Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

what do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a sheep?

a wooly jumper

why are pirates called pirates?

because they arrrggggghhhhhhhh

knock knock
whos there
letuce
letuce who

letuce in or ill break the door down

2007-02-04 23:19:51 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

dont you think yahoo must launch new account for lossers with directions like (sign in as a different losser).

2007-02-04 23:10:39 · 10 answers · asked by mustang nigel 1

bone idle...

dont hate me

2007-02-04 23:05:58 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

at with the CIA

they both take all the tests and are both equally matched for the job so they get taken off to the final test

the first woman is taken to a room, she is handed a gun and told that she must go inside and shoot the person in the room

she agrees, when she goes into the room she sees her husband sitting on the chair, to which she breaks down into tears and protests that she cant do it,

the CIA guy thanks her for her time but tells her she has failed the final test

the second woman is handed the same gun, told the same thing and goes into the room

she sees her husband sitting there

the man standing out side hears a lot of screaming and shouting things breaking then all of a sudden it goes silent

he goes into the room and asks the woman what happend

well, said the woman, that bloody gun you gave me wasn't loaded so i had to beat him to death with the chair instead

2007-02-04 23:01:59 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

An Italian man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he
Passes a little math test..
"Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." "Withouta numbers?" the Italian says, "Dat is easy." And he proceeds to draw three trees. "What's this?" the boss asks. "Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Italian.

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the
>same rules, but this time the number is 99." "The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a dirty smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that
To represent 99?"
"Each of DA trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."
The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire
This Italian, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again
And he makes a little poop mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."
The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"
(You're going to love this one!!!)

>The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each
>tree and says, "A little dog came along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, dat make one hundred. So, when I start?"

2007-02-04 22:54:20 · 4 answers · asked by Sangy . 4

or you can tell me a place where i can get them.
thank you.

2007-02-04 22:47:01 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you like to dance?"

The girl says, "I don't like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn't dance with you."

The guy says, "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said you look fat in those pants."

Ouch!

2007-02-04 22:46:33 · 18 answers · asked by Jay A 3

Police are called to an apartment and find a woman holding a bloody 3-iron standing over a lifeless man.

The detective asks, "Ma'am, is that your husband?"

"Yes" says the woman.

"Did you hit him with that golf club?" "Yes, yes, I did." The woman begins to sob, drops the club, and puts her hands on her face.

"How many times did you hit him?" replies the officer

"I don't know, six, maybe seven times.....just put me down for a five."

2007-02-04 22:44:55 · 15 answers · asked by Jay A 3

the clue is "motherless animal turns blue". the answer is a 4 letter word and the first person who answers correctly gets 10 points.

2007-02-04 22:44:43 · 9 answers · asked by luck fest 5

A local policeman had just finished his shift one cold November evening and was at home with his wife.

"You just won't believe what happened this evening, in all my years on the force I've never seen anything like it." Said the copper

"What happened dear?" came the reply

"I came across two guys down by the canal, one of them was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks."

"Drinking battery acid and eating fireworks!! What did you do with them ?" Exclaimed his wife

"Oh that was easy, I charged one and let the other off." said the officer

2007-02-04 22:42:37 · 14 answers · asked by Jay A 3

n a small cathedral, a janitor was cleaning the pews between services when he was approached by the priest.

The priest asked the janitor, "Could you go into the confessional and listen to confessions for me? I really have to go to the bathroom and Widow McGee is coming. She tends to go on and on but never really does anything worthy of serious repentance, so when she's done, just give her 10 Hail Marys. I'll be right back."

Being the helpful sort, the janitor agreed. Just as expected, Widow McGee came into the booth and started her confession.

"Oh Father, I fear I have done the unforgivable," she said. "I have given into carnal thoughts and have had oral sex."

Stunned, the janitor had no idea how to handle this situation—surely 10 Hail Marys would not do. So in a moment of desperation, the janitor peeked his head out of the confessional and asked an altar boy, "Son, what does the priest give for oral sex?"

The altar boy replied, "Two Snickers bars and a Coke."

2007-02-04 22:26:27 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-04 22:26:05 · 12 answers · asked by thomas c 1

what would u prefer doing among these ?----
a)Jumping from the mt . everest.
b)Swimming in the antarctic ocean
c)Sitiing on the sun and have a niceeeee picnic ?

2007-02-04 22:14:48 · 66 answers · asked by Dr Surabhi :) 3

the more the better. can someone help me? thank you.
not erotic jokes, please.

2007-02-04 22:04:16 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

Well with Erotic you use a Feather and with Kinky you use the whole Chicken.

2007-02-04 22:03:11 · 18 answers · asked by Smurf 7

A young woman had been taking golf lessons all week long. She`d just begun her first game of golf when she suffered a bee sting.

Her pain was so intense, she couldn`t continue her game. She decided to go back to the clubhouse and get some medical attention.

Her golf Pro saw her enter the clubhouse and asked,"Why are you back so soon?" What`s wrong?"

"I was stung by a bee," she answered.

"Where?," he asked.

"Between the first and second holes," she replied.

He nodded his head knowingly and said,"Then your stance is too wide."

2007-02-04 22:03:09 · 9 answers · asked by Jay A 3

A young lady visited the government matchmaker for marriage and said, "I'm looking for a spouse. Can you please help me find a suitable one?"

The marriage officer said, "Your requirements please."

"Well, let me see. He needs to be good-looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing. He has to be willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don't go out. He must also tell me interesting stories when I need companionship for conversations, or be silent when I want to rest."

The officer listened carefully and replied,

"I understand. You need a television."

2007-02-04 21:54:57 · 10 answers · asked by Jay A 3

2007-02-04 21:54:31 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

Its called WEDDING CAKE

2007-02-04 21:53:07 · 30 answers · asked by Smurf 7

2007-02-04 21:30:29 · 13 answers · asked by chsbaseball0313 2

SETTING: a prison cell w/ a dirt floor, stone walls, no window but a skylight high up in the ceiling; no furniture except for a mattress... ACTION: d prisoner who was in the cell, manages 2 escape through the skylight... HOW DID D PRISONER ESCAPE!??! pls help me answer this hard question! PLEEEEEAAASSEEE! ! !

2007-02-04 21:17:31 · 16 answers · asked by prettypigtails 2

How many times will the voice of striking the glasses (tuck) occur, when four peaple strike their pegs separately with each other to cheer up ?

2007-02-04 20:47:37 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-04 20:44:39 · 18 answers · asked by brandon l 1

of the guy i like... i wanna see if anyone guesses!!!! :D :D :D :D :D

2007-02-04 20:36:23 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

....... welp! all the jok is so lame :[[

2007-02-04 20:23:22 · 10 answers · asked by x.sassy_girl 1

What is the one thing rich people want, poor people have, and if you eat it you will die ? Right answer gets the points...Good Luck

2007-02-04 20:01:42 · 15 answers · asked by brookesingsalways 3

OK, Ive done just about as much damage as I can do in one day here at our little Y!A. I'm off to bed. I need to find a house to rent tomorrow. What a bummer I know. But that is life. Just wanted to thank you all for staying up with me and making this such a memorable evening. If you havn't seen my jokes, go nuts. And to all of you who are just now getting up.....Good night.

So, am I joking? hehehe love all of ya!

2007-02-04 19:54:59 · 13 answers · asked by ? 3

Solve the puzzle " A thing which comes once in a year, twice in a month, four times a week and six times a day". Plz reply if u know the answer

2007-02-04 19:52:37 · 22 answers · asked by sunderr 1

a hot blonde walks into a bar and sits next to a guy watching the evening news on television. the news report is of a guy who is teetering on the top of a building threatening to jump. the guy turns to the blonde and says, i bet u 100 bucks he doesnt jump! the guy on the news jumps but the guy in the bar feels bad and confesses he had the seen the report on an earlier broadcast. to which the blonde replies, so did i , i just didnt think he would jump again!!

2007-02-04 19:42:48 · 11 answers · asked by sydneygal 6

2007-02-04 19:29:21 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous