the more the better. can someone help me? thank you.
not erotic jokes, please.
2007-02-04 22:04:16 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
each joke should be less than 100 words.sorry.
short jokes, i need.
2007-02-04 22:35:27 · update #1
AJIT : Robert, Test Match mein kyaa ho raha hai ?
Robert : Boss, Vivian Richards chhakke pe chhakke maar raha hai.
Ajit: Saaleh ko sabak sikhana padega.
Lunch break mein usse phone milana.
Robert : Yes Boss.
AJIT : (on phone, to Richards): Veeveeyun Reechards,
tumhari Maa hamare kabze mein hai …….
(Scene - Ajit get’s hold of his favourite hero & then directs his chela.)
AJIT : Maikal, Is saale ke ek haath mein laal aur doosre haath mein hara rang laga do.
Maikal : Lekin kyon baas?
AJIT : Bewakoof, itnaa bhi nahin jaanta? Jab pulice yehaan aayegi to ise range haathon pakad legi. he he he
********************************************************************
PROFESSOR : Gandhi Jayanti ke baray mein kya jantey ho?
MUNNA BHAI : Gandhi bahut jabardast aadmi tha, Baap. Maa Kasam, par apun ko yeh nehin malum ke yeh Jayanti kaun hai.
********************************************************************
CIRCUIT : Bhai, Bapu NE bola tha ke kabhi jhoot nehin bolna mangta hai. Apun aaj se kabhi jhoot nehin bolega Bhai.
MUNNA BHAI : Aye Circuit, who Sunita ka baap aya hai terayko dund rehla hai.
CIRCUIT : Bhai usko bolo apun gaon gaya hai, kheti karneko.
MUNNA BHAI : Par Circuit, abhi to TU bola kabhi jhoot nehin bolega.
CIRCUIT : Bhai, apun jhoot nehin bolega, par tum to bol sakta hai na.
***********************************************************************
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
She tripped on the cordless phone
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept
At the bottom of the application where it says “sign here”, she put Leo
If she spoke her mind, she would be speechless
When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved
*********************************************************
Q : Why are blonde jokes so short?
A : So men can remember them.
Q : Why do men like blonde jokes so much?
A : Because they can understand them
Q : How do you make a blonde’s eyes twinkle?
A : Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q : What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A : They’re both empty from the neck up.
Q : Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A : From crawling across the street when the sign said “DON’T WALK”
Q : Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
A : So she wouldn’t wake up the sleeping pills
Q : What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A : Far-from-thinking
Q : Why can’t blondes put in light bulbs?
A : They keep breaking them with the hammers.
Q : What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
A : She slipped off and fell down the drain
Q : Why did the blonde dye her hair red?
A : Instant Intelligence!
Q : Why do blondes drive BMWs?
A : Because they can spell it
Q : Did you hear about the blonde that got an AM radio?
A : It took her months to figure out she could use it at night!
Q : Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice?
A : Because it said “concentrate”
Q : What do you call 9 blondes standing in a circle?
A : A dope ring
Q : Why can’t blondes be pharmacists?
A : Because they can t fit the bottle in the typewriter
Q : What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
A: OH, LOOK!! Donut seeds!!
Q: What are two reasons why blondes don’t mind their own business?
A : No mind. No business
Q :Why did 18 blondes go to a movie?
A : Because below 18 was not allowed
***********************************************************
Two blondes were driving to Tokyo Disneyland when they saw a sign that read, “Tokyo Disneyland Left”, so they turned around and went home
2007-02-09 21:25:38 · answer #1 · answered by xxsanxx 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1
2016-05-24 17:38:22 · answer #2 · answered by MarilynAnn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Rules For Women
This is a list of rules that guys wished women knew...
(In response to the popular "A Woman's 50 Rules for Men")
1. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
2. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
3. Don't make us guess.
4. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
5. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
6. He's never thinking about "The Relationship."
7. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.
8. Dogs are better than cats.
9. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
10. Shopping is not everybody's idea of a good time.
11. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
12. You have enough clothes.
13. You have too many shoes.
14. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
15. Your brother is an idiot.
16. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
17. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
18. Share the bathroom
19. Share the closet.
20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
21. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
22. Nothing says 'I love you' like sex in the morning.
23. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
24. Check your oil.
25. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
26. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
27. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
28. Yes, pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
29. Yes, and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
30. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
31. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
33. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
34. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done-not both.
35. Women wearing Wonder bras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
36. Don't make 50 rules when 36 will do.
2007-02-12 21:34:13 · answer #3 · answered by daniel a 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. "Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."
"Very good!" said the teacher. "Now, who said, 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?'"
Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!"
She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!"
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Pedro answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
Now, with almost a mob hysteria, the teacher said, "If you say anything else, I'll kill you!"
Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."
The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, "Oh ****, we're in BIG trouble now!"
Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."
2007-02-04 22:29:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 0⤋
A chap became increasingly concerned that at the end of his life, he might go down to the hot place, rather than up to where the angels live. He sought advice from his priest, who advised him immediately to quit smking and drinking, and to abstain from sex, to assure his place.
A week late the priest asked him how it was going.
"Fine father, quitting smoking and drinking was easy...."
"And the sex?" asked the priest.
"That was tougher father. Yesterday I caught my wife rummaging in the deep freeze and I crept up, lifted her skirt, and I guess you can imagine the rest."
"They are not impressed with that sort of behaviour up in heaven my son" said the priest.
Replied the man "You're probably right, because it didn't go down that well in Tesco's either."
2007-02-04 22:27:56 · answer #5 · answered by Ross H 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A man walks into a bar with a steaming steak and kidney pie perched on his head. When asked by the bartender
" excuse me mate, just wondering why youve got a steak and kidney pie on his your head"
The man looks at him in utter amazement as if he asked the stupidest question in the world.
" look kid I always have a steak and kidney pie on my head on a thursday"
Barman replies " ohhh. right you are then. but err its wednesday today."
the man looks aghast " jesus i must look a right ****"
2007-02-11 20:51:54 · answer #6 · answered by cian g 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man walked into a bar. He should have ducked.
A horse walked into a bar. The bartender asked, "Why the long face?"
2007-02-11 14:24:11 · answer #7 · answered by Oscar Fish 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I got pulled over the other day for running a stop stign. the cop asked me why did I run the sign, if I didn't know what it meant. I said, of course I know what it meant. "Stupid Trooper On Patrol". mo.
2007-02-11 06:23:32 · answer #8 · answered by Mo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this has actually happend to me in splinter cell on the PS2 and i was a level where i had to deactive the laser grid. so anyway there where two set of stairs one on the left and one on the right and right beneathe it was an officer standing by the his desk and there was a patroling guard who goind left and right. i waited till the patroling guard went all the way to the right side of the stairs to kill the officer at the desk sense it was pretty far away, so i drew out my pistol and i kept on shooting at the officer who wasn't too far from me but i kept missing and i finaly killed him and had 2 rounds left and shot one round at the patroling guard who was pretty far away but i manage to kill him with just one shot in the head from such a great distance!
2007-02-12 06:31:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
A baby seal walked into a club.
Q. Why wouldn't they let Hellen Keller drive?
A. She was a woman.
2007-02-11 12:07:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