Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

looking for man is just, like looking for a parking lot..."all the good ones are takin and all is left is the handicap"

2007-02-26 06:04:30 · 16 answers · asked by sweetooth 2

An electrical train is going North and there is an East wind blowing what way is the wind blowing????????????

2007-02-26 05:51:27 · 16 answers · asked by chichikirby 1

People use me all the time to make themselves look good. They use me for a long time, but right after they're done with me, then they're right back to their old selves again.

What am I?

2007-02-26 05:46:51 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

The Frog

A guy who is 82 years old and loves to fish,
was sitting in his boat the other day when
he heard a voice say, "Pick me up."

He looked around and couldn't see any
one. He thought he was dreaming when
he heard the voice say again, "Pick me up."

He looked in the water and there, floating
on the top, was a frog. The man said, "Are
you talking to me?"


The frog said, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick
me up. Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the
most beautiful woman you have ever seen."

The man looked at the frog for a short time,
reached over, picked it up carefully, and
placed it in his front breast pocket.

Then the frog said, "What, are you nuts?
Didn't you hear what I said? I said kiss me
and I will turn into the most beautiful woman
you have never seen."

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and
said, "Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking
frog."

2007-02-26 05:46:04 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-26 05:41:46 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

Riddle 1:
You can't live without me.
Some people are afraid of me.
Most people wouldn't dare throw parties without me.
When things aren't going my way, I can get easily let down.

What am I?

A SPIRIT (you can't live without a Spirit, some people are afraid of (evil) Spirits, people serve alcohol (or Spirits) when throwing a party, and when things don't go your way, you Spirits gets down)


Riddle 2:
I am needed. I am a good thing, but sometimes I cause people so much pain.

What am I?

LOVE!!!

2007-02-26 05:40:23 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By
imitating the action of brushing his teeth, he successfully
expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of
sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?

2007-02-26 05:16:22 · 24 answers · asked by ne14a6t9 4

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini,
4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?

2007-02-26 05:15:41 · 43 answers · asked by ne14a6t9 4

If you overtake the last person, then you are...?

2007-02-26 05:14:45 · 21 answers · asked by ne14a6t9 4

mark is 8! the day before yesterday he was 7! next year he will be 10! how is this possible?

2007-02-26 05:13:07 · 18 answers · asked by ne14a6t9 4

I love jokes.. does any one have any good ones..??

x thanx x :P

2007-02-26 05:09:57 · 7 answers · asked by xcrazyx 1

2007-02-26 05:06:51 · 17 answers · asked by pervertidamente 2

explain ur experience there

2007-02-26 05:04:11 · 7 answers · asked by sanobar 1

I totally got the giggles today in our staff meeting over something really inappropriate, and I just couldn't stop. Why is it always funnier when you know you need to stop laughing??

2007-02-26 05:01:01 · 18 answers · asked by Funky Little Spacegirl 6

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.

As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home.

Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!

He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.

Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"

"Yes," the wife answers, "why do you ask?"

Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that ........ on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!

2007-02-26 04:55:16 · 23 answers · asked by Kizzy_ 5

i have brown hair with blond hi lights i am tall skinny and tan.... who am i

2007-02-26 04:50:29 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

i have brown hair with blond hi lights i am tall skinny and tan.... who am i

2007-02-26 04:49:54 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

I mean if u swallow enough air don't you make gas???

2007-02-26 04:49:44 · 4 answers · asked by manoman 4

2007-02-26 04:48:56 · 9 answers · asked by SUAVE38 2

They always ask at the doctor's office why you are there, and you
have to answer, in front of others, what's wrong and sometimes it is
embarrassing. There's nothing worse than a doctor's receptionist who
insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other
patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the
way
this old guy handled it:
An 86 year old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached
the desk. The receptionist said, ?Yes sir; what are you seeing the
Doctor For today??
?There's something wrong with my dixk,? he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, ?You shouldn't come into
a
crowded waiting room and say things like that."


?Why not?? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,? he said.

2007-02-26 04:43:23 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Well, Kenny the rooster costs a lot of money, but the farmer decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Kenny.

The farmer takes Kenny home and sets him down in the barnyard, first, giving the rooster a pep talk.

I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money. Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. So, take your time and have some fun," the farmer said, with a chuckle.

Kenny seemed to understand, so the farmer pointed toward the Hen house and Kenny took off like a shot. WHAM!- Kenny nails every hen in the hen house- three or four times, and the farmer is really shocked. After that the farmer hears a commotion in the duck pen, sure enough, Kenny is in there.
Later, the farmer sees Kenny after a flock of geese, down by the lake. Once again - WHAM! He gets all the geese.

By sunset he sees Kenny out in the fields chasing quail and pheasants. The farmer is distraught and worried that his expensive rooster won't even last 24 hours. Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the next day, to find Kenny on his back, stone cold in the middle of the yard. vultures are circling overhead.

The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colorful and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, "Oh, Kenny, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself."
Kenny opens one eye, nods toward the vultures circling in the sky and says, "Shhh, they're getting closer".

2007-02-26 04:36:29 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cursed her.

Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....dad....I became a prostitute...."

"Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family."

"OK, dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million."

"For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club....(takes a breath)....and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and...."

Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad.

Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff.

"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug.

2007-02-26 04:30:13 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

tornado
hurricane
earthquake

2007-02-26 04:27:40 · 12 answers · asked by joelinn1974 3

At 85 years, Morris marries a lovely 25 year old woman. Because her new husband is so old, the woman decides that on their wedding night they should have separate bedrooms.

She is concerned that the old fellow could overexert himself. After the wedding festivities she prepares herself for bed and for the knock on the door she is expecting.

Sure enough the knock comes and there is her groom ready for action. They unite in conjugal union and all goes well whereupon he takes his leave of her and she prepares to go to sleep for the night.

After a few minutes there's a knock on the door and there old Morris is again ready for more action. Somewhat surprised she consents to further coupling which is again successful after which the octogenarian bids her a fond good night and leaves.

She is certainly ready for slumber at this point, and is close to sleep, for the second time when there is another knock at the door and there he is again fresh as a 25 year old and ready for more.

Once again they do the horizontal boogie. As they're laying in afterglow the young bride says to him, "I am really impressed that a man your age has enough juice to go at it three times. I've been with guys less than half your age who were only good for one time. You're a great lover Morris."

Morris looks confused, and turns to her and says," I was here already?"

2007-02-26 04:25:52 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-26 04:20:13 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.
The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She said, "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow."
"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be all right...I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch. But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him.
She then asked him, "How does that feel?"

2007-02-26 04:14:58 · 3 answers · asked by c_o_e_u_s 2

2007-02-26 04:08:11 · 6 answers · asked by Sami 1

This seems backwards to me. A pair of bras and a pantie would make more sense.

2007-02-26 04:05:45 · 5 answers · asked by Toeless_Joe_Jackson 5

2007-02-26 04:02:47 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

An archaeologist walks into a cave & seeing two dead bodies on the ground, turns to his colleague says "These are the bodies of Adam & Eve". How could he tell who they were?

2007-02-26 03:57:10 · 8 answers · asked by minispice79 2