Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

A man is playing in the park. He runs all the way home. On the way, he meets a man in a mask. He never makes it home. Why?

2007-02-09 04:25:27 · 5 answers · asked by skeets0001 2

When a man fights with his wife all day, he will get no piece at night.

2007-02-09 04:24:47 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

One fine day in the middle of the night,

Two dead boys got up to fight,

Back to back they faced each other,

Drew their swords and shot each other,


One was blind and the other couldn't, see

So they chose a dummy for a referee.

A blind man went to see fair play,

A dumb man went to shout "hooray!"


A paralysed donkey passing by,

Kicked the blind man in the eye,

Knocked him through a nine inch wall,

Into a dry ditch and drowned them all,


A deaf policeman heard the noise,

And came to arrest the two dead boys,

If you don't believe this story’s true,

Ask the blind man he saw it too!

2007-02-09 04:22:54 · 10 answers · asked by Babe, pig in the city ;) 3

You should not fish in another man's well as you may catch crabs.

2007-02-09 04:22:29 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

I thought I'd ask, just for the hoot!

2007-02-09 04:19:11 · 14 answers · asked by Chris W 4

Ok my ex recently decided after 10 months of me not contacting her, because her sister said they'd get the police if i did...i still don't know why, decided to egg my house, which i suspect was her new guys work. I need a much better and cunning way to get back at her lol does anyone have a good idea. I'd rather get back at them rather than her house/family like they did.

2007-02-09 03:57:08 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-09 03:52:27 · 9 answers · asked by aliciabar956 1

Two honeymooning ducks are staying in a hotel.

As they are about to make love, the male duck says, “We don’t have any condoms. I''ll call room service.”

So he calls and asks for condoms.

The receptionist says, "OK sir, would you like to put them on your bill?"
"Dont be stupid!" he says "I'll suffocate!"

2007-02-09 03:52:17 · 27 answers · asked by Jay A 3

O O O

O O O

O O O


(lets pretent that tose are dots)

2007-02-09 03:51:04 · 6 answers · asked by I can be your Juliet 1

2007-02-09 03:43:11 · 4 answers · asked by sonu.rajawat 1

A man was unemployed and bored, so he decided to sunbathe in the nude. His pen!s got badly burned, due to the fact it had never before seen the sun.

His wife - who was blonde - came home that night and they had sex.

While his wife slept, he looked for relief from the sting. He went to the refrigerator to find something cold to put on his body and only found milk. He poured some in a glass and dipped his pen!s into it.

At this moment his wife came bounding into the room, slapped the side of her head and marveled "So that's how you load the thing!"

2007-02-09 03:34:47 · 18 answers · asked by Jay A 3

-Yo mommas so fat, when she turns around, people give her a welcome back party!
-Yo mommas fat she jumped up in the air and got stuck.
-Yo mommas so fat she went bungee jumping and went strait to hell!
-Yo mommas so fat, Bill Gates couldn't offord her fat.
-Yo mommas so fat shes on both side of the family.

2007-02-09 03:33:47 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

A boy goes to the drug store with his dad and sees the condom display.
Boy: "Dad, why do they do packs of one condom?"

Dad: "Those are for the high-schoolers for Friday nights."

Boy: "So, why do they make packs of three?"

Dad: "For the college guys for Friday, Saturday and Sunday nights."

Boy: "Then why do they make packs of 12?"

Dad: "Those are for married couples -- you know, January, February, March."

2007-02-09 03:27:38 · 13 answers · asked by Jay A 3

Once there was a millionaire, who collected live alligators. He kept them in the pool in back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day he decides to throw a huge party, and during the party he announces, "My dear guests . . . I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge alive!"

As soon as he finished his last word, there was the sound of a large splash!! There was one guy in the pool swimming with all he could and screaming out of fear. The crowd cheered him on as he kept stroking as though he was running for his life. Finally, he made it to the other side with only a torn shirt and some minor injuries. The millionaire was impressed.

He said, "My boy that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well I must keep my end of the bargain. Do you want my daughter or the one million dollars?"

The guy says, "Listen, I don't want your money, nor do I want your daughter! I want the person who pushed me in that water!"

2007-02-09 03:25:10 · 12 answers · asked by Smurf 7

2007-02-09 03:22:22 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-09 03:19:57 · 9 answers · asked by e-non-o-moss 1

you are saleh

2007-02-09 03:15:21 · 2 answers · asked by avge 1

There are four gay guys in a hot tub when a condom floats up in the middle.

What do they say?

"Who farted?"

2007-02-09 03:14:32 · 18 answers · asked by Jay A 3

Jon's working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the buzz saw, and accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He goes to the emergency room.
The doctor says, "Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and I'll see what I can do."

Jon says, "I haven't got the fingers."

The doctor says, "What do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? It's 2007. We've got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and made you like new. Why didn't you bring the fingers?"

Jon says, "Well, hell, Doc, I couldn't pick 'em up."

2007-02-09 03:09:57 · 12 answers · asked by Smurf 7

whats a good joke?

2007-02-09 03:07:56 · 4 answers · asked by Anthony W 1

My six-year-old son called his mother from his friend Charlie's house and confessed he had broken a lamp when he threw a football in their living room.

"But, Mom," he said, brightening, "you don't have to worry about buying another one. Charlie's mother said it was irreplaceable."

2007-02-09 03:02:36 · 15 answers · asked by Smurf 7

My little brother got me with this one and I was so upset cuz he's only 13. I was so surprized that something like this came out of his mouth.

I was falling asleep in the recliner in the living room when my brother crawled up beside the chair and grabbed my hand.

He said, "One, Two, Three, Four I declare a thumb war.......Five, Six, Seven, Eight I use this hand to masturbate.

I was so shocked, my baby brother said that. But I have to admit that he caught me off guard and it was hilarious.

2007-02-09 03:00:36 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

Not the whoope cushion
something thats homemade for exsample fart powder does any one know how to make it homemade.
Please help earn your self a 5 star

2007-02-09 02:59:21 · 4 answers · asked by Shizzy T 1

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight mini skirt was waiting for a bus. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't.So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, a large Alabama man who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.

2007-02-09 02:48:52 · 25 answers · asked by Jodi C 5

an angry man married to an angry woman , when she was pregnant , the doctor was getting the baby out , the baby said : get lost , i will get out myself

2007-02-09 02:48:49 · 24 answers · asked by Luv Rulz 4

OK. I've reached my birth year concerning my Yahoo! points prior to asking this question. How old am I?

2007-02-09 02:44:52 · 41 answers · asked by Krazykraut 3

2007-02-09 02:37:20 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

A woman was telling her friend "i was the one that made my husband a millionaire, what was he when you married him; asked the friend, a billionaire.

2007-02-09 02:36:40 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

RIVER WALK
There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?"
The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side."
AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.
"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."
The redhead took her
finger, pushed o n her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.
The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?
"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."
"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."
KNITTING
A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER! "
"NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"
BLONDE ON THE SUN
A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"
The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"
The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"
The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.
To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"
IN A VACUUM
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"

FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!
A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?"
"HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"

2007-02-09 02:36:08 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking....... and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says "Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????"
CAR TROUBLE
A blonde pushes her BMW in to a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, "What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor"
She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"
SPEEDING TICKET
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!"

2007-02-09 02:34:17 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous