doctor to the drunk, hopeing to scare him into doing something about his drinking. "If you carry on hitting the bottle, you'll begin to shrink and eventually turn into a mouse."
The drunk stumbled home, deep in thought. When he entered the house, he called to his wife, "Carol, do me a favour. If you see me getting smaller, for f**k's sake, get rid of the cat.
...........
"Now madam," said the judge, "you are requesting a divorce on the grounds that your husband is a flat slob. What exactly do you mean?"
The woman thought for a moment and replied,
"Well for instance, when we're in a cafe, he always drinks with his pinkie sticking out."
"Madame, there's nothing wrong with that. In some circles it's thought the height of good manners to drink tea with your little finger sticking out."
"Who said anything about his little finger?" she replied.

2007-02-24 10:58:33 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Don't laugh!" said the patient, Bob.

"Of course I won't laugh," the doctor said. "I'm a professional. In over twenty years I've never laughed at a patient."

"Okay then," Bob said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'whoo-ha' the doctor had ever seen. It couldn't have been bigger than the size of a AAA battery.

Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell laughing to the floor. Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.

"I'm so sorry," said the doctor. "I really am. I don't know what came over me. On my honor as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again. Now, what seems to be the problem?"

"It's swollen," Bob replied.

2007-02-24 10:58:05 · 12 answers · asked by onearkansasmommy 3

do u know it

2007-02-24 10:54:05 · 17 answers · asked by Terrell B 2

if you give me a riddle please give me the answer to the riddle

2007-02-24 10:48:40 · 5 answers · asked by hot stuff 1

During World war 2,the Germans had their spare wheel on top of their bonnet,the British had the spare wheel in the boot,why???

ANSWER:Just incase they had a puncture.

2007-02-24 10:48:31 · 27 answers · asked by tourist 5

If you have it,
You want to share it.
If you share it,
You don't have it.

What is it?

2007-02-24 10:47:22 · 18 answers · asked by pollywollydoda 3

A chicken and an egg are laying in bed. The chicken is stretched back smoking a cigarette with a very satisfied smile across his face. The egg is frowning and looking extremely frustrated.

The egg says, "Guess we answered that question."

2007-02-24 10:42:09 · 13 answers · asked by raybbies 5

Hey I've been trying to figure out this problem that my dad told me,but I can't figure it out.
So there are three guys and they decide to stop at a hotel because they're tired.None of them have much money so they decide to share a room and split the cost.They get to the desk and get a room for $30.00.A few hours later the manager comes to the desk and says no the room only cost $25.00 and he tells the bell boy to go to the cash register and take out five dollars to give to the men.After the manager walked away the bell boy took the five dollars and was on his way up to they're room when he relized you can't split 5 dollars three ways,so he pockets two of the dollars and gives back the other three to the men.
Incase you haven't been paying attention that means that the men only payed $9.00 each and 9x3=27 plus the 2 dollars that the bell boy has,27+2=29.My question is where did the other dollar go?

2007-02-24 10:41:57 · 11 answers · asked by Angel Kitty 2

i'm always here in jokes and riddles so i was wondering, does anyone recognize me? i may have corrected your grammar and/or spelling. just wondering.
and so i don't waste points... a little girl asks her teacher one day," teacher, can my mommy get pregnant?" the teacher responds, "how old is your mother?" the little girl answers,"she's 40" teacher replies,"yes, your mother certainly could get pregnant." the little girl then asks," can my sister get pregnant?" her teacher asks,"how old is she?" the little girl says,"she's 19" teacher says,"yes your sister could get pregnant too." so finally the little girl asks," teacher, could i get pregnant?" teacher smiles ans says," no, sweetheart, you can't get pregnant." so the little boy behind her taps her shoulder and whispers,"see i to;d you we had nothing to worry about!"
alright thats it i just want to know if you guys know me.

2007-02-24 10:35:06 · 5 answers · asked by BrittanyxAriel 2

The rugby player was rushed to hospital with a dislocated shoulder. As the doctor manoeuvred it back into place, he groaned and yelled out in pain.

"Stop acting like a baby," remarked the doctor, "a big rugby player like yourself should show a bit more courage. Now there's a woman next door who's having a baby and she's not making a fuss like you."

"Maybe not," replied the rugby player through gritted teeth, "but then in her case no one's trying to push anything back in."

2007-02-24 10:29:45 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

The young daughter was passing her parents' bedroom one night when she saw them engaged in some passionate lovemaking. The following morning she asked her father what they had been doing.

"Oh nothing to worry about," replied Dad. "Your mum was having a fit and I was holding her down."

The following week, when Dad came home from work the little girl ran to him and said, "Oh Daddy, I'm so glad you're back. Mummy had another one of those fits today and our next door neighbour had to hold her down."

2007-02-24 10:19:24 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

Try to make them funny.

2007-02-24 10:18:38 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

A teacher was talking w/ her 2nd grade class about their likes and dislikes. Johnny raised his hand.
"I like the Yankees!!" he said.

"Good. In fact," the teacher said, "We all live in New York, the home of the Yankees. How many people are Yankees fans?"

Every one raised their hand except little Suzzie.

"Suzzie, what baseball team do you like then?" asked the teacher.

"The red sox"

"Why on earth would you like the red sox!?!?" The teacher asked bewildered. The Red Sox are the most hated of all teams by New Yorkers, and Yankee fans, just for those of you who don't know.

"Well, my parents like the Red Sox." replied Suzzie.

"You don't always have to like what your parents like. What if your parents were morons? What would you be then?" The teacher demanded.

"A Yakees fan."

2007-02-24 10:18:38 · 14 answers · asked by ♥Petlover♥ 4

Linda had it first, Emrel had it last, Masony Lumgol had it twice until she maried Parker Strupid and never had it again.

What is it?

2007-02-24 10:14:09 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

it tickles so much!

2007-02-24 10:06:23 · 33 answers · asked by Anonymous

so my friend gave me a mama joke and it goes like this she was like ur mama is so fat when she sat on a 5 dollar bill abe lincone poped out and sang 123 abc get ur fat *** off of me

2007-02-24 10:05:33 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

are playing golf one day. one of the guys is about to chip on to the green when he sees a long funeral procession nex to the course. he stops mid swing, takes off his cap bows down in prayer. blimey says his mate thats the most thoughtful and touching thing i've ever seen. well says the man we were married for 35years

2007-02-24 10:05:14 · 18 answers · asked by joanne g 2

'like money doesnt solve ur problems, money lets your cruise past them in style

2007-02-24 10:04:07 · 8 answers · asked by mel 3

I've been in this section (and the video games section) for a while now, and I was wondering if any of you out there know me? I'm trying to make a rep. For those of you who don't, now you do.

2007-02-24 10:03:13 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-24 10:00:29 · 4 answers · asked by pollywollydoda 3

ok so this guy came to america and he didnt know english cuz he was a boater so he went to school and he learned "me me me" and then he went to a reatraunt and learned "forks and knives forks and knives" then he went to parties and learned "hooray hooray" so one day a man was dead on the streets and the police asked "who did this" then the boater said "me me me"the police said "with wat" the boater said "forks and knives forks and knives" the police said "u know u can go to jail for this" the guy said "hooray hooray" [u guys get it]

2007-02-24 09:59:42 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-24 09:58:43 · 5 answers · asked by pollywollydoda 3

Mick Hucknall was arrested having sex with a rabbit this week. Apparently he was holding back the ears and it was 2 tight 2 mention.

2007-02-24 09:57:25 · 7 answers · asked by littlekitty 4

give me some questions to ask my 7 yr old daughter she will pick the best answer.
she is beside me and is asking me to ask her one from yahoo answers.

2007-02-24 09:54:29 · 1 answers · asked by Nutty Girl 7

huh?” The second goat says, “Yeah, but it’s not as good as the book.”

2007-02-24 09:53:39 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

What's long and thin.
Covered in skin.
Red in parts.
And goes in tarts?

Rhubarb.
And if you thought anything else you've got a dirty mind

2007-02-24 09:51:04 · 17 answers · asked by bo nidle 4

I dig out tiny caves, and store gold and silver in them.
I also build bridges of silver and make crowns of gold.
They are the smallest you could imagine.
Sooner or later everybody needs my help, yet many people are afraid to let me help them. What am I?

2007-02-24 09:47:59 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Four men were in a boat on the lake. The boat turns over, and all four men sink to the bottom of the lake, yet not a single man got wet! Why?

2007-02-24 09:46:52 · 22 answers · asked by andygames07 3

2007-02-24 09:46:39 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous