Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

For all of you who are feeling a little older and missing those great old tunes, there is good news. Some of your old favorites have re-released their great hits with new lyrics to accommodate their aging audience.



Some examples:



Herman's Hermits--"Mrs. Brown You've Got a Lovely Walker"



The Rolling Stones--"You Can't Always Pee When You Want"



Credence Clearwater Revival--"Bad Prune Rising"



Marvin Gaye--"I Heard It Through the Grape Nuts"



The Who--"Talkin' 'Bout My Medication"



The Troggs--"Bald Thing"



Carly Simon--"You're So Varicose Vein"



The Bee Gees--"How Can You Mend a Broken Hip"



Roberta Flack--"The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face"



Johnny Nash--"I Can't See Clearly Now"



The Temptations--"Papa Got a Kidney Stone"



ABBA--"Denture Queen"



Leo Sayer--"You Make Me Feel Like Napping"



Commodores--"Once, Twice, Three Trips to the Bathroom"



Procol Harem--"A Whiter Shade of Hair

2007-02-24 17:57:14 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

Goodnight everyone.

2007-02-24 17:49:51 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

SECRET TIP 1: DOOR LOCKS
If a room clearly can't be whipped into shape in 30 days --much less 30 minutes--employ the Locked Door Method of cleaning. Tell anyone who tries to go in the room that the door is intentionally locked. CAUTION: It is not advisable to use this tip for the
bathroom. Time: 2 seconds

SECRET TIP 2: DUCT TAPE
No home should be without an ample supply. Not only is it handy for plumbing repairs, but it's a great way to hem drapes, tablecloths, clothes, just about anything.
No muss, no fuss. Time: 2-3 minutes

SECRET TIP 3: OVENS
If you think ovens are just for baking, think again. Ovens represent at least 9 cubic feet of hidden storage space, which means they're a great place to shove dirty dishes, dirty clothes, or just about anything you want to get out of sight when company's coming.
Time: 2 minutes

SECRET TIP 4: CLOTHES DRYERS
Like Secret Tip 3, except bigger. Time: 2.5 minutes

2007-02-24 17:49:41 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

in the animals(i mean in the zodiac participants)....who is the winner of all???
my clue he is small and cute but dirty......


rate it if who is the winner(or the first),then the second the third etc..up to 12 only


their are 12 particpants......
if u know who's the winner just answer my question.......

if somebody know the 12 animals i will give you 10 points.........

i will give u all 2 days.....

2007-02-24 17:45:27 · 5 answers · asked by ♪♫♪Music Lover♪♫♪ 3

Ok. My dream always starts with me and my partner investigatining a murder that had happened 15 years after we entered the room. So I go over to the dresser and start looking through it while my partner goes over to the closet and starts looking through it.. then we both hear a little girls voice scream "stop u r messing up my stuff!" I turn around and look @ the closet.. he stops looking though it for a while and then after a few minutes he starts looking in it again. This time the voice was more denomic "I SAID STOP!!" My partner and I looked @ eachother and both ran outside into the car. The house we were @ had a drive way that would circle the house and then spiral downwards b/c they lived on a hill and as we circled the house leaving, I looked over and in a window I saw a small girl that had a peeled off face and her eyes were rolled back in her head.. Once again.. what does this dream mean???I have had this dream 4 or 5 times and it has been a little diffrent eachtime.help!

2007-02-24 17:36:37 · 5 answers · asked by Abby,,[[RAWR]] 2

I do that..and I dno't know why!

2007-02-24 17:30:55 · 14 answers · asked by Orpheus Muse 1

what do you like more, chuck norris jokes or vin diesel jokes. (explain)

2007-02-24 17:30:52 · 9 answers · asked by arzbarz 2

(a)egg
(b)hen
(c)the omelet

2007-02-24 17:16:36 · 22 answers · asked by sana 1

wat did holly combs want 2 b wen she was in school?????????????

2007-02-24 17:14:16 · 15 answers · asked by victoria s 1

2007-02-24 17:12:52 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

I don't get it o_O
how can miyavi eat like a pig and still be damn skinny?!
I hate to sound like an idiot but I wanna know how .____.

2007-02-24 17:11:05 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Why do people pick up an object that the vacuum will not pick-up, look at it, then throw it back down and try again to have the vacuum sweep it up?

2007-02-24 17:09:45 · 12 answers · asked by ThinkaboutThis 6

here is something that only the "Oldie Moldie's" will know. In 1973 Tootsie Roll made a candy called Tootsie pop drops. they were in a roll like life savers. The motto on the package was:

" As you travel through life Brother, whatever be your goal, keep you eye upon the Tootsie cause that's what's in the hole. We Fill the hole with Tootsie Roll!!"

Just had to share!!! I am tired...that's all folks!!! have a good evening!!! =)

2007-02-24 17:08:37 · 8 answers · asked by -------- 7

i did a quiz a long time ago then i set it up to trick others but i dont knwo where i got it from. u go set up a quiz for people to take and you put in your email and then all their "secret" answers go to your email and u get to see them. and the quiz had some presonal questions on there/ if anyone can direct me on where to to this again i would love it.

2007-02-24 17:03:32 · 5 answers · asked by iamheretowinp 2

In a fine-art classroom, the teacher asked the Students to draw anything on their drawing sheets. When the Teather was inspecting their work he discovered that a student named Joe did not draw anything.
Here is their conversation
Teacher "Joe your mates are drawing but you are not why?"
Joe"Sir, but i drew something"
Teacher "What did you draw i can only see a blank space?"
Joe "I drew a **** and grains"
Teacher "Where is the grains in your drawing sheet now?"
Joe "The **** have ate all the grains"
Teacheer "Then where is the **** on the paper now?"
Joe "Sir, the **** left immediately it finished eating all the grains that is why my drawing paper is blank"

2007-02-24 16:43:40 · 34 answers · asked by alao a 1

think two numbers like 1-2,2-3,3-4,4-5,5-6,6-7,7-8, or 8-9
up to 9 only.....

then add your big number into 2 then your answer should be subtracted it in ur small number.









and the answer is 3 right????

sorry if this one is not a joke,but it's a magic.....
show ur solution.....

2007-02-24 16:41:28 · 7 answers · asked by ♪♫♪Music Lover♪♫♪ 3

2007-02-24 16:40:34 · 9 answers · asked by dhoom_machao_dhoom 1

2007-02-24 16:39:17 · 7 answers · asked by some black dude with no life 1

2007-02-24 16:38:43 · 12 answers · asked by stokes4show 2

2007-02-24 16:30:37 · 22 answers · asked by ♪♪♫ DINO ♪♫♪ 4

2007-02-24 16:17:41 · 6 answers · asked by ♪♪♫ DINO ♪♫♪ 4

number is at least two larger than the first.invert the number. subtract the original number from that. invert that number and add the two....watch... 347 invert 743-347=396 invert 693+396=1089 use your own number. WHATS YOUR ANSWER???

2007-02-24 16:15:08 · 9 answers · asked by mdnitson 1

If a chicken and a half laid an egg in a half in a day and a half how long would it take a cricket with a wooden leg to pick the seeds out of a cucumber?

2007-02-24 16:07:34 · 21 answers · asked by Frank 1

A guy buys something in a store, comes to the cashing-desk and says "bag it".

The cashier says "big time!" and they both laugh.

I'm not a native speaker - so what's so funny about it?

2007-02-24 16:02:55 · 9 answers · asked by theocide84 2

Little Johnny stands up and says,
"the other day i was with my dad going to the automart when there was a bloke who lost his load of oranges all over the road,and dad said"it will take the c*nt ages to pick them all up!""

2007-02-24 15:50:11 · 15 answers · asked by buddybottle_australia 2

A man approached the very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

"Why?"

"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman my wife appears out of nowhere.

2007-02-24 15:46:52 · 12 answers · asked by Mary 6

make sure that the last number is at least 2 numbers larger than the first.(ie 347) invert the number. subtract the original number.invert that number and add the two

2007-02-24 15:40:33 · 13 answers · asked by mdnitson 1

If someone tried to read your mind right now, what would they see?
Would the thought be: You were the cat who swallowed the canary? Or curiousity was killing the cat?

2007-02-24 15:35:56 · 6 answers · asked by rosey 7

You must bring out the sicko within you!

2007-02-24 15:35:37 · 11 answers · asked by FIREMAN_911 2

Tell me if this is dum my cousin told me she's 5 give her a break... OK a women walks into a store she wants a permenent marker. A couple months later she comes back to retun it " you said this was permenant it alredey ran out of ink! "

2007-02-24 15:21:39 · 17 answers · asked by Nikolle 1