does anybody have a FUNNY JOKE!!!!!!?

Question

if you give me a riddle please give me the answer to the riddle

Answer 1

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work.

Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand.

With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."

He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go.

It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage.

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable.

When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!









.....and this: http://www.starterupsteve.com/flash/html/jingle_bells_reversed.shtml

Answer 2

A bandido points a six shooter at a traveller. Pull your trousers down! Sheet! Eat it! The bandit laughs so much that he drops his gun. The traveller grabs it. Pull your trousers down! ****! eat it! Then he pistol-whips the bandit and continues his journey. When he arrives in town, the sheriff asks did you run into the Mexican bandit? Sure, I've just had lunch with him.

The next traveller along the road is a lanky cowboy. Pull your trousers down! Sheet! Eat it! Mister, says the cowboy. If I was you, I'd hand over that shootin' iron, git on my critter an' git. Otherwise I'm gonna have to do what I done in Texas, an' I don't wanna do what I done in Texas. The bandit isn't scared. He says What you done in Texas Gringo? The cowboy smiles and says I ate a dirty big pile of ****.

Answer 3

There was a white man, an Italian and a black man. They are all on top the Empire State building. The white man spoke up and said, "We are all up here to prove one thing tonight and that's to see who has the longest d*ck"!! " Now, each of you pick a side of the building, I'm going over here. So, they all got into place. The white man then said, "Ok, on my mark let it roll." "Ready, 1, 2, 3, go"! The white man then said " I got 10 stories", The Italian said, " I got 15 stories" Then they turned to te black man and saw that he was dancing. And the white man asked, "What are you doing"? "Why are you dancing"? "I'm not". Said the black man. "I'm dodging traffic"!

Answer 4

A bar owner was arrested by the police for going down on a women in his bar. The bar owner questioned the police what am I getting arrested for? My bar is closed there is no patrons and we are not visible to anyone by any means. So what is with the arrest? The police replied you are being arrested for failure of having a lick-her(liquor) license.

Answer 5

why did brittany shave her head?







anna nicole smith was stealing her headlines