I need jokes which are less than 100 words, but really funny. the more the better.?

Question

or you can tell me a place where i can get them.
thank you.

not erotic jokes, please.

and the shorter,the better.

Answer 1

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off, go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.

Answer 2

The winner, submitted by Gurpal Gosall, of Manchester, England was:

“ A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?" ”

The second place finisher and early leader was this joke, submitted by Geoff Anandappa of Blackpool, England:

“ Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute.

"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"
”

While this was the top joke in the UK:

“ A woman gets on a bus with her baby.
The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!"

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!"

The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
”

And in Australia the top joke was as follows:

“ This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?"
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight."

THIS JOKE FROM WIKIPEDIA. YOU CAN SEARCH MORE BY YOURSELF. THERE ARE A LOT OF JOKES THAT WILL MAKES YOU LAUGH....

Answer 3

An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young man walked up to the bench and sat down. He had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, blue, and yellow.The old man just stared. Every time the young man looked, the old man was staring. The young man finally said sarcastically, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?" Without batting an eye, the old man replied, "Got drunk once and made love with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."

Answer 4

Little johnny wanted to be smarter, so he asked his big brother to help. The brother got some rabbit poop told him they were smartening pills. Johnny took some, and the next day,said, hey, they taste like poop. Big brother said, See your getting smarter already.

Answer 5

One day, a bread was walking in the street.. he felt very hungry, so he ate himself finally.

Answer 6

A blonde gets pulled over by the highway patrol..The cop says can i see your license? she says...what's that? the cop says its that card in your wallet with your picture on it. the blonde says ...oh i have one of those..so she shows it to him. The cop then asks her for her registration...she says..well, what's that? The cop says, its the card in your glove box that says you own your car..she says...ive got one of those. the cop looks at her and thinks..can she possibly be this stupid? so he unzips his fly. the blond looks at him and sighs...oh, no....not another breathalyzer!!!

Answer 7

what does micael jackson n nintendo have in common?

both are made up of plastic n kids turn them on.....



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there was a very well diciplined indian boy in us who did what his parents said. one day he went to his friend's house and saw that he was swearing at his parents and screaming at them and they did nth. he asked him and found out abt child seervice. he decided to be bad and went home. when he reached home, his dad said son go clean the toilet. he replied "f-u. go clean the m.f. toilet urself".
dad - "wat did you say".
son - "u cant harm me. i have child service"
dad goes up and gets his gun n says "it takes 15 minutes for the child service to come and by that time somebody will get in trouble"

Answer 8

what does an 80 yr old woman have between her breasts that a 20 yr old doesn't---- her navel

Answer 9

i know its sexist but..
'how does a blonde/essex girl keep her ankles warm?'

'with her knickers'

hahahaha...

Answer 10

BOOM! hahahahaha... <- very funny. lol