Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

Before answering think twice!

2007-02-09 05:55:46 · 17 answers · asked by Wind Chime 4

An American tourist calls in at an Irish pub. "Sorry Sir, but we don't open until Midday. You're quite welcome to sit here though" The tourist finds a corner seat. After about ten minutes the landlord looks from cleaning the glasses and says "Would you like a drink while you're waiting?"

2007-02-09 05:54:55 · 12 answers · asked by poppy vox 4

what do you call a room with no floor walls or ceiling?

there is a house with all four walls on the south side of the building. where is the house?

2007-02-09 05:54:50 · 8 answers · asked by God loves you 2

A man is sitting inside the cab of his semi when a blond knock on the window and says, " hi im jane and your losing your load." The light turns green and he leaves. At the next stoplight the blond comes back and says," hi im jane and your losing your load. the driver leaves and speeds to the next light. gets out goes to the blonds car and says , "Hi im ken its winter in Kansas and i driving the sanding truck

2007-02-09 05:50:17 · 10 answers · asked by Z K 2

She was tired of everyone thinking that blondes were stupid, and she didn't like all these jokes. To end the injustice, she decided to prove to the world that she was smart.

In order to prove herself, she chose to memorize the capital of every American state. It wasn't an easy task, but she was determined and eventually managed to do it.

A few days later she was in a bar, and heard a couple of men laughing at a blonde joke. This was the perfect opportunity to start righting all the wrongs that had been done to blondes in the past - she would set these men straight!

Marching over at a rapid pace she announced,
"It isn't true that all blondes are stupid, and I will prove it. Just ask me the capital of any American state, and I will tell you what it is."

Although a little surprised, the men did challenge her and asked,
"Ok, how about Arizona?"

The Blonde, after pausing for a moments thought, proudly gave the answer,
"A"!

2007-02-09 05:49:18 · 12 answers · asked by Rascal_Flatts_Fanatic! 2

Hey if anybody knows the answer to this Q I would like to laugh with you!!!

2007-02-09 05:47:10 · 12 answers · asked by Butterfli a 2

2007-02-09 05:46:36 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-09 05:45:19 · 15 answers · asked by Jai 3

Ok there is a dead guy in a room. The room is 10 feet by 10 feet and 15 feet high. There is nothing but a light, puddle of water, the body and the rope he's hanging from. How did the man do it?

2007-02-09 05:44:29 · 7 answers · asked by Cryptosopher 4

It's important to have back up job skills... A gynecologist had become fed
up with malpractice insurance and was on the verge of being burned out.
Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he
decided to change careers and become a mechanic. He found out from
the local technical college what was involved, signed up for evening classes,
attended diligently, and learned all he could. When the time for the
practical exam approached, the gynecologist prepared carefully for
weeks, and completed the exam with tremendous skill.
When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had
obtained a score of 150%.
Fearing an error, he called the instructor, saying, "I don't want
to, appear ungrateful for such an outstanding result, but I wondered if
there had been an error which needed adjusting."
The instructor said "during the exam, you took the engine apart
perfectly, which was worth 50% of the total mark. You put the engine back
together again perfectly, which is also worth 50% of the mark."
The instructor went on to say, "I gave you an extra 50% because you
did all of it through the muffler."

2007-02-09 05:42:38 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous

One sunny morning Mummy Balloon, Daddy Balloon and Baby Balloon were all snuggled up together in bed. Daddy balloon wakes up and says to baby balloon “I’ve had enough of this, you are not to get into bed with us anymore, there just isn’t enough room for the three of us in this bed!” So baby balloon went of to his own bedroom.

The next night baby balloon was feeling lonely so he decided to go back into his mum and dads bed. He crept into their room and before getting into bed just to make sure he didn’t disturb dad he got hold of mums toggle and let some air out. He then let some out of dad and finally got his own toggle and let some air out. This was just enough for him to squeeze in between mum and dad.

In the morning dad woke up to find baby balloon in bed with them again. He woke up baby balloon and yelled out, “I thought I told you not to come in here with us again, you’ve let your mother down, you’ve let me down, but most of all you let yourself down!”

2007-02-09 05:37:49 · 12 answers · asked by Cool Breeze 2

chuck, howl, hoot....


Yes, I love the thesaurus, it's my favorite dinosaur.

2007-02-09 05:36:54 · 15 answers · asked by Unexpectedly George 4

A cop was patrolling late at night in a well-known spot.
He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing.
The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.
Then he sees a young man behind the wheel, reading a computer
magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, knitting.
Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and
gently raps on the driver's window.
The young man lowers his window. "Uh, yes, officer?"
The cop says: "What are you doing?"
The young man says: "Well Officer, I'm reading a magazine."
Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says:
"And her, what is she doing?"
The young man shrugs: "Sir, I believe she's knitting a pull over sweater."
Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple, alone, in a car,

at night in a Lover's lane...and nothing obscene is happening!
The cop asks: "What's your age, young man?" The young man says "I'm 22, sir."
The cop asks: "And her...what's her age?"
The young man looks at his watch and replies: "She'll be 18 in 11 minutes.

2007-02-09 05:36:48 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption.
One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan. " Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

2007-02-09 05:32:43 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

A woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a
coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his
bedside every single day. One day, he motioned for her to come nearer
She sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You
know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me.
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side...You know what?"
"What dear?" she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
"I think you're bad luck, get the hell away from me."

2007-02-09 05:31:12 · 4 answers · asked by Anonymous

and pick yourself as the best answer every time?

2007-02-09 05:08:59 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous

With these three givens,

2 x 5 = 5
6 x 2 = 4
7 x 3 = 2

Fill in the blank with the correct value, and explain how you got your answer:

8 x 1 = _____ _____________________________________________



This problem was presented to 1,000 mathematicians at a recent conference. Not one of them figured it out....until the presenter said that "the average 3rd grader would have no problem figuring this out".....then most of them were able to arrive at the correct answer.

------

My boss emailed this to me and my coworkers this afternoon, and NONE of us can figure it out. Throw me a bone!!

2007-02-09 05:03:34 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

A man, getting along in years, finds that he is unable
to perform sexually. He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few
things, but nothing seems to work. Finally, as a last hope, the
doctor refers him to an African medicine man. The medicine man says,
"I can cure this."

With that said, he throws a white powder into a flame,
and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.

Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only
use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall
rise for as long as you wish!"

The man then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I
don't want to continue?" The medicine man replies, "When your partner
can take no more sex and is completely raddled, all she has to say is
'1234', and it will then go down. But be warned, the pork sword will
not
rise again for another year."

2007-02-09 04:59:50 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

can you please include the answer because i need to get some riddles for school, THANKS!

2007-02-09 04:56:38 · 4 answers · asked by I can be your Juliet 1

2007-02-09 04:54:08 · 13 answers · asked by edgar f 1

another quote from the FP....

Man with itchy a*se, has a smelly finger.........

2007-02-09 04:52:06 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous

A nurse was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk rocker entered.

This young woman had purple hair styled into a mohawk, a variety of tattoos and strange clothing.

It was determined that the patient had acute appendicitis and was scheduled for immediate surgery.

When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff found that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it was a tattoo reading, ''Keep off the grass.''

After the prep and the surgery, the surgeon added a small note to the dressing which said, ''Sorry, had to mow the lawn.''

2007-02-09 04:46:55 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous

One Sunday a pastor toldthe congregation that the church needed some extra money and asked the people toprayerfully consider giving a little extra in the offering plate. He said thatwhoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.

After the offering plateswere passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed a $1,000 bill inoffering. He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregationand said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.

A very quiet, elderly,saintly lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to cometo the front. Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderfulit was that she gave so much and in thanksgiving asked her to pick out three hymns.

Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three handsomest men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him."

2007-02-09 04:42:57 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

In the supermarket a fellow shopper said to Bill "I know you, you're that Chris De Burgh" Bill said "Oh, don't say that- I hate Chris De Burgh. I even grew this moustache so I'd look less like him." A month later in a pub, a fellow drinker said to Bill "You're that Chris De Burgh fellow aren't you?" Bill said "Oh no. I really hate Chris De Burgh. I even grew this moustache and dyed my hair blond, to look less like him." To get away from it all, Bill went on hoiday abroad. At his hotel a beautiful girl said to him "Oh, it is you, Chris De Burgh, my favourite. Let's go to my room and make, mad, passionate love all night" Bill looked at her for a second and softly sang- "Never seen you looking as lovely as you......"

2007-02-09 04:42:29 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-09 04:40:46 · 7 answers · asked by jverleda 1

2007-02-09 04:40:23 · 10 answers · asked by daniel m 1

2007-02-09 04:38:17 · 13 answers · asked by KATTI 1

Three buddies are sitting in a bar icusing their wives and upcoming birthdays. One guy said "I think thisd year I will buy wife something that goes from 0-60 in about 4.10 sec."
"What would that be" a friend asks. "Well" he said "the new Corvette Z06".
Another firend chirps in " I am getting my wife something that goes from 4.0 - 4.2 sec. A Viper"
The thrid guy laughs and says " I beat you all. I giving my wife something that goes from 0-200 in under two seconds." "What the hell can do that" They both ask. " A bath room scale" he replies.
****************
This little kid goes to his mom and tells her he saw her and dad and they were both naked. He then adds her say her bouncing up and sown on daddy's belly and she said it is o help push the air out of dads big belly. The little bay tells his mon it won't work. She looks at him puzled and asks why." Well "he tells her, "as soon as she leaves in the morning teh single lady next door comes over and blows it up agian.

2007-02-09 04:37:14 · 4 answers · asked by STEPHEN S 2

Whats green and smells like Miss Piggy???


Kermit the frogs finger??

2007-02-09 04:31:32 · 4 answers · asked by Ghostly Ghost! 3

2007-02-09 04:26:34 · 13 answers · asked by {*} Dudette {*} 1