Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

what you think?
A boy awoke and wanted breakfast so he told his mother. She said, "Not until you feed the animals."
The boy went outside and said to the chicken, "I don't feel like feeding you today." So he kicked the chicken. He did the same with the cow and the pig. The boy then went back into the house and told his mother he was hungry. His mother said, "I saw you kick the chicken so you're not getting any eggs, I saw you kick the cow so you're not getting any milk and I saw kick the pig so you're not getting any bacon."

Just then the boy's father walked down the steps and tripped over and kicked the cat and the boy said, "Mom should I tell him?"

2007-02-24 05:48:35 · 19 answers · asked by chris c 3

A Georgia State Trooper pulled a car over on I-95 about 2 miles south of the Georgia/South Carolina State line. When the Trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver answered that he was a magician and a juggler and he was on his way to Savannah to
do a show that night at the Shrine Circus and didn't want to be late.The Trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling, and if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket. The driver told the Trooper that he had sent all of his equipment on ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.The Trooper told him that he had some flares in the trunk of his patrol car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler stated that he could, so the Trooper got three flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler.While the man was doing his juggling act, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunk, good old boy, from S.C., got out and watched the performance briefly.

2007-02-24 05:30:38 · 9 answers · asked by Jodi C 5

If you think you are so creative, then make me a GOOD poem. Who ever makes the best one gets 10 points but do it seriously.
Hmmmm.... and im going to make it hard. Make me a GOOD poem about..... hula-hoops!!

2007-02-24 05:28:13 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-24 05:20:14 · 17 answers · asked by daffy 2

2007-02-24 05:13:04 · 24 answers · asked by anonymous 2

2007-02-24 05:12:58 · 5 answers · asked by I am Sunshine 6

I don't get it. Can someone please explain this to me?
"Back in high school, I told Adolph Hitler that the Jewish kids in Food Class called him names all the time."

2007-02-24 05:10:48 · 24 answers · asked by kara-loves-youu 2

1. "When you're alone and life is making you lonely," where can you go?
2. "In Penny Lane there is a barber with a photograph...." Name two other inhabitants of Penny Lane
3. "Tie me kangaroo down, sport." What other pets are you asked to mind in this song from Down under?
4. "I'll be down to get you in a taxi, honey." What time should you be ready, and where are you going?
5. There must be "50 ways to leave your lover." Name three of them
6. "You're the cream in my coffee." What else are you?
7. "When this old world starts getting me down," where do I go?
8. "You're the top, you're the Colosseum..." Name three other superlatives that describes you.
9. "Someone's in the kitchen with Dinah" - doing what?

2007-02-24 05:05:58 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

thanx! She told me that she was going to play the best, funniest practical joke on me this year and i want to get her for it.

2007-02-24 05:05:11 · 6 answers · asked by CollegeObsessed<3 3

2007-02-24 05:00:58 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

Miss English, Mrs. French, and Ms. Lapp all went on vacation recently, one to England, one to France, and one to Lapland. If only one of the following four statements is true, who went where?
1) Ms. Lapp went to England
2) Ms. Lapp did not go to France
3) Miss English did not go to France
4) Miss English did not go to Lapland

2007-02-24 04:59:59 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-24 04:55:57 · 33 answers · asked by I am Sunshine 6

..

The person who makes it doesn't want it.

The person who buys it doesn't use it.

The person who uses it,doesn't know they use it.

.........

What Is It?

2007-02-24 04:55:05 · 10 answers · asked by emilyrose_lale 1

Three men decided to split the cost of a hotel room. The hotel manager gave them a price of $30.

The men split the bill evenly, each paying $10, and went to their room. However, the hotel manager realized that it was a Wednesday night, which meant the hotel had a special: rooms were only $25. He had overcharged them $5!

He called the bellboy, gave him five one-dollar bills and told him to return it to the men.

When the bellboy explained the situation to the men, they were so pleased at the honesty of the establishment that they promptly tipped the bellboy $2 of the $5 he had returned and each kept $1 for himself.

So each of the three men ended up paying $9 (their original $10, minus $1 back) totalling $27, plus $2 for the bellboy makes $29.



Where did the extra dollar go?

2007-02-24 04:52:02 · 7 answers · asked by roger c 2

What did Napoleon say to his crew before they got on the boat?




Get on the boat!

2007-02-24 04:45:49 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

A visitor at an asylum asks the director what the criteria are for defining whether or not a patient should be institutionalised.

"Well," says the director, "we fill up a bathtub; then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," says the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket as it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No," says the director. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed by the wall or near the window?

