Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.

The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off."

"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"? "Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off."

"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously. "Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"

2007-02-05 09:38:27 · 19 answers · asked by ♥gigi♥ 7

what gets wetter the more it dries? take your time people im in no rush

2007-02-05 09:37:23 · 33 answers · asked by soulangel98 2

and asks the barman for a glass of water.
Noticing something strange about the way the man said this, the barman pulled out a gun.

The man said thank you and walked out without getting his glass of water.

How can this be explained?

2007-02-05 09:32:00 · 12 answers · asked by ♥gigi♥ 7

They both like a tight seal.

2007-02-05 09:27:56 · 9 answers · asked by NEIL P 2

I recieved this riddle in an email and I cannot figure it out! I am usually good at these, but I guess I stand corrected...

3 MEN GO INTO A MOTEL. THE MAN BEHIND THE DESK SAID THE ROOM IS $30, SO EACH MAN PAID $10 AND WENT TO THE ROOM. A WHILE LATER THE MAN BEHIND THE DESK REALIZED THE ROOM WAS ONLY $25, SO HE SENT THE BELLBOY TO THE 3 GUYS' ROOM WITH $5. ON THE WAY THE BELLBOY COULDN'T FIGURE OUT HOW TO SPLIT $5 EVENLY BETWEEN 3 MEN, SO HE GAVE EACH MAN A $1 AND KEPT THE OTHER $2 FOR HIMSELF.THIS MEANT THAT THE 3 MEN EACH PAID $9 FOR THE ROOM, WHICH IS A TOTAL OF $27, ADD THE $2 THAT THE BELLBOY KEPT = $29.

Where is the other dollar?

2007-02-05 09:22:27 · 26 answers · asked by Hi 1

So it's this guy's birthday. His father is poor, and all he can give him is a duck. But he feels bad, so he tells his son to go out into the world and trade the duck for something better. So the son goes out and the first person he sees is a hooker. He asks the hooker if she will have sex with him in exchange for the duck. She agrees. But when they are done, she is so impressed that she offers to let him keep the duck if they can have sex again. He agrees. After he leaves the hooker, the duck starts getting agitated and flys out of the guy's arms and right into the grill of an oncoming beer truck. The guy gets out of the truck and says he's sorry, and will give the guy two bucks for his dead duck. He agrees and goes back home. His dad asks him, "How'd you make out?". He says, "Well, I got a **** for a duck, a duck for a ****, and two bucks for a ****** up duck."

2007-02-05 09:04:41 · 2 answers · asked by All!c@ 3

2007-02-05 08:53:22 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

he said

"ouch that hurt"

2007-02-05 08:52:03 · 35 answers · asked by ♥gigi♥ 7

The treatment i got was shody at best

2007-02-05 08:47:19 · 2 answers · asked by Raymond B 4

2007-02-05 08:46:54 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

whoever has the funniest finish will get the best answer.

What do you get when you mix Hilary Clinton and a bucket of crap?

2007-02-05 08:33:58 · 22 answers · asked by the bertis 2

Everyone has heard of the Wizard of Oz movie.

Not everyone knows about the remake with an all black (African American) cast. It starred Michael Jackson and Diana Ross, among others. It was called The Wiz. Look it up if you don't believe me.

They are now doing another remake with reptiles playing ALL the roles. Yes, reptiles. It is called The Lizard of Oz.

2007-02-05 08:27:39 · 13 answers · asked by Mia R 4

how many people say "you'll spill it"?

2007-02-05 08:22:34 · 18 answers · asked by Rachael H 5

Richard Branson offered to buy Hearts but the chairman knocked it back, Saying we cant have virgin on our shirts when we're getting f***** every week.!!!

2007-02-05 08:22:17 · 13 answers · asked by lynda 3

One's a snack cracker, the other a crack snacker!

2007-02-05 08:21:54 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

CINNCINATI REDS

2007-02-05 08:21:27 · 11 answers · asked by joelinn1974 3

I can sizzle like bacon,
I am made with an egg,
I have plenty of backbone, but lack a good leg,
I peel layers like onions, but still remain whole,
I can be long, like a flagpole, yet fit in a hole,
What am I?

2007-02-05 08:13:38 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

I was in a Kentucy Fried Chicken store the other day and I ordered a Hilary special. It has two large thighs, two small breasts, and a lot of left wings.

Before you harass me for this one, sorry to be offensive to her, it is JUST a joke. I respect her, but I wouldn't vote for her.

2007-02-05 08:01:52 · 3 answers · asked by Mia R 4

b: I miss you as a hole !!

funny...hahahaha

2007-02-05 08:00:11 · 1 answers · asked by PLUTO 6

If a red house is made of red bricks
And a blue house is made of blue bricks
then what is a green house made of?

2007-02-05 07:57:58 · 15 answers · asked by Rob 2

You are driving a bus with 10 people on it
First stop 3 people get on 5 get off
Second stop 19 on 25 off
third stop 7 on 1 off
fourth stop 8 on 5 off

who is driving the bus

2007-02-05 07:56:51 · 20 answers · asked by Rob 2

Taller than trees
Up Up it goes
and yet never grows

What am i

2007-02-05 07:54:10 · 15 answers · asked by Rob 2

I am dressed in green sometimes blue or some times brown. Everyone relies on my global management but no one understands my significance.

2007-02-05 07:52:41 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

A Dog Named Sex

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Everybody I know usually calls their dog Rover or Spot. I called mine Sex. Now Sex has been very embarrassing to me.

When I went to City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk I'd like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!"

Then I said, "She is a dog!!"

He said he didnt care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand, I had Sex since I was 9 years old."

He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy."

When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the weddimg. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life, and my life revolves around Sex."

He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everybody would like having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of Peace. My family was barred from the church from then on.

When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand! Sex keeps me awake at night."

The clerk said, "me too!"

One day I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, Sex ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around, and I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets.

"You don't understand," I said. "I hoped to have Sex on TV!"

He called me a 'show off'!

When my wife and I split, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married, but Sex left me after I was married."

The judge said, "Me too!!"

Last night, Sex ran off again, and I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said "I'm looking for Sex."

My case comes up next Thursday.

Well, now I have been thrown in jail, been divorced, and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why, just the other day when I went for my first session with my shrink, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?"

I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all of my life, but now it has left me forever, I couldn't live any longer, so lonely!"

And the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand sex isn't a man's best friend, so get your self a dog."

2007-02-05 07:47:22 · 13 answers · asked by justuraverageperson 2

The one who makes me has no use for me
The one who pays for me does not need me
The one who uses me has no knowledge of it

what am i?

2007-02-05 07:44:52 · 11 answers · asked by Rob 2

add your own awnsers :D free points for sure

2007-02-05 07:34:54 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

What's your favorite/weirdest/funniest moment from when you ever went to camp as a kid?

2007-02-05 07:34:17 · 7 answers · asked by kendoll3000 3

Are S and M's mom and dad dead?

2007-02-05 07:32:03 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous

A woman whos 3 feet tall with a flat head!! give reason why!!!

Whoever gives me the funniest answer will get 10 points

2007-02-05 07:23:32 · 12 answers · asked by chimi c 1

~if a tree drops in a forest and thr is no one to hear it, does it make a sound?

~does the chicken or egg come first?

~how many licks does it take to get to the center of the tootiespop?

does anyone know the ansewr?

2007-02-05 07:20:46 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous