Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

eg:- I is................anything ,can you put in front to this sentence .

2007-02-08 21:30:44 · 27 answers · asked by ikshu g 1

1,000 dead babies because you can use a pitch fork!

2007-02-08 21:17:39 · 11 answers · asked by gus_zalenski 5

i don't know how to answer

2007-02-08 21:16:03 · 12 answers · asked by eha82 1

i posted this yesterday and people loved it now some had it violated removed and 10 points deducted should be able to see who complains about our jokes? A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him. "Father, I have a
>problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one
>thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired.
>They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?"
>"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, Then he thought for a moment.
>"You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have
>two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible.
>Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the
>cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to
>praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying . . that
>phrase in no time."
>"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the
>solution."
>
>The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As
>he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their
>cage holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and
>placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female
>parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have
>some fun?" There was stunned silence.
>Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and
>exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been
>answered!"

2007-02-08 21:14:14 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous

Hey Um..I kno we havent spoken in awhile and all and well, I really shouldnt be askin u this.. I feel shy, but I want it so bad, dont get me wrong its just that I havent had it 4 a long time. I could already feel it goin in so hard n coming out so soft and wet. No one has 2 know about this. I need it. Im desperate, but ur help can be very grateful... u must think I have a lot of nerve askin u 4 this, but I can feel my tongue around it suckin all the juice out until theres no more left, this has been on my mind all day long and I hope Im not bein forward, I'm usualy not like this, but um....







can I have a piece of GUM??

2007-02-08 21:00:13 · 12 answers · asked by onearkansasmommy 3

A coffin!

2007-02-08 20:54:09 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-08 20:52:53 · 11 answers · asked by shanell 2

This letter was recently sent by Tesco's Head Office to a customer in Oxford:
Dear Mrs. Murray,
>
> While we thank you for your valued custom and use of the Tesco Loyalty Card, the Manager of our store in Banbury is considering banning you and your family from shopping with us, unless your husband stops his antics.
>
> Below is a list of offences over the past few months all verified by our surveillance cameras:
>
> 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they weren't looking.
>
> 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
>
> 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.
>
> 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, "Code 3" in housewares..... and watched what happened.
>
> 5. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
>
> 6. September 15: Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and told shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.
>
> 7. September 23: When the Deputy Manager asked if she could help him, he began to cry and asked, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"
>
> 8. October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, picked his nose, and ate it.
>
> 9. November 10: While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle asked an assistant if he knew where the antidepressants were.
>
> 10. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.
>
> 11. December 6: In the kitchenware aisle, practised the "Madonna look" using different size funnels.
>
> 12. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"
>
> 13. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, assumed the foetal position and screamed "NO! NO! It's those voices again."
>
> And; last, but not least:
>
> 14. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited a while; then yelled, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."
>
> Yours
> sincerely,
> Charles Brown
> Store Manager
>
sounds like a fun sorta bloke

2007-02-08 20:04:09 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous

"Doc," says Steve, "I want to be castrated."

"What on earth for?" asks the doctor in amazement.

"It's something I've been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.

"But have you thought it through properly?" asks the doctor, "It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there's no going back. It'll change your life forever!"

"I'm aware of that and you're not going to change my mind---either you book me in to be castrated or I'll simply go to another doctor."

"Well, OK," says the doctor, "But it's against my better judgment!"

So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.

"Hi there," says Steve, "It looks as if you've just had the same operation as me."

"Well," said the patient, "I finally decided after 37 years of life that I would like to be circumcised."

Steve stared at him in horror and screamed, "****! THAT'S the word!"

2007-02-08 19:57:37 · 3 answers · asked by Lori 4

Men-opause.
Men-strual pain.
Men-tal illness.
Guy-naecologist. (Gynaecologist)
His-terectomy. (Hysterectomy)





Have you ever noticed that all women’s problems start with a man!?

2007-02-08 19:50:57 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous

You can have as much of IT as you want as long as IT is free BUT if you pay for IT you can be arrested. What is IT?

2007-02-08 19:44:21 · 6 answers · asked by hockey 2

start the thinkin' or hope u gud in math lol

(HERE'S THE RIDDLE)


At noon and midnight the hour and minute hands are exactly coincident with each other. How many other times between noon and midnight do the hour and minute hands cross?

2007-02-08 19:32:22 · 12 answers · asked by NU JERZY MAMA 2

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.Her boss concerned about all his employees well being asked sympathetically,"What's the matter?" To which she replies..."Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away." The boss feeling very sorry at this point explains to the young girl,"Why don't you go home for the day...we aren't terribly busy just take the day off to relax and rest."The blonde very calmly states..."No..I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here." The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual..."If you need anything just let me know." Well...a few hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde...he looks out over his office and sees the blonde hysterically crying!!! He rushes out to her asking,"What's so bad now... are you gonna be okay?? "No..." exclaims the blonde,"I just received a call from my sister and she said that her mother died too!!"

2007-02-08 19:26:51 · 11 answers · asked by Ms. Q & A 3

if i didnt c the answer i would've never known lol
(HERE'S THE RIDDLE)

In the basement there are 3 light switches in the off position. Each switch controls 1 of 3 light bulbs on the floor above. You may move any of the switches, but you may only go up stairs one time. How can you determine which switch controls each light?

2007-02-08 19:21:57 · 12 answers · asked by NU JERZY MAMA 2

http://www.goyk.com/video.asp?path=665

2007-02-08 19:16:08 · 19 answers · asked by quilm 3

if there's 3 apple'z & u took 2... how many appl3z do u have?

2007-02-08 19:13:11 · 12 answers · asked by NU JERZY MAMA 2

How many flowers do I have if all of them are roses except two, all of them are tulips except two, and all of them are daisies except two?

2007-02-08 19:08:10 · 19 answers · asked by Kate P 2

1) There was a red head, brunette, and a blonde driving in a convertible car. They were driving to fast and flew over a gaurd rail and they landed in a river. The red head and the brunette float up to the surface. Why didn't the blonde?

-Her door was locked!




2) A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."


3) A Blonde who got a fishing rod for her birthday and decided to go ice fishing. So early the next morning she got all her gear and headed out. When she reached her destination she cut a hole in the ice and dipped the rod in. Then suddenly she heard a voice that said:"there's no fish in there". So she moves to another spot and cuts another hole, then the same voice spoke again and told her there were no fish there. So she moves again and the voice tells he

2007-02-08 19:03:09 · 17 answers · asked by Ms. Q & A 3

Her son is on the box of Wheaties.

Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

Her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

2007-02-08 18:58:43 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous

They are the only ones who erase their notebook when the teacher erases the board.

2007-02-08 18:56:40 · 11 answers · asked by Ms. Q & A 3

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger. They tried and tried to get the door open, but they couldn't. The girl with the coat hanger stopped for a moment to catch her breath, and her friend said anxiously, "Hurry up! It's starting to rain and the top is down."

2007-02-08 18:52:48 · 13 answers · asked by Ms. Q & A 3

You want to get to the hospital that was opposite where you are right now...To get there u need to cross the road but there is no zebra crossing, traffic lights and overhead bridge, underpass for you to cross. And there are lot of cars drving pass...What the fastest way you could go there?

2007-02-08 18:49:50 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

Ring...
Ring...

*click*

Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.

If you are codependent, please ask someone to press 2.

If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.

Thank you for calling.

2007-02-08 18:44:05 · 16 answers · asked by Lori 4

A good samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the drunk "do you live here?" "Yep". "Would you like me to help you upstairs?" "Yep". When they got up on the second floor, the good person asked "Is this your floor?" "Yep".
Then the good samaritan got to thinking that maybe he didn't want to face the man's irate and tired wife because she may think he was the one who got the man drunk. So, he opened the first door he came to and shoved him through, then went back downstairs. However, when he went back outside, there was another drunk. So he asked that drunk "Do you live here?" "Yep". "Would you like me to help you upstairs?" "Yep". So he did and put him in the same door with the first drunk. Then went back downstairs.
Where, to his surprise, there was another drunk. So he started over to him. But before he got to him, the drunk staggered over to a policeman and cried "Please officer, protect me from this man.....

2007-02-08 18:42:11 · 8 answers · asked by *♥short~sh!t♥* 3

There is no difference. The violin just looks smaller because the violinist's head is so much bigger.

2007-02-08 18:41:02 · 12 answers · asked by Ms. Q & A 3

A farmer is returning from market, where he bought a she-goat, a wolf and cabbage. On the way home he must cross a river. His boat is little, allowing him to take only one of the three things. He can't keep the she-goat and the cabbage together (because the she-goat would eat it), nor the she-goat with the wolf (because the she-goat would be eaten).
How shall the farmer get everything on the other side (without any harm)?

2007-02-08 18:40:13 · 6 answers · asked by Kate P 2

2007-02-08 18:35:38 · 4 answers · asked by ancientcityentertainment 2

A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102.

Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old.

The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly.

The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out.

You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley.

I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France."

The new man asked, "What happened?"

"One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!"

2007-02-08 18:22:50 · 7 answers · asked by Ms. Q & A 3

policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?"

The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?"

2007-02-08 18:19:55 · 7 answers · asked by Ms. Q & A 3

..."OK, you may masturbate on me - but, that's all about it - No touch my hand, you f***"

2007-02-08 18:14:30 · 17 answers · asked by quilm 3