Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

Sarah has a daughter. Sarah's mothers half sister is called Jane. Jane has son called Brian. Janes father is called Ted. Ted married Mary whose grandson is Brian. Ted also married Vera, whose grand daughter is Sarah's daughter. Brian is Sarah's husband, and the father to Sarah's child.

What relation is Brian to Sarah's mother and Vera...?

2007-02-09 16:39:17 · 17 answers · asked by antonywilkes 1

This is a riddle that I was wandering how many of you could answer.. just for fun

What's greater then God, but worse then the devil. The poor have it, but the rich need it. And if you eat it, you will die.

2007-02-09 16:37:10 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous

YOU HAVE ONLY 2 EGGS & THERE IS A 36 STOREYED BUILDING.NOW U HAVE TO DETERMINE THE STRENGTH OF THE EGGS i.e.,THE HIGHEST FLOOR FROM WHICH IF U DROP THE EGGS,IT WOULD NOT BREAK AND WOULD BREAK IF U DROP FROM THE IMMEDIATE NEXT HIGHER FLOOR.IN OTHER WORDS,IN HOW MANY MINIMUM CHANCES(NOT MAXIMUM)CAN U DETERMINE THE STRENGTH OF THE EGGS?ASSUME THE EGGS HAVE GOOD AMOUNT OF STRENGTH.

2007-02-09 16:34:36 · 8 answers · asked by tarun a 1

A private school recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night. To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls exactly how he cleaned the mirrors each day and how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. There are teachers, and then, there are educators.

2007-02-09 16:34:35 · 8 answers · asked by yagman 7

tell the guy that I like him. There's this 15 year old guy that likes me, there is also a 2 year age difference. I really like him, but I don't know how to tell him. I go to his house a lot, but I am also around his family when I am there. Please help.

2007-02-09 16:27:19 · 7 answers · asked by ♥Super_Colts_Fan♥ 2

A new immigrant from China, Mr. Chong, gets a job at a large office building. The boss greets him on the first day of work and tells him he will be director of supplies for the entire building. He explains this will require constant attention because it will be critical that every office in the building has adequate supplies on a daily basis. Mr. Chong thanks the boss and goes to his office to begin preparing for the next day. The next day Mr. Chong is nowhere to be seen. Calls start coming in from throughout the building because offices are running out of supplies. The boss starts going through the building looking for Mr. Chong and asking if anyone has seen him that day. After serveral hours of looking the boss is about to give up when suddenly a closet door flies open and out jumps Mr. Chong screaming, "SUPPLIES!"

2007-02-09 16:26:16 · 10 answers · asked by yagman 7

A funny tax time joke from other tax friends: A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened.


Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.

When the postal authorities received the letter to God , USA , they decided to send it to the President.

The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.


The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy.

The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read:

Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through

Washington, DC., and those as*holes deducted $95.00 in taxes.

This was forwarded by many people the most original I can find was by a B. Greenwood.

IMHO - lol - J/K

2007-02-09 16:12:25 · 2 answers · asked by Wood Smoke ~ Free2Bme! 6

Three Rednecks were working on a cell phone tower- Cooter, Pete and K.C. As they start their descent Cooter slips, falls off the tower and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Pete says, "Well, someone should go and tell his wife." KC says, "OK, I'm pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I'll do it." Two hours later, he comes back carrying a case of Budweiser. Pete says, "Where did you get that beer, KC?" "Cooter's wife gave it to me," KC replies. "That's unbelievable, you told the lady her husband was dead and she gave you beer?" Well, not exactly", KC says. When she answered the door, I said to her, "You must be Cooter's widow'." She said, "You must be mistaken, I'm not a widow."... then I said "I'll bet you a case of Budweiser you are."

Rednecks Are Good At Sensitive Stuff

2007-02-09 16:00:58 · 15 answers · asked by yagman 7

Three old men were sitting on a park bench comparing notes on the problems of growing old. The first said he couldn't remember the last time he had a good bowel movement. The second one said his problem was more with his bladder and prostate. The third old man laughed and said he must be the lucky one.

"Every morning at seven I pee, and then at eight I have a good dump," he told them. " I just wish I could wake up before nine."

2007-02-09 15:58:30 · 3 answers · asked by Tom Riddle 2

and the cat grabbed it and ran out the door! Here kitty, kitty,........BAD KITTY! What should I do? :(

2007-02-09 15:40:50 · 6 answers · asked by Kooties 5

2007-02-09 15:36:32 · 5 answers · asked by Dee 1

SON: "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
FATHER: "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."

2007-02-09 15:35:07 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous

If some Yips are Yams, and all Zoops are Yips.

Then some Yams must be Zoops.

True or False...?

2007-02-09 15:26:05 · 31 answers · asked by antonywilkes 1

wat is the song called from the new ipod commercial

2007-02-09 14:44:25 · 4 answers · asked by GhostRecon48 2

They like their pages bent over.

2007-02-09 14:42:02 · 7 answers · asked by Jim R 4

Cop goes into the hospital and tells the nurse, I just saw a Mexican guy run out of here waving a knife, what's the problem? The nurse said, His wife just had triplets, he's going to find the other two guys.

2007-02-09 14:40:33 · 17 answers · asked by Jim R 4

Hey give me your best joke ever. It doesn't have to be clean it can be sexist, rascist, blondist (i mean it can be a joke about haricolors), or anything else... no restrictions.
P.S. Make me laugh

2007-02-09 14:36:55 · 8 answers · asked by it's me 3

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

2007-02-09 14:14:40 · 15 answers · asked by Nunya M 4

2007-02-09 14:10:53 · 4 answers · asked by ? 4

1. Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the V.D. Clinic."
2. Man: "Haven't I seen you some place before?"
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
3. Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
4. Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"
5. Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."
6. Man: "I'd really like to get into your pants."
Woman: "No thanks. There's already one a##hole in there."
7. Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."
8. Man: "So what do you do for a living ?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."
9. Man: "Voulez-vous vous coucher avec moi ce soir?"
(Would you like to go to bed with me tonight?)
Woman: "Je voudrais bien, mais je n'ai rien a porter."
(I would love to, but I have nothing to wear.)
10. Man: "What sign were you born under?"
Woman: "No Parking."
11. Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do not Enter" (or) "Stop"
12. Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized!"
13. Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman: "Yeah!!! Let's pick up some chicks!"
14. Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy."
Woman: "You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?"
15. Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
16. Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
17. Man: "I can tell that you want me."
Woman: "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave."
18. Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy."
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."
19. Man: "Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
Woman: "Sorry, I don't date outside my species."
20. Man: "May I see you pretty soon?"
Woman: "Why? Don't you think I'm pretty now?"
21. Man: "Your hair color is fabulous."
Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."
22. Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
23. Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."
24. Man: "I would go to the end of the world for you."
Woman: "Yes, but would you stay there?"

2007-02-09 13:59:49 · 14 answers · asked by JOSHY 2

What's the explanation?

2007-02-09 13:53:45 · 22 answers · asked by blondie 2

COLUMBUS BLUE JACKETS

2007-02-09 13:50:48 · 4 answers · asked by joelinn1974 3

Ok i love blond jokes.... even if i am blond... so i want to hear yours!!!

2007-02-09 13:43:43 · 16 answers · asked by it's me 3

2007-02-09 13:43:35 · 13 answers · asked by Alkaline Martin 1

Once there was an Indian who visited Japan, there he went to a Administrative officer's building to meet his boss, there he talk about business and demanded for a girl at night to enjoy his time after work. The officer told he would do so and then they both departed.

At night the Indian man started to enjoy the time with the girl and the girl shouted 'musakho musakho musakho musakho', he was surprised.

In the morning he went to the golf course there he started to play golf and was surprised as he hit the shot and the golf boy shouted 'musakho musakho musakho'. And so he asked the boy, "what is the meaning of 'musakho'?"

and the boy replied, "It means Wrong Hole."

2007-02-09 13:41:26 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

Please, give me my blood pressure back!

2007-02-09 13:37:22 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous

The first grade teacher was teaching her class about the colors pink, green, and yellow.

She told them to raise their hand if they could tell her a sentence with the color green.

A little American boy raised his hand and said, "The grass is green." "Good job," the teacher said.

She then said to raise their hand if they could tell her a sentence with the color pink.

A little Asian girl raised her hand and said, "My favorite color is pink." "Very good," the teacher said.

Then she said to raise their hands if they could tell her a sentence with the color yellow.

A girl says, "The sun is yellow." "Good," the teacher again says.

"Now, I'm going to make it a little harder. Who can tell me a sentence, or more than one sentence, with all three colors? Pink, yellow, and green."

Only one little Mexican boy raises his hand. He says, with an accent of course, "When I at home, the phone go 'green...green'. Then I pink it up and say 'yellow!'"

2007-02-09 13:26:14 · 31 answers · asked by skatrgrl737 1

Okay so a guy comes home for lunch, and he has had the worst possible day at work. When he opens the door his wife quickly pulls him inside and attacks him. He notices she's not wearing anything. She brings him up to their room and brings out a box that has handcuffs in it, she goes "today i give u permission to do anything u want to me... and i mean anything." The husband looks at the wife looks out the window, turns around and starts walking down the stairs. "Hey where r u going" asks the wife. the husband looks up at her and simply answers "fishing what else is there to do around here"

2007-02-09 13:19:19 · 12 answers · asked by it's me 3

There is this kindergarden class that is having a show and tell. So the first student goes up with his cat and explains what a good cat he is. The second student goes up with a rock and explains how he got the rock and the importance of it. Then, a third student goes up to the chalk board and draws a dot, before returning to his seat. Confused, the teacher asks the student "What's so important about a period". The student replies "You tell me, because apparently my sister missed it, my dad had a heartattack and the next-door neighbor killed himself.

2007-02-09 13:19:10 · 16 answers · asked by Maryln 3

age

2007-02-09 13:11:39 · 14 answers · asked by my deranged mind 3