Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

... and he asks his dad, "What are you and mom doing?" His dad stops banging his wife, jumps up, and says quickly, "Your mother and I were making cakes." The little boy looks at him and says, "You were making cakes? Ok."

A few days later, the dad comes home from work and sees his son licking the kitchen table. "Son," he asks, "what are you doing?" The little boy replies, "Well, I saw you and mom making cakes on the kitchen table this morning, so now I am licking up the frosting."

2007-02-09 10:09:41 · 26 answers · asked by Dutchcrunch 2

2007-02-09 10:05:36 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

A begger's brother died, but the man who died had no brother. How could this be?

2007-02-09 10:02:31 · 8 answers · asked by pollywollydoda 3

Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals."

Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.

Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it."

Yo mama so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.

Yo mama so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower

Yo mama so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

Yo mama so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck

Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

Yo mama so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras

Yo mama so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her

Yo mama so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say "Wow, is it Halloween already?"

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2007-02-09 10:02:00 · 7 answers · asked by .:{LyNdZ-aY Lo0}:. 2

A hole leading in, a hole leading out, we connect to a cavern that is slimey all throughout. What are we?

2007-02-09 10:00:17 · 4 answers · asked by pollywollydoda 3

i pulled my pants down once and farted in someones face while he was sat down just after i had spent a whole day rideing my moto cross bike so i was really sweaty and he said some of my bum sweat sprayed on his face. has anybody ever done anything as disgusting as that.

2007-02-09 09:58:13 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-09 09:51:51 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

Yo mama so greasy she used bacon as a band-aid!

Yo mama so greasy she sweats Crisco!

Yo mama so greasy Texaco buys Oil from her

Yo mama so greasy her freckles slipped off.

Yo mama so greasy the Chip Shop uses her sweat as Deep Fry

Yo mama so greasy she sweats butter, syrup, excretes jam...and has a full time job at the 'Pancake Palace' wiping pancakes across her forheed

Yo mama so greasy her idea of bottled water is the left over oil slime from a bacon, sausage and egg fry up.

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2007-02-09 09:48:19 · 13 answers · asked by .:{LyNdZ-aY Lo0}:. 2

2007-02-09 09:47:50 · 9 answers · asked by pushykittie_420 1

my mom got us these blue man group tickets because she saw them in las vegas and said they were really good. im 10, so will i like the show?

2007-02-09 09:45:46 · 14 answers · asked by Luv2flip:) 1

I need the answer to this riddle.

2007-02-09 09:41:43 · 10 answers · asked by CLD 1

He showed up on time.

2007-02-09 09:33:07 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-09 09:32:50 · 7 answers · asked by .:{LyNdZ-aY Lo0}:. 2

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

2007-02-09 09:23:56 · 32 answers · asked by Tink 5

2007-02-09 09:10:44 · 19 answers · asked by Ted S 1

2007-02-09 09:09:03 · 8 answers · asked by xzorcist00 2

can some one tell me some riddles???

2007-02-09 09:08:42 · 2 answers · asked by Anonymous

I need something lol funny.

2007-02-09 09:05:30 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-09 09:00:04 · 3 answers · asked by mr_sister_uk 3

A man is running down a hallway in a suit carrying a briefcase. The lights flicker. He curses, turns around and leaves. What happened?

2007-02-09 08:45:51 · 21 answers · asked by Winette 5

Ingredients for me:
1 cup of Magic
2tbl spoons of Love
A pinch of Fantasy
:)

2007-02-09 08:44:46 · 8 answers · asked by Coni M 1

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, father, what causes arthritis?"
"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."

"Well I'll be." the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long did you have arthritis?"

"I don't have it father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

2007-02-09 08:43:56 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

You go in one hole and come out 3.

what is it?

2007-02-09 08:40:49 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous

If a tree fell in a forest with no-one to hear it,would it make a sound?

2007-02-09 08:39:19 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous

Mine is: Right when you think everything is going okay, a thorn pokes you on the thumb (thorn i mean on a rose).

2007-02-09 08:30:25 · 15 answers · asked by Temperance 1

2007-02-09 08:15:07 · 7 answers · asked by ••●bizeb●•• 2

1) He never talks to you yet you know he is there.
2) Answers all complicted mathematical questions but cannot do a step 2 on its own.
3) He or she is someone who you least expect. You can search for him/her all over the world but you will never find him/her
4) bitter on the outside.
5) long and hairy
6) feeble and weak. The size of two pencil cases. But it is more empty than a vacuum.

PS: I will tell you all the anwers in the end- the person with the most correct answer will be chosen as the best answer and will prove superior.

2007-02-09 08:14:27 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

1) He never talks to you yet you know he is there.
2) Answers all complicted mathematical questions but cannot do a step 2 on its own.
3) He or she is someone who you least expect. You can search for him/her all over the world but you will never find him/her
4) bitter on the outside.
5) long and hairy
6) feeble and weak. The size of two pencil cases. But it is more empty than a vacuum.

PS: I will tell you all the anwers in the end- the person with the most correct answer will be chosen as the best answer and will prove superior.

2007-02-09 08:13:35 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

Y answers.

2007-02-09 08:13:25 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.

"But, officer," the man began, "I can explain"

"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."

"But, officer, I just wanted to say"

"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"

A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

2007-02-09 08:02:45 · 2 answers · asked by a 1