Jokes & Riddles - February 2007

the baby dont have a bird nose like howard its small and cute. That baby is not howards. AND what this about zas zas husband?

2007-02-10 00:05:03 · 8 answers · asked by kim p 1

first right answer gets 10 points

2007-02-10 00:04:23 · 36 answers · asked by Uncle Elroy 4

2007-02-10 00:00:10 · 10 answers · asked by attidude_69 1

Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in seven floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended. The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go back down except to leave the place, never to return. A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some husbands...
First floor

The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and like kids." The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a job or not liking kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.

Second floor

The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder what's further up?"

Third floor

This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework." "Wow," said the women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they went.

Fourth floor

This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, do all the housework and have a strong romantic streak." "Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor

The sign on that door said, "These men are rolling in money, love kids, are incredibly good looking, do all the housework, are incurable romantics, are fantastic chefs, completely faithful, are great conversationalists and really funny, use maps, and their mothers have passed away." "Now we're getting somewhere" they said, "but imagine what must be on the next floor." So up they went.

Sixth floor

The door had a sign saying "These men are rolling in money, love kids, are incredibly good looking, do all the housework, are incurable romantics, know how to satisfy you completely, are fantastic chefs, totally faithful, great conversationalists and really funny, would love to go shopping with you, use maps, put the toilet seat down and change the paper, and their mothers have passed away." "Pretty tempting" they said, "we really have to see what's on the next floor." They were so excited they ran up the stairs.

Seventh floor

The door had a sign saying "This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please. Please leave the store via the exit..

2007-02-09 23:46:05 · 20 answers · asked by Jack Sprat 1

he told me that last night he picked up a girl down at the railway tracks and took her home,he said he made love to her all night .i asked what did she look he replied i don't know i didn't find her head

2007-02-09 23:42:04 · 4 answers · asked by conan 4

Hint: It also changes colour when it gets Warmer?

2007-02-09 23:35:27 · 22 answers · asked by Neill 3

jane after her 6th child goes to have cosmetic surgery down below,to restore herself to her youthful glory, cos the bombdoors dangling to low and looked like a ripped out fireplace.she wanted to look like a piggy bank rather than a badly packed kebab.

after the operation she woke to find 3 roses at the end of the bed, so she asked a nurse who they were from the reply was

no 1 was from the surgeon because you were a model patient.

no 2 from the husband he cant wait to get you home apparently it will be the first time he will touch the sides in years

and no 3 is from eric in the burns unit to say thank you for his new ears

2007-02-09 23:33:46 · 19 answers · asked by Snot Me 6

this is a joke...

2007-02-09 23:30:28 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous

2007-02-09 23:30:10 · 14 answers · asked by Richard 7

2007-02-09 23:30:09 · 4 answers · asked by Dr Aziz 1

If you met a gherkin lurkin'
As you climb atop Dill Hill
And spicy sprears are waving
As you bread n butter fill.
So you meet the sweetest midget
As you slice a sour pill.
Where are you?

2007-02-09 23:25:53 · 6 answers · asked by Richard 7

2007-02-09 22:50:16 · 6 answers · asked by Richard 7

You have an important meeting (like, really crucial) and you are late and theres no time to shower. It's a hot day and the meeting is in a hot room. Your boss, big boss etc will be there. If you don't leave your house immediately you will miss the bus/train etc. Your whole future career depends on this meeting....?

2007-02-09 22:48:07 · 12 answers · asked by Peace 2

2007-02-09 22:47:03 · 13 answers · asked by Richard 7

i asled this question aleardy, but no one got it *shakes head*. well, one girl was close but i couldn't star her. here it is:

What is no bigger than a dog, but can scare a bear off?
*****hint hint-- starts with an S*****

2007-02-09 22:45:20 · 7 answers · asked by vrblood 1

2007-02-09 22:42:55 · 11 answers · asked by Richard 7

2007-02-09 22:40:21 · 7 answers · asked by Richard 7

Why did captain hook cross the rode? to get to the second hand shop. was that funny?

2007-02-09 22:40:19 · 10 answers · asked by philip k 1

2007-02-09 22:37:58 · 9 answers · asked by Richard 7

40 gypsie's stood at the pearly gates wanting to get in,so peter says wait there i'll go ask god,god says ok go tell them i'll let them in so of peter go's, but come's running back shouting GOD GOD THERE GONE, god say's what all 40 of them,peter reply's no the gate's !!!!!!

2007-02-09 22:36:25 · 22 answers · asked by pikey 2

2007-02-09 22:31:04 · 4 answers · asked by Richard 7

The Secret Service got a real scare the other day when someone threw a beer at Bill Clinton during his morning jog.

Fortunately, it was a draft, so he was able to dodge it.

2007-02-09 22:24:16 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous

Okay, so a kindergarden teacher was teaching her class about the 5 senses. Today she was teaching them about the sense of taste. She got out a bag of assorted lifesaver candies and passed them out. The kids were saying things such as "Mine's strawberry!" and "I got cherry!" "Yummm Lime!". So then, when they were finished, she got out another bag, of honey flavored lifesavors but did not tell them what it was. So they were all trying them and they thought they were really good, but no one could figure out what flavor it was. Then, the teacher said "I'll give you a hint, it's something your mommy calls your daddy". They thought about it. All of a sudden, one of the kids spit it out and screamed "EW! ITS A.SSHOL.E!"

Did you think this was funny? I loved it when my friend Crissy showed it to me =]

2007-02-09 22:18:18 · 14 answers · asked by Karen Smith 3

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.

"Pardon me," she said, "I'm sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It's just that you look just like my son, who just died recently."

"I'm very sorry," replied the young man, "is there anything I can do for you?"

"Yes," she said, "As I'm leaving, can you say 'Good bye, Mother'? It would make me feel so much better."

"Sure," answered the young man.

As the old woman was leaving, he called out, "Goodbye, Mother!"

As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $127.50.

"How can that be?" He asked, "I only purchased a few things!"

"Your mother said that you would pay for her," said the clerk.

2007-02-09 22:17:32 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous

A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himself at the Gates of Heaven.

St. Peter started to escort him inside, when he began to protest that his untimely death had to be some sort of mistake. "I'm much too young to die! I'm only 35!"

St. Peter agreed that 35 did seem to be a bit young to be entering the pearly gates, and agreed to check on his case.

After investigating, he told the attorney, "I'm afraid that there is no mistake my son...

We verified your age on the basis of the number of hours you've billed to your clients, and according to that, you're at least 108 years old!"

2007-02-09 22:11:34 · 11 answers · asked by daniel a 2

Its not a dirty joke so keep all answers clean.

2007-02-09 22:08:37 · 3 answers · asked by Dodi 3

2007-02-09 22:00:15 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous

A woman goes to her doctor and tells him that she can't get any from her husband. So he gives her some pills and says "they are experimental pills, put two into his coffee and see what happens".

So she does and the next morning come back and says "the sex was great what if I use ten?"

And the docter replied "they are experimental pills so try it and see what happens".

So the next day she comes back and says "the sex was better, can I put the whole bottle in and see what happens?"

The next morning a little boy comes in and says, "my mother's dead, my sister's pregnant, my **** hurts like hell and my father is sitting in the corner saying "here kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty."

2007-02-09 21:58:44 · 10 answers · asked by daniel a 2

valentine...?

2007-02-09 21:47:57 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous

A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. The butcher goes to the lawyer's office and asks, “If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?” The lawyer answers, “Absolutely.” “Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today.” The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50 (attorneys don't carry cash). Several days later, the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer: It was a bill for $100 for a consultation!

2007-02-09 21:38:47 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous