Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

2007-02-05 05:54:54 · 14 answers · asked by Cap10kirk 3

How many George W. Bushes does it take to change a lightbulb?


Gimme a punch line and I'll give the best answer vote to the funniest.

2007-02-05 05:52:28 · 15 answers · asked by i_miss_sherry_07 1

The man who bought it doesn't need it. The man who needs it doesn't know it. What is it?

2007-02-05 05:49:50 · 11 answers · asked by Cap10kirk 3

2007-02-05 05:47:22 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

A dog is tied to a leash 15 feet long. The dog wants to get to a bone that is 20 feet away. How will he get to the bone.

2007-02-05 05:45:49 · 20 answers · asked by Cap10kirk 3

2007-02-05 05:41:32 · 13 answers · asked by Cap10kirk 3

hi all , can you please give me your opinon on my peom and any constructive comments that you can give me that may improve my writing abilities, many thanx

War

Charge, they cry with guns blazing
Kill them all you hear them saying
Storming towards the enemy lines
These are bloody and violent times

No mans land is littered with dead
No arms no legs and even no head
Some are still alive and writhe in pain
Running past trying to pass the blame

They shot our lads they must pay
None of them must live another day
Sounds of gunshot rebound all around
The horrible smell of war and its sound

Pain attacks the chest, you start to fall
Medic! You scream, please hear my call
I cannot die this blackest day come rescue me
Oh lord in heaven let them hear my plea

Darkness invades into your terrified eyes
Thinking of whom you would say goodbyes
Will they miss me? Will they know?
To heaven or hell will my soul go?

2007-02-05 05:40:22 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out?

2007-02-05 05:40:13 · 7 answers · asked by Polaco B 1

Two fat guys sitting in a bar. One says to the other "You're round". The other one says "So are you, you fat bast*rd!"

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says "Does this taste funny to you?"

2007-02-05 05:38:35 · 20 answers · asked by Who Yah 4

The Seven Most Important Men in a Woman's Life

1. The Doctor - who tells her to "take off all her clothes."

2. The Dentist - who tells her to "open wide."

3. The Milkman - who asks her "do you want it in the front or the back?"

4. The Hairdresser - who asks her "do you want it teased or blown?"

5. The Interior Designer - who assures her "once it's inside, you'll LOVE it!"

6. The Banker - who insists to her "if you take it out too soon, you'll lose interest!"

7. The Primal Hunter - who always goes deep into the bush, always shoots twice, always eats what he shoots, but keeps telling her "Keep quiet and lie still!"

2007-02-05 05:38:10 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-05 05:31:12 · 22 answers · asked by Cap10kirk 3

Ok So Theres These Three Men From Apple Company And Three From Dell Company. Theyre Both Going On A Business Trip To London. While Dell Company Buy Three Train Tickets For All Of Them,, They See That Apple Company Only Buys One Between Them All. Dell Thinks,, Well Theyre Definately Gonna Be Kicked Off The Train. But When They Get On They All Cram Into One Bathroom And Then The Ticket Taker Comes And Knocks On The Door Says ''Ticket Please!'' One Hand Comes Out Of The Bathroom And Drops Their Ticket In The Cup!
On The Way Back From Theyre Business Trip Dell Decide Theyre Gonna Do The Same And Only Buy One Ticket. They See That Apple Doesnt Buy ANY Tickets. They All Get On The Train And Dell Hides In The Bathroom. Apple Company Comes Up To The Bathroom,, Knocks On The Door And Says ''Ticket Please!''

Lol What Do Yuu Think?? Plzz Like It!

2007-02-05 04:59:54 · 15 answers · asked by {*} Dudette {*} 1

my pupils have always been big but someone told me it was from looking in the mirror to much ..is this true?

2007-02-05 04:59:11 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

Once he is done the barmantells him he owes £5.

"But I paid, don't you remember?" says the customer.

"Okay," says the barman, "If you said you paid, you did."

The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the barman can't keep track of whether his customers have paid.

The second man then rushes in, orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt.

The barman replies, "If you say you paid, I'll take your word for it."

Soon the customer goes into the street, sees an old friend, and tells him how to get free drinks.

The man hurries into the bar and begins to drink doubles when, suddenly, the barman leans over and says, "You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched right in the nose."

"Don't bother me with your troubles," the man said. "Just give me my change and I'll be on my way."

2007-02-05 04:46:53 · 17 answers · asked by ♥gigi♥ 7

A man went into a bar on the top floor of a skyscraper. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar.

As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more.

Finally the man asked if he could have a pill. The flier said it was his last one. The man offered £500 to no avail, so he made a final offer of a £1000. The man said that it was all he had on him.

The flier reluctantly gave in, took the cash, surrendered the pill, and turned back to the bar.

The man took the pill, took a drink, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall to his death.

The bartender walked over to the flier at the bar and, wiping a glass, said,

"You sure are mean when you're drunk, Superman."

2007-02-05 04:42:06 · 14 answers · asked by ♥gigi♥ 7

Rabri Devi died and went to heaven (Don't Laugh). As she stood in
frontOf yamraj , she saw a huge wall of clocks behind.She asked, "What are
all those clocks?"Yamraj answered, "Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on
Earth has a LieClock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will
move.""Oh," said Rabri,"Who's clock is that?"That's Gautam Buddha's. The
hands have never moved indicating that heNever told a lie."And whose
clock is that?"That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The handsHave only moved
twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in hisEntire life."Rabri
asked, "Where's my Laloo's clock?"Laloo"s clock is in my office",
replied yamraj, "I'm using it as aCeiling fan".

2007-02-05 04:41:19 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Please answer the following Yes/No questionnaire.

1) If somebody sits in the first row, normally people entering the class,
sees them.
(a) Yes (b) No

2) If a girls laughs and looks anyone, is it love?
(a) Yes (b) No

3) While singing, if somebody forgets lines of the songs, will he/she stop
singing or not?
(a) Yes (b) No

4) I was showing to my friends (who are all girls) my childhood photo.
You poked your nose inside..... right ?
(a) Yes (b) No

5) I avoided to hold your hand during trekking. Couldn't you understand
yet?
(a) Yes (b) No

6) Should I not wait for my best friend (Anjali) at the bus stand?
(a)Yes (b) No

7) Shouldn't I introduce you to my parents as a friend?
(a) Yes (b) No

8) You have said you also like Lotus, cauliflower, banana's flower. Is it
true ?
(a) Yes (b) No

2007-02-05 04:35:40 · 5 answers · asked by ||| Romeo Boy ||| 4

2007-02-05 04:20:47 · 21 answers · asked by WELL SAID ERFMAN JACK 2

Having a mock Newlywed Game at our church. Have made several good questions, but I need a few more. Please make sure they are clean. Thanks

2007-02-05 04:20:02 · 3 answers · asked by rhino 1

The dishes if she knows whats good for her.

Just joking, sorry

2007-02-05 04:16:07 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-05 04:12:40 · 5 answers · asked by corvetteman12 1

The guy answers, "A scotch, please." The bartender hands him the drink, and says "That'll be five dollars," to which the guy replies, "What are you talking about? I don't owe you anything for this."

A lawyer, sitting nearby and overhearing the conversation, then says to the barman, "You know, he's got you there. In the original offer, which constitutes a binding contract upon acceptance, there was no stipulation of remuneration."

The bartender was not impressed, but says to the guy, "Okay, you beat me for a drink. But don't ever let me catch you in here again."

The next day, same guy walks into the bar. Barman says, "What the heck are you doing in here? I can't believe you've got the audacity to come back!"

The guy says, "What are you talking about? I've never been in this place in my life!" The bartender replies, "I'm very sorry, but this is uncanny. You must have a double To which the guy replies, "Thankyou. Make it a scotch."

2007-02-05 04:10:52 · 13 answers · asked by ♥gigi♥ 7

I don't know how I got over the hill

without getting to the top.
----------------------------------------------
One of the many things no one tells you about aging

is that it is such a nice change from being young.
----------------------------------------------
Ah, being young is beautiful,

but being old is comfortable.
-----------------------------------------------
Old age is when former classmates are so gray

and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.
----------------------------------------------
If you don't learn to laugh at trouble,

you won't have anything to laugh at when you are old.
--------------------------------------
First you forget names, then you forget faces.

Then you forget to pull up your zipper.

It's worse when you forget to pull it down.
-------------------------------------------
Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground

with sticks, it was called witchcraft..

Today, it's called golf

2007-02-05 04:04:35 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Since the H5N1 outbreak in the UK.

2007-02-05 04:03:17 · 2 answers · asked by cdp181c 1

I was just wanting to see who has the funniest joke!

2007-02-05 04:02:45 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you

stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
------------------------------------------
The older we get, the fewer things seem

worth waiting in line for
------------------------------------------
Some people try to turn back their odometers.

Not me, I want people to know "why" I look this way.

I've traveled a long way and some of the

roads weren't paved.
--------------------------------------------
How old would you be

if you didn't know how old you are?
----------------------------------------------
When you are dissatisfied and would

like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
---------------------------------------------
You know you are getting old when everything

either dries up or leaks.

2007-02-05 04:02:25 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two women met for the first time since graduating from high school.

One asked the other, "You were always so organized in school,

Did you manage to live a well planned life? "

" Yes," said her friend.

"My first marriage was to a millionaire;

my second marriage was to an actor;

my third marriage was to a preacher;

and now I'm married to an undertaker."

Her friend asked,
"What do those marriages have to do with a well planned life?"

"One for the money,

two for the show,

three to get ready,

and four to go."

2007-02-05 04:00:20 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

Sammy always complained when his wife Mavis gave money to the countless blind beggars in the neighborhood. He kept telling her that they were liars and cheats and only pretended to be blind.
Her actions upset him so much he started screaming at her every time she gave money to a beggar, especially a blind one. She, on the other hand, seemed to enjoy seeing him mad and would give money to any beggar who stretched out his hand, especially a blind one.
One day, when she expected him to scream at her once more, he was silent. Disappointed, she asked him why he said nothing. Sammy said this beggar was OK. Mavis wanted to know what he meant. Sammy repeated that this beggar was OK, he was really blind. Mavis asked him how he knew. He insisted that he just knew. Mavis insisted that he explain.
Sammy said, "The man is blind. You heard what he said!
Mavis said: "He said thanks."
Sammy said: "He said 'Thank you, beautiful.'"

2007-02-05 04:00:02 · 8 answers · asked by bootygirl 2

An older Jewish gentleman was on the operating table

awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son,

a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anesthesia

he asked to speak to his son.

"Yes, Dad, what is it?" "Don't be nervous, son;

do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well,

if something happens to me ..

your mother is going to come
and live with you and your wife...."

2007-02-05 03:57:47 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office.

"Is it true," she wanted to know,

"that the medication you prescribed has

to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied,

"I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition

because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'."

2007-02-05 03:56:10 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous