Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

2007-02-05 07:10:02 · 19 answers · asked by If the mask fits... 5

8. "What, 3 servings of Moo Shoo Pork weren't enough for you, tubby?"

7. "Your fullness will be short-lived. Like an hour, tops."

6. "Put all your money and jewelry in the egg roll and nobody gets hurt."

5. "Today's dog in alley is tomorrow's moo goo gai pan."

4. "Patron who mocks waiter's accent will unwittingly consume chef's bodily fluids."

3. "Man who look to stale cookie for advice probably make good busboy. Ask waitress for application."

2. "Your strength lies in your continued belief that what you just ate was indeed duck."

1. "Creative Chinese chef without utensils can still find ways to stir soup."

2007-02-05 07:07:35 · 9 answers · asked by sugarscamp 5

i was just wondering =]

2007-02-05 07:06:37 · 7 answers · asked by blondefootballer 2

2007-02-05 07:06:08 · 19 answers · asked by andygames07 3

If you say my name i'm not there anymore what am I?

2007-02-05 07:05:22 · 7 answers · asked by Queen of Boredom 2

In a Tokyo hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notice.

In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

In another Japanese hotel room: Please to bathe inside the tub.

Alongside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

At a Bangkok dry cleaners: Drop your trousers here for best results.

Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand: Would you like to ride on your own ***?

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

A Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Coolers and Heaters: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.

From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage, then tootle him with vigor.

2007-02-05 06:48:47 · 6 answers · asked by sugarscamp 5

"Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy."

"Someone call the janitor - we're going to need a mop!"

"Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness"

"Bo Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!"

"Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?"

"Hand me that...uh...that uh...thingie."

"Oh no! I just lost my Rolex."

"Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?"

"Darn, there go the lights again...."

"Ya know, there's big money in kidneys. Heck, the guy's got two of 'em."

"Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!"

"Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing off my concentration."

"What's this doing here?"

"That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?"

"I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses."

"Well, folks, this will be an experiment for all of us."

"Sterile, shcmerile. The floor's clean, right?"

"What do you mean, he wasn't in for a sex change?"

"Anyone see where I left that scalpel?"

2007-02-05 06:47:28 · 55 answers · asked by Baby 3

2007-02-05 06:47:16 · 11 answers · asked by Julie 3

I fly though the air on small feathered wings seeking out life destroying all things. What am I?

2007-02-05 06:45:52 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

This Blonde finds herself along side a river with no way to get across it. She sees' another Blonde on the far side of the river and hollers out "How do I get to the other side?" To which the Blonde hollers back at her "You are on the other side!!"

2007-02-05 06:45:07 · 11 answers · asked by I see dumb people 5

Bill Gates dies in a car accident.

He finds himself being sized up by God. "Well Bill, I'm really
confused on this call. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell.
After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every
home, yet you created that ghastly Windows 95. I'm going to do something
I've never done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to
go."

Bill replied: "Well, what's the difference between the two?"
God said "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, to see if
it will help your decision." "Fine, but where should I go first?" Bill
replied. God said "I'll leave that up to you."

"Okay then" said Bill, "let's try Hell first." So Bill went to Hell.
It was a clean, sandy beach with clear water and lots of beautiful women
running around, playing in the water,laughing & frolicking about.
The sun was shining, the temperature perfect. He was very pleased. "This is
great. If this is Hell, I really want to see Heaven."

His wish was granted. Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with
angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as
enticing as Hell. Bill thought for a minute, and rendered his decision.
"Hmmm.
I think I'd prefer Hell."

"Fine," retorted God, "as you desire." So Bill Gates went to Hell.
Two weeks later, God decided to check on the late billionaire and see
how he was doing in hell. There was Bill, shackled to a wall screaming
amongst flames in a dark cave, being burned and tortured by demons. "How's
everything going?"

Bill responded in an anguished voice. "This is awful. This is nothing like
the Hell I visited two weeks ago. I can't believe this is happening.What
happened to the other place, with the beaches and the beautiful women
playing in the water?"

"Oh," God said, "that was Hell 3.1. This is Hell 95."

2007-02-05 06:43:07 · 25 answers · asked by Rock 2

What is the 1st thing a man says when he walks into a bar?????

2007-02-05 06:33:29 · 10 answers · asked by silent_shadows23 2

Soft enough to sooth the skin,
light enough to caress the sky,
but hard enough to crack rocks.
What am i?

2007-02-05 06:32:52 · 17 answers · asked by nik2bitch 2

2 blondes walk into a bar. the bar tender gives them a puzzle. he says to finish the puzzle and come back. its takes them a few hours but they finish it and come back. they acted all excited over a barney puzzle. the bar tender asks " what are you so happy about? the blondes say "because we finished the puzzle in a few hours and the box says 6 years and up!!!

2007-02-05 06:30:42 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-05 06:29:03 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

Lady walks into a bar and sees a really good-looking guy sitting at
the bar by himself. She goes over and asks him what he is drinking. "Magic Beer," he says.

She thinks he's a little crazy, so she walks around the bar, but after realizing that there is no one else worth talking to, goes back to the man sitting at the bar and says, "That isn't really Magic Beer, is it?"
"Yes, I'll show you."
He takes a drink of the beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times and comes back in the window.
The lady can't believe it: "I bet you can't do that again."
He takes another drink of beer, jumps out the window, flies around the building three times, and comes back in the window.
She is so amazed that she says she wants a Magic Beer, so the guy says to the bartender, "Give her one of what I'm having."
She gets her drink, takes a gulp of the beer, jumps out the window,
plummets 30 stories, breaks every bone in her body
The bartender looks up at the guy and says

2007-02-05 06:27:08 · 13 answers · asked by tuxgal3 5

Mad about money, my name would suggest; I'm all around nothing. What am I?

2007-02-05 06:26:08 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

They call me a man, but I'll never have a wife. They gave me a body, but I'll never have a life. They gave me a mouth but I'll never take a breath. The water gives me life, the sun brings death.

2007-02-05 06:23:43 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

I'm like an eagle strutting in a line
My beak before, my eyes behind.

2007-02-05 06:22:10 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

When the white man found wyoming and arizona,Red Indians were running these places
There were:

- No Taxes
- No Debt
- Plenty buffalo
- Plenty beaver
- Medicine man free
- Women did all the work
- Men hunted and fished all the time

The white man was dumb enough to think he could improve on that system!

2007-02-05 06:20:42 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-05 06:19:09 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-05 06:17:36 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

OK so there was this hunter, he sets up camp, travels 15 miles south, shoots a bear, travels 15 miles east and was now 15 miles away from camp again. What color was the bear? This is a real riddle and there is logic behind it. You need to have an explanation to your answer and the person who gets it first gets the best answer award!

2007-02-05 06:14:26 · 13 answers · asked by SupEveryone 1

Jenn picked a book off the highest shelf in her room. On the spine she read How to Jog.
She ran out of the room and opened the book but found it had absolutely nothing to do with jogging.
Explain.

2007-02-05 06:11:26 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

Take away my first letter and I am unchanged;
Take away my second letter and I am unchanged;
Take away all my remaining letters and I am still unchanged!
What am I?

2007-02-05 06:10:22 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

jdjdjdjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjjdddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

2007-02-05 06:10:12 · 6 answers · asked by emre viber 1

There once was a man who somehow wound up in a nearly empty room. There were no doors, there were no windows, no sky lights, and essentially no way out. In the room, however, there was a table and standing beside it was a full length mirror. The man, who minutes earlier was feeling hopeless on escaping, smiled triumphantly and walked out of the room. What did this man do in order to escape?

2007-02-05 06:00:53 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

A young Japanese girl had been taught all her life that when she married
she was to please her husband and never upset him. So the first morning of her
honeymoon the young Japanese bride crawled out of bed after making love,
stooped down to pick up her husband's clothes and accidentally let out a
big fart.
She looked up and said:
"Aww so sowwy...excuse prease, front hole so happy back hole laugh out
loud."

2007-02-05 06:00:46 · 10 answers · asked by Jodi C 5

2007-02-05 05:56:30 · 17 answers · asked by Cap10kirk 3

2007-02-05 05:55:33 · 12 answers · asked by Cap10kirk 3