2007-02-24 04:38:19 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

now the seller has charged too mutch for clock cost only $25, gives $5 to his helper to return to buyers,boy gives back $1 to each boy and keeps $2. .now each boy payed $9 for clock ok 3x9=27 helper has $2 only ads up to $29 . where is the other $ ????

2007-02-24 04:36:16 · 11 answers · asked by bbrille898@rogers.com 1

The story is for a boy (called Tom maybe) who is living with his uncle (Frank). One day the uncle decides to send Tom in an orphanage until he find a better job so tht they could keep the house. In the orphanage Tpm meets Ema and they find together a watch that brings them back in 1925. There they are almost crashed by Vlad who turns out to be the inventor of the time machine. The date is 14th of April, the famous day of king Boriss attack in the Arabackonack pass. vlad dies that day because he is the king's driver and now the two children must stop the atentat in the Saint Sofia church. Interested? Look at my question "Do you like my story?Part 2" to see my writing style. Would you buy the book if I manage to publish it?

2007-02-24 04:24:06 · 7 answers · asked by Jerey 2

Dont take this seriously

Hey......this is an interesting piece from somewhere..
In Year 1981
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes
4. Pope Died

In Year 2005
1. Prince Charles got married (again)
2. Liverpool crowned Champions of Europe(again)
3. Australia lost the Ashes (again)
4. Pope Died (again)

Moral of the story -
In future, if Prince Charles decides to re-marry every year...
I am a huge Liverpool fan.

some observations in our life!!
The road to success…….. is always under construction.

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again,
neither does milk..

In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need
it.

All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or
fattening.

Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter
before you hear them speak.

Everyone has a scheme of getting rich….. which never works.

If at first you don't succeed…. Destroy all evidence that you ever
tried.

You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it
falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.

Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most
inaccessible corner.


***** 42.7% of all statistics is made on the spot. *****

He who has the gold, makes the rules ---- Murphy's golden rule.

If you come early, the bus is late. If you come late…… the bus is
still late.

Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being
sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.

If you have paper, you don't have a pen……. If you have a pen, you
don't have paper…… if you have both, no one calls.


Especially for engg. Students----
If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.

All Govt buses are crowded.
Corollary--- -- The Govt buses in opposite direction always go
empty.

The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the
bathroom.


After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always
pull in together and the bus which you get in will be crowded than the
other.

If your exam is tomorrow, there will be a power cut tonight.

The last person to be fired or quit is responsible for all the
errors until another person is fired or quits.

2007-02-24 04:14:41 · 9 answers · asked by geniuswithU 2

If your cannoeing down main street and all 4 wheels fall off, how many pancakes does it take to shingle a dog house?

2007-02-24 04:04:47 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Alcohol.....it makes you see double and feel single!

Dog owners.....cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.

monorrhoea....when diarrhoea only runs down one leg.

Constipated accountant.....couldn't budget

Why do blondes have bruised belly buttons?
Because they sleep with blonde men.

What is forty feet long, has eight teeth and smells of wee?
The front row at a Cliff Richard concert!

2007-02-24 04:00:32 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

it takes a man 2 hours to dig a hole how long does it take the same man to dig half a hole?
easy peasy :-/

2007-02-24 03:55:09 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

what comes once a year, twice a week and once every second

2007-02-24 03:53:46 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

1. What comes once in a second, twice in a season, but never in a year?
2. what goes around the world but stays in one corner?
3. what is so delicate that when you say it you break it?
4. what goes up but never goes down?
5. I am as light as a feather but you can't hold me as long, what am i?
6. I have streets roads and rivers but no people, what am i?
7. Seven is an odd number. How can you make it even?
8. what has 10 letters and starts with gas?
9. what is tall when it is young, but short when old?
10. I am in front of you but you can't see me, what am i?

2007-02-24 03:52:33 · 21 answers · asked by chocomichie 1

if you guess my favorite color correctly you get 10 pts

2007-02-24 03:43:45 · 17 answers · asked by oNe.Love. 3

there are ten teeny tiny firemen in a teeny tiny truck how many t's are in that? :-)

2007-02-24 03:39:57 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous

What do you throw out when you want to use it, but take in when you don't want to use it?

2007-02-24 03:37:07 · 14 answers · asked by andygames07 3

It's been around for millions of years, but it's no more than a month old. What is it?

2007-02-24 03:21:25 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

What fastens two people yet touches only one?

2007-02-24 03:17:24 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

So BB King's wife wants to get him a birthday gift but doesn't know what to get him, I mean he has everything. So she decides to get "BB" tatooed on her butt - a B on each cheek.
So he comes home and she is bent over, leaning on all fours, naked on the bed so he can see her butt. She says "so what do you think??"
He says......
Great, but who is "BOB"???


HA ha, get it???

2007-02-24 03:16:13 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous